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Knottie1440772313 · January 2018

Ok, me and my fiance are eloping in st Thomas this coming August. We are planning a 'reception' in September for family and friends in Brooklyn, NY. I live in Upstate NY and he lives in the city. Most of my family will be coming from all over, so should I send out a STD to kind of warn my family that travel is in the near future and then send out invites a few months ahead of party? I just dont want to seem like im doing too much for a non traditional wedding.

missfrodo · January 2018

Knottie1440772313 said:

Ok, me and my fiance are eloping in st Thomas this coming August. We are planning a 'reception' in September for family and friends in Brooklyn, NY. I live in Upstate NY and he lives in the city. Most of my family will be coming from all over, so should I send out a STD to kind of warn my family that travel is in the near future and then send out invites a few months ahead of party? I just dont want to seem like im doing too much for a non traditional wedding.

So where you're having a private wedding, I'd invite everyone to your celebration of marriage party no more than 6-8 weeks in advance. No need for STDs; I feel like people might get confused and think they are being invited to your actual wedding. Expect more declines since people aren't attending the actual wedding--people don't put as much importance on a regular party as a wedding, KWIM? Sending STDs isn't going to change that--they'll either want to come, or they won't. You can call your VIPs ahead of time--parents, best friends, etc--to confirm if the date will work for them, but I wouldn't send out any paper correspondence other than the invite itself.

artbyallie · January 2018

Knottie1440772313 said:

Ok, me and my fiance are eloping in st Thomas this coming August. We are planning a 'reception' in September for family and friends in Brooklyn, NY. I live in Upstate NY and he lives in the city. Most of my family will be coming from all over, so should I send out a STD to kind of warn my family that travel is in the near future and then send out invites a few months ahead of party? I just dont want to seem like im doing too much for a non traditional wedding.

The party in September is not a wedding reception (that's just for anyone who actually attends your wedding, and if you're eloping I'm guessing you won't have any guests for that). You should not send a save the date for a party. Just send invitations after your wedding (that's what's happening in August) that announce your marriage and request the pleasure of your guests' company in celebrating. This party should not resemble a wedding reception (no cake-cutting, though you can absolutely have a non-wedding cake, no 'first dance,' no bouquet toss, etc.)

downtondiva · January 2018

I think it's okay to let your immediate family know your plans and let them spread the word if they wish, and of course let your closest friends know as well. But do not send out save-the-dates for a party, which is what this is. As others have said, just send invitations 6-8 weeks in advance. I agree with @missfrodo that sending STD's for this isn't going to make much of a difference anyway; either people will be cool with traveling for a party, or they won't.

While there is nothing wrong etiquette-wise with what you're planning, just understand that most people will go more out of their way for a wedding than they will for a party (I know that's certainly the case for me). Don't hold it against anyone if they choose not to attend.

short+sassy · January 2018

Just send the invites 6-8 weeks in advance. Though it's fine to check with VIPs to solidify the date and then verbally tell people who might need to travel further.

I agree with @missfrodo, I think sending STDs would be confusing. Maybe it's different for other areas, but I've only ever received an STD for a wedding.

Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with your plans, St. Thomas sounds heavenly! But I'll also caution that, for many people, there is a huge difference between attending a wedding/reception and attending a celebration of marriage party. For example, I've flown halfway across the country for three weddings...my mom's, my sister's, and my BFF's. My absolute nearest and dearest! But I wouldn't have spent the time or money doing that for a party. Drive from a few hours away? Possibly/probably. Everyone has their own threshold.

MairePoppy · January 2018

You shouldn't send those celebration invitations out before you are actually married. You (or a local family member) can drop them in the mail right after your ceremony. Use these announcements/invitations to let everyone know how you would like to be addressed.

Mary and John Smith-Jones
were married August 4th, 2018
in St. Thomas, USVI

You are invited to celebrate the marriage
September 23rd at 2:00
Name of Venue
Address of Venue
City, State

eileenrob · January 2018

The party in Brooklyn doesn’t need STDs. I’d send invites out around 6ish weeks in advance. Whether I had a month or a year’s notice wouldn’t terribly alter long-distance travel plans for a celebration of marriage party. It is fine to check the date with your VIP guests though!

southernbelle0915 · January 2018

Since the party isn’t a wedding, it would be a pretty odd to send STDs and invitations “a few months out” (6 weeks is PLENTY).

If there are VIPs or people who may want to travel (and don’t expect them to - again, it’s not a wedding), you could shoot them an email and tell them you’ll be getting married privately but plan to have a party on such-and-such date.

@MariePoppy’s wording is perfect.

Jen4948 · January 2018

As PPs note, your post-wedding party should be billed as a "celebration" rather than as a "reception" since it won't immediately follow the wedding ceremony.

I agree that the time to send invitations would be six to eight weeks in advance, but you don't need save-the-dates. But it would be fine to let VIP guests know the date sooner.

CMGragain · January 2018

The timing is very important. How far apart is your celebration party from your elopement? If you announce it in advance, it is NOT an elopement, but a private wedding ceremony. An elopement is VERY traditional! Many members of my family haven chosen to be married like this. Save the Dates are not appropriate for a celebration party.

Here is traditional wording for a marriage announcement, which is sent after the ceremony has taken place:

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

announce their marriage

August 4, 2018

Charlotte Amalie, Saint Thomas

United States Virgin Islands

Now that you have informed your family that you are married, it is fine to send out party invitations. This will not be your wedding reception. By eloping, you have given that up. It is simply a party to celebrate your recent marriage, and you can use either formal or informal invitations, like the kind you buy for a party in the drug store. Here is wording for a formal party invitation:

The pleasure of your company is requested

to celebrate the recent marriage of

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

Date of party

Venue

Address

City, State

ahoywedding · January 2018

My BIL and his wife did a similar thing last summer. They got married out of the country in a private ceremony (just the two of them) and then had a party a month & a half later. They did tell people their plans, but then they also sent STDs for their party. Most of my ILs families were super confused, and they weren't sure if they were coming to just a party or if they were now invited to a wedding or what. No one was expecting STDs for a party, so they didn't know what to do.

I agree with PPs about the wording, and that people will not go as much out of their way to attend a party as they would a wedding.

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