Rudeness disguised as helpfulness

southernbelle0915 · January 2018

levioosa said:

SO's mother always brings food to my hosted dinners. Honestly it gets a little annoying because I have everything planned out and there's already too much food anyways. I know she means well though, so I haven't said anything. I just have SO reiterate that "no mom, really, you seriously don't have to bring anything. Just yourself." She'll get it one day. Maybe. If someone brought another main entree to my meal though, I would be super annoyed. Like no, we have a main course already. And, not to be conceited, but I know mine tastes better. lol.

I always ask if people would like me to bring something because I know how expensive hosting can be. But if they said no I would honor that/only bring a hostess gift.

Ehhhh she probably won't. We have a couple family members and friends like this. Their intentions are truly the best - they really are. I've found the best way to deal with these people, knowing they're GOING to bring something no matter what you say, is to just foster their intentions and delegate....like "you're always so helpful, thank you! It would be wonderful if you could bring crackers and cheese/veggies and dip/pita and hummus/brownies and ice cream/a 6 pack of SO's favorite beer and peanuts." These kinds of people love that shit because they want to be helpful.

levioosa · January 2018

southernbelle0915 said:

levioosa said:

SO's mother always brings food to my hosted dinners. Honestly it gets a little annoying because I have everything planned out and there's already too much food anyways. I know she means well though, so I haven't said anything. I just have SO reiterate that "no mom, really, you seriously don't have to bring anything. Just yourself." She'll get it one day. Maybe. If someone brought another main entree to my meal though, I would be super annoyed. Like no, we have a main course already. And, not to be conceited, but I know mine tastes better. lol.

I always ask if people would like me to bring something because I know how expensive hosting can be. But if they said no I would honor that/only bring a hostess gift.

Ehhhh she probably won't. We have a couple family members and friends like this. Their intentions are truly the best - they really are. I've found the best way to deal with these people, knowing they're GOING to bring something no matter what you say, is to just foster their intentions and delegate....like "you're always so helpful, thank you! It would be wonderful if you could bring crackers and cheese/veggies and dip/pita and hummus/brownies and ice cream/a 6 pack of SO's favorite beer and peanuts." These kinds of people love that shit because they want to be helpful.

This Christmas she went from bringing all sorts of random things to only bringing chocolates. I can deal with chocolates. lol. With her the issue is mostly that I can't trust that what she brings is food safe. But I think we've had enough family holidays now that she's seen the smorgasbord of food I provide. It's trickled down to chips/crackers/chocolate over the past few holidays. I can deal.

southernbelle0915 · January 2018

levioosa said:

southernbelle0915 said:

levioosa said:

SO's mother always brings food to my hosted dinners. Honestly it gets a little annoying because I have everything planned out and there's already too much food anyways. I know she means well though, so I haven't said anything. I just have SO reiterate that "no mom, really, you seriously don't have to bring anything. Just yourself." She'll get it one day. Maybe. If someone brought another main entree to my meal though, I would be super annoyed. Like no, we have a main course already. And, not to be conceited, but I know mine tastes better. lol.

I always ask if people would like me to bring something because I know how expensive hosting can be. But if they said no I would honor that/only bring a hostess gift.

Ehhhh she probably won't. We have a couple family members and friends like this. Their intentions are truly the best - they really are. I've found the best way to deal with these people, knowing they're GOING to bring something no matter what you say, is to just foster their intentions and delegate....like "you're always so helpful, thank you! It would be wonderful if you could bring crackers and cheese/veggies and dip/pita and hummus/brownies and ice cream/a 6 pack of SO's favorite beer and peanuts." These kinds of people love that shit because they want to be helpful.

This Christmas she went from bringing all sorts of random things to only bringing chocolates. I can deal with chocolates. lol. With her the issue is mostly that I can't trust that what she brings is food safe. But I think we've had enough family holidays now that she's seen the smorgasbord of food I provide. It's trickled down to chips/crackers/chocolate over the past few holidays. I can deal.

