Dear Prudence,
I’m in a pickle, or rather my son is. He is 17, is about to graduate high school, and likes to smoke pot, which is illegal in my state. He has been through a teen-intervention course for having pot and paraphernalia in his vehicle (teen court, tour of the jail, the works), and we thought that would scare him, but once he met his community service requirements, he started smoking again. This past December, between his work and holiday money, he spent about $500 on pot. He wants to move out and live on his own when he is 18—he says his goals are to just “work and smoke pot.”
We have a college fund for him and are paying for his car. He can’t afford to take over car payments or get a loan. I refuse to have him drive a car that is in my name when he has been smoking. So we’re considering cashing in the college fund so he can pay off his car and get started. On the one hand, he can figure out how to pay for college himself—lots of kids do! On the other hand, I feel like a crap parent for making it hard on him, and I don’t want illegal drugs in my home. My question is this: Do I accept the decision of a 17-year-old who is pretty mature and competent, or give it more time and hope for a change? We’re getting close to when he wants to move out, and I really don’t want the liability of a car in my name being driven around by him or his friends with pot or paraphernalia in it.
—Hard Line?