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Keep saying no, and maybe change the locks and install a security system.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
In an effort to downsize, my grandparents put our family’s lake house on the market. My husband and I bought the property, with some help from my parents. No one else in the family expressed any interest. Now that we have moved in and remodeled, my aunt has announced she and her five kids are coming to stay with us this July! I told her that wouldn’t be possible, since we will be out of the country. She said she didn’t mind and would just “make herself at home.” She was furious when I told her no. Suddenly, I have “stolen” the family lake house and am “ungrateful” to my family. She even complained to my retired grandparents. I am happy to host my family—but only on my schedule. This is my home now and not a family vacation house anymore. We are paying a mortgage, for crying out loud. How do I hold my ground without destroying my family? My mother has already had a few screaming fits at my aunt.
—Lake House
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Re: Keep saying no, and maybe change the locks and install a security system.

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    It's your house to do as you please. You pay the mortgage, you are responsible for the upkeep,  the insurance, and all other costs. If you chose to rent it out to people, that's your choice. Your aunt could have made an offer on the house and purchased it for her and her family. She did not. 

    I'd think carefully about how you want to use the house, what the rules for family members are (if you want to let them use, when, what's the process for that) and communicate that to people. If they don't like it, tough sh*t because it's not their house. 
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I think aunt is thinking of the way the grandparents had it before - open door policy.

    Keep saying no. Tell aunt this is your continuous home and not a vacation home, that might clarify things.
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    mrsconn23 said:
    It sounds like LW is living there full time.  So WTF at the aunt just assuming that she's going to be granted access to LW's home, even if it was previously a family vacation home? 

    LW should tell aunt that she's blocked all social media sites from being used in the house.  Maybe she'll back off.  :D 
    I totally missed that part! Oh hell no would someone come live in my house when I'm not there just because they feel entitled to. 
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    ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kvruns said:
    If the lakehouse was previously used as more of a family lakehouse I could see there being a bit of confusion about its use, but if LW lives there full time I can definitely see being like NO WAY.  Even if it is just their vacation house they are under no obligation to let family use it whenever they want and Aunt definitely has balls making the assumption they can use it whenever.
    All the more reason for LW to be strong and steady now...if this one obnoxious aunt gets her way this time it may lead other family members to think wrong as well.  
    I’d just keep repeating that the house is now mine, and not an extended family vacation home.
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    Ro041Ro041 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would also encourage mom not to engage in future screaming matches with Aunt.  That is highly inappropriate.  

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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2018
    My ILs have two adjacent lake houses - they bought the neighbor's at some point. The space is definitely needed now that their kids all have families when everyone is down there, but no one really goes down without them present.

    My MIL said again recently that when they bought the house, they were hoping one of their sons would eventually buy the second house from them. That makes great financial sense for them, but makes zero sense for us (which I think FIL gets). We don't need to buy it to stay there, and we don't even have independent times when we want to stay there - the ILs go down more frequently than we could, and if we expressed interest in going by ourselves, they'd probably make time to join us.

    However, if ILs decided to sell either house to someone else, or revoke permission to stay in the other house without buying it, or go down more rarely themselves and set the boundary that we couldn't be there without them, that would all be their prerogative. They own the houses. If BIL and SIL bought the house and didn't let us use it, that would be their prerogative. They would own the house, and we had a chance to buy it and chose not to.

    Aunt is entitled and everyone just needs to ignore her tantrum (including the mom).
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Honestly it doesn't matter if she lives there full time or uses it 3 days out of the year. LW owns it. Period. 

    This sounds like a typical situation where family feels entitled to something that they've never contributed to "because that's the way it's always been". And now they're throwing adult tantrums.  

    IDK why the mom would have "screaming fits" with the aunt. She needs to keep her cool or she's contributing to the drama. This is really simple. "When mom and dad put the house up for sale, y'all didn't buy it or offer a partnership. We bought it and, as our own investment, we are deciding on how it's used." 
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    And yes, definitely change the locks and add a security system. Aunt sounds bonkers, emotional and entitled. Kind of a recipe for bad things to happen.
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Honestly it doesn't matter if she lives there full time or uses it 3 days out of the year. LW owns it. Period. 

    Oh I agree.  I just find the entitlement even stranger because LW has made it her full-time home.  It doesn't matter what the purpose for it was prior to LW buying it. 

    And yes, mom needs to stop fighting with the aunt.  I've never been in a shouting match that solved a damn thing, because when you get to that point y'all might as well be 3 year olds fighting over whose toy it is.  

    LW needs to protect her property (lock change and security system) and report any intruders, family or not, to the cops if they are trespassing without permission. 
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