LOL yea...there are definitely friends of ours where I question this. And not just food safety but gross kitchen habits that they think are normal when cooking for other people. Like......
Image result for cat in the kitchen

Image result for messy toddler in the kitchen

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

southernbelle0915 said:

levioosa said:

southernbelle0915 said:

levioosa said:

SO's mother always brings food to my hosted dinners. Honestly it gets a little annoying because I have everything planned out and there's already too much food anyways. I know she means well though, so I haven't said anything. I just have SO reiterate that "no mom, really, you seriously don't have to bring anything. Just yourself." She'll get it one day. Maybe. If someone brought another main entree to my meal though, I would be super annoyed. Like no, we have a main course already. And, not to be conceited, but I know mine tastes better. lol.

I always ask if people would like me to bring something because I know how expensive hosting can be. But if they said no I would honor that/only bring a hostess gift.

Ehhhh she probably won't. We have a couple family members and friends like this. Their intentions are truly the best - they really are. I've found the best way to deal with these people, knowing they're GOING to bring something no matter what you say, is to just foster their intentions and delegate....like "you're always so helpful, thank you! It would be wonderful if you could bring crackers and cheese/veggies and dip/pita and hummus/brownies and ice cream/a 6 pack of SO's favorite beer and peanuts." These kinds of people love that shit because they want to be helpful.

This Christmas she went from bringing all sorts of random things to only bringing chocolates. I can deal with chocolates. lol. With her the issue is mostly that I can't trust that what she brings is food safe. But I think we've had enough family holidays now that she's seen the smorgasbord of food I provide. It's trickled down to chips/crackers/chocolate over the past few holidays. I can deal.

LOL yea...there are definitely friends of ours where I question this. And not just food safety but gross kitchen habits that they think are normal when cooking for other people. Like......

I know it's overkill, but when we have people over or are making something for someone else I over clean my kitchen and do everything I can to ensure cats aren't in there as well.
I clean my kitchen, but what if something has come in contact with something I missed in regular cleaning? Or if the off chance cats are in the room and cat hair gets in?

Cooking for myself, whatever it happens.
Cooking for someone else - yeh not taking that chance! Extra scrub down!

6fsn · January 2018

LW knows they are going to bring something. It's easier just to delegate- rolls, an appetizer, something you know they make well. MIL always gets deviled eggs or lime fluff. I know they will eat it and I hate to make it.

My BIL used to roll up with Subway for himself because he didn't understand the food I made (tortellini was a huge source of confusion). They still all bring their own drinks. Heaven forbid you go 2 hours without your diet peach Snapple.

STARMOON44 · January 2018

6fsn said:

LW knows they are going to bring something. It's easier just to delegate- rolls, an appetizer, something you know they make well. MIL always gets deviled eggs or lime fluff. I know they will eat it and I hate to make it.

My BIL used to roll up with Subway for himself because he didn't understand the food I made (tortellini was a huge source of confusion). They still all bring their own drinks. Heaven forbid you go 2 hours without your diet peach Snapple.

What is lime fluff?

6fsn · January 2018

@STARMOON44 - 1 package lime jello, 1 package cool whip, 1 package cottage cheese, 1 can crushed pineapple. 1 bowl of awful.

STARMOON44 · January 2018

6fsn said:

@STARMOON44 - 1 package lime jello, 1 package cool whip, 1 package cottage cheese, 1 can crushed pineapple. 1 bowl of awful.

This is a recognized food?!? The horrors of the world never cease.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

6fsn said:

@STARMOON44 - 1 package lime jello, 1 package cool whip, 1 package cottage cheese, 1 can crushed pineapple. 1 bowl of awful.

I'm blaming pregnancy, but I kinda wanna try this

mrsconn23 · January 2018

STARMOON44 said:

6fsn said:

@STARMOON44 - 1 package lime jello, 1 package cool whip, 1 package cottage cheese, 1 can crushed pineapple. 1 bowl of awful.

This is a recognized food?!? The horrors of the world never cease.

6's MIL recognizes all sorts of things as food that are an abomination that you wouldn't feed to your worst enemy.

And she thinks cumin is an exotic spice.

southernbelle0915 · January 2018

mrsconn23 said:

STARMOON44 said:

6fsn said:

@STARMOON44 - 1 package lime jello, 1 package cool whip, 1 package cottage cheese, 1 can crushed pineapple. 1 bowl of awful.

