Ok, me and my fiance are eloping in st Thomas this coming August. We are planning a 'reception' in September for family and friends in Brooklyn, NY. I live in Upstate NY and he lives in the city. Most of my family will be coming from all over, so should I send out a STD to kind of warn my family that travel is in the near future and then send out invites a few months ahead of party? I just dont want to seem like im doing too much for a non traditional wedding.
Re: Question...
While there is nothing wrong etiquette-wise with what you're planning, just understand that most people will go more out of their way for a wedding than they will for a party (I know that's certainly the case for me). Don't hold it against anyone if they choose not to attend.
Just send the invites 6-8 weeks in advance. Though it's fine to check with VIPs to solidify the date and then verbally tell people who might need to travel further.
I agree with @missfrodo, I think sending STDs would be confusing. Maybe it's different for other areas, but I've only ever received an STD for a wedding.
Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with your plans, St. Thomas sounds heavenly! But I'll also caution that, for many people, there is a huge difference between attending a wedding/reception and attending a celebration of marriage party. For example, I've flown halfway across the country for three weddings...my mom's, my sister's, and my BFF's. My absolute nearest and dearest! But I wouldn't have spent the time or money doing that for a party. Drive from a few hours away? Possibly/probably. Everyone has their own threshold.
Mary and John Smith-Jones
were married August 4th, 2018
in St. Thomas, USVI
You are invited to celebrate the marriage
September 23rd at 2:00
Name of Venue
Address of Venue
City, State
If there are VIPs or people who may want to travel (and don’t expect them to - again, it’s not a wedding), you could shoot them an email and tell them you’ll be getting married privately but plan to have a party on such-and-such date.
@MariePoppy’s wording is perfect.
I agree that the time to send invitations would be six to eight weeks in advance, but you don't need save-the-dates. But it would be fine to let VIP guests know the date sooner.
Here is traditional wording for a marriage announcement, which is sent after the ceremony has taken place:
Now that you have informed your family that you are married, it is fine to send out party invitations. This will not be your wedding reception. By eloping, you have given that up. It is simply a party to celebrate your recent marriage, and you can use either formal or informal invitations, like the kind you buy for a party in the drug store. Here is wording for a formal party invitation:
I agree with PPs about the wording, and that people will not go as much out of their way to attend a party as they would a wedding.