This is a recognized food?!? The horrors of the world never cease.

6's MIL recognizes all sorts of things as food that are an abomination that you wouldn't feed to your worst enemy.

And she thinks cumin is an exotic spice.

This just made me LOL!

I'm picturing a lot of potatoes, casseroles with condensed soup, and marshmallow fluff.

6fsn · January 2018

'Tis very true about my MIL. She will not even try most of the food at my house. For years, I have been buying a spinach artichoke dip for parties because BIL actually likes it. I took it to her house recently and she loved it so much she asked BIL where it was from. He said it was from me. She has been refusing it at my home for YEARS. As soon as she thought it was from BIL she tried it.

6fsn · January 2018

Her chili is the worst- hamburger, V8, and a can of chili beans

"Homemade vegetable soup" hamburger, a bunch of canned shit, 1 potato

Green beans- cans of beans, bacon bits, crock pot for 8 hrs.

lovesclimbing · January 2018

My grandmother puts CELERY AND CARROTS in her jello salad.

#no

TrixieJess · January 2018

lovesclimbing said:

My grandmother puts CELERY AND CARROTS in her jello salad.

#no

My grandmother used to make hers with a layer of horseradish...imagine being a 6 year old biting into that!?!

levioosa · January 2018

When we briefly lived with SO’s parents I was exposed to the horrors of the cooking/lack of cleaning. His mom would take a frozen chicken out of the freezer, leave it out “defrosting” in the oven all day, decide she didn’t want it, put it back in the freezer, and then repeat the process the next day. And she never cleaned the kitchen. Like, filfth doesn’t even describe it.

kvruns · January 2018

Jello + salad should never be in the same sentence IMO

ei34 · January 2018

kvruns said:

Jello + salad should never be in the same sentence IMO

I’d never heard of jello salad. I’m suddenly very disturbed

6fsn · January 2018

My mom will refer to jello salad as a fruit and jello product. I don't know if it's nostalgia, but it's not Christmas without the bing cherry jello with bing cherries mixed in.

mrsconn23 · January 2018

My sister has my grandma's recipe box and it has an entire 'jell-o salad' section of recipe cards.

lovesclimbing · January 2018

My mom's fruit salad is wonderful. It's jello, cool whip, marshmallows and whatever fruit matches the jello flavor. That stuff is good!!!

My grandma would sometimes do cabbage, too.

southernbelle0915 · January 2018

mrsconn23 said:

My sister has my grandma's recipe box and it has an entire 'jell-o salad' section of recipe cards.

I kind of think Jell-O must have been a thing. My grandparents used to make it with canned fruit cocktail like suspended in it. Then they'd cover it in cool whip. I wouldn't touch that shit now, but when I was a kid I was ALL about it.

*Barbie* · January 2018

6fsn said:

Her chili is the worst- hamburger, V8, and a can of chili beans
"Homemade vegetable soup" hamburger, a bunch of canned shit, 1 potato
Green beans- cans of beans, bacon bits, crock pot for 8 hrs.

WTELF? No.
I mean I know about your MIL's horrible taste, but ugh.
This is one of those cases where bringing your own food isn't rude, it's survival.

lovesclimbing · January 2018

*Barbie* said:

6fsn said:

Her chili is the worst- hamburger, V8, and a can of chili beans
"Homemade vegetable soup" hamburger, a bunch of canned shit, 1 potato
Green beans- cans of beans, bacon bits, crock pot for 8 hrs.

WTELF? No.
I mean I know about your MIL's horrible taste, but ugh.
This is one of those cases where bringing your own food isn't rude, it's survival.

I missed this before. Ewww! I refuse to buy canned veggies (except stuff like mushrooms). They are so mushy!

I live in Alaska, and there's something here called "Eskimo ice cream." It's a traditional native food and it's whatever berries you happen to have on hand with fat and some sugar mixed in. Back in the day, it was whale fat or seal fat. Nowadays, it's just crisco.

Some people make it with just a tiny bit of crisco, barely enough to coat the berries, but some people literally do 50/50 berries to fat. I can't stomach it.

Rudeness disguised as helpfulness

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