Afternoon tea/hors d'oeuvres/dessert reception

asp1993 · February 2018

My fiancé and I are planning an intimate wedding with our closest family and friends. It's small (60 guests) because we feel that it's an incredibly personal event that we only want our closest loved ones to attend. We're also on a small budget (we are NOT willing to go into debt for our special day and don't want to go over budget) and are playing around with reception ideas. We know that our family and friends love us regardless but I still want to feel that I'm doing "enough" for them, especially since most are coming from out of town (a few hours drive for most but still). I'm rejecting the wedding industry in so many ways but I'm unsure of this, even though the menu excites my fiancé and I. Our family and friends come from different backgrounds and countries and parts of the country so there is no "norm" to follow. However, we live in North Carolina.

My question is: How would you feel attending a wedding in a woodland setting that has a SLIGHT enchanted forest theme that served an afternoon tea/heavy hors d'oeuvres/dessert style menu? Obviously I'm not sure what to call this yet! Haha. Here's what I'm thinking:

Dessert table

Wedding cake/Cookies/Cupcakes/Pies/Doughnuts

Tea and coffee bar
Tea, coffee, hot chocolate, toppings (sprinkles, whipped cream, etc)/Scones/Coffee cake/Muffins/Croissants/Macaroons/Mini sandwiches

Hors d'oeuvres
Various meats and cheeses/Crackers/Mini Subs/Pinwheel Wraps/Chips and dips/Vegetable platter/Fruit platter

Drinks
Tea/Lemonade/Water/Hard Cider and Beer/Red sangria/White sangria

Another question: What SHOULD I indicate this style of reception as on an invitation? We would absolutely WORD IT CORRECTLY so that guests know that there will be no formal sit down dinner. We will start the reception sometime between 2:30-3:45pm and end between 7pm-8pm. Our timeline isn't complete.

If you have any additional menu suggestions or advice that would definitely help too! Keep in mind that a lot of these items will be bought in bulk from Costco or Sam's but some things (like the cupcakes and doughnuts) will be bought from our favorite local specialty shops.

PS: Please be KIND with your opinions. I've seen some NASTY forums which I why I've NEVER posted but I need suggestions. Thanks!!

MobKaz · February 2018

asp1993 said:

My fiancé and I are planning an intimate wedding with our closest family and friends. It's small (60 guests) because we feel that it's an incredibly personal event that we only want our closest loved ones to attend. We're also on a small budget (we are NOT willing to go into debt for our special day and don't want to go over budget) and are playing around with reception ideas. We know that our family and friends love us regardless but I still want to feel that I'm doing "enough" for them, especially since most are coming from out of town (a few hours drive for most but still). I'm rejecting the wedding industry in so many ways but I'm unsure of this, even though the menu excites my fiancé and I. Our family and friends come from different backgrounds and countries and parts of the country so there is no "norm" to follow. However, we live in North Carolina.

My question is: How would you feel attending a wedding in a woodland setting that has a SLIGHT enchanted forest theme that served an afternoon tea/heavy hors d'oeuvres/dessert style menu? Obviously I'm not sure what to call this yet! Haha. Here's what I'm thinking:
Dessert table
Wedding cake/Cookies/Cupcakes/Pies/Doughnuts

Tea and coffee bar
Tea, coffee, hot chocolate, toppings (sprinkles, whipped cream, etc)/Scones/Coffee cake/Muffins/Croissants/Macaroons/Mini sandwiches

Hors d'oeuvres
Various meats and cheeses/Crackers/Mini Subs/Pinwheel Wraps/Chips and dips/Vegetable platter/Fruit platter

Drinks
Tea/Lemonade/Water/Hard Cider and Beer/Red sangria/White sangria

Another question: What SHOULD I indicate this style of reception as on an invitation? We would absolutely WORD IT CORRECTLY so that guests know that there will be no formal sit down dinner. We will start the reception sometime between 2:30-3:45pm and end between 7pm-8pm. Our timeline isn't complete.

If you have any additional menu suggestions or advice that would definitely help too! Keep in mind that a lot of these items will be bought in bulk from Costco or Sam's but some things (like the cupcakes and doughnuts) will be bought from our favorite local specialty shops.

PS: Please be KIND with your opinions. I've seen some NASTY forums which I why I've NEVER posted but I need suggestions. Thanks!!

Your menu sounds lovely for an afternoon, non-meal time reception. However, once you begin to get into the dinner time hours, as a guest I might think that the earlier food was a prelude to a dinner. It might translate better if your evening ended earlier.

Why is there such a large reception start time variable? If your reception does not start until almost 4 PM, then I would not consider your menu "heavy hors d'oeuvres. For a reception that starts after 4 PM, I would probably expect hot appetizers or a more hearty menu.

You can reject the entire wedding industry and still be a proper host. The difference is in the timing of your reception.

STARMOON44 · February 2018

I think it sounds lovely for a reception from 2-5. Not 7, then you need a meal. Obviously no gap between ceremony and reception. Personally I’d also serve regular non-sangria wine as an option.

CMGragain · February 2018

I would suggest a ceremony time of 2:00 PM, immediately followed by a tea reception from 2:30 TO 4:30 pm. Receptions without dancing are shirt and sweet, with your guests enjoying each other's company.

Tea menus do not include hors d'oeuvres, but are sandwiches and cake. Hor's d'oeuvres are for cocktail parties, after 5:00 PM, so you can save money there. Heavy appetizers or hors d'oeuvres would not be expected.

Please make sure the elderly or handicapped guests can easily find a seat. We don't care about woodland atmosphere; we care about sitting down easily and having a place to put our cup and plate!

The pleasure of your company is requested

at the marriage of

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

Saturday, the twenty-third of April

two thousand eighteen

at two o'clock

Woodlands Park

Anytown, North Carolina

Reception to immediately follow

Jen4948 · February 2018

For this time of day your menu sounds good. I'd consider some soda drink options as well.

asp1993 · February 2018

asp1993 · February 2018

I wasn't sure when we'd start the ceremony! I'm starting to think 2pm from suggestions. Thanks!

ILoveBeachMusic · February 2018

The way you convey to your guests that a meal is not part of the reception is from the timing of the reception. That means if the reception doesn't go over a meal time, a meal isn't expected. As PPs have said, your menu sounds great for an afternoon reception.

If you start you ceremony at 2pm, assuming it is over in 30 mins your reception would start at 2:30. On your invitation you would say that a reception is to follow. Are you having dancing, toasts, cake cutting and such? You don't have to, but keep in mind timing might get a little tight in a 2 and 1/2 hour time frame. If you aren't having dancing and toasts, then your time frame should work fine. This was the type of wedding I had years ago. Our ceremony was at 3pm. Receptions was hot and cold hors d'oeurves, cake, and drinks. It was over by 5:30. We had cake cutting and bouquet toss but no dancing or toasts.

ei34 · February 2018

I’d make the whole thing 2-5 and your proposed menu is perfect. My sister was invited to a wedding last summer that actually said “ceremony at 2, cake and cocktails to follow”, and it ended up being a spread similar to what you’re offering, not just cake. But I don’t think you have to do that, just make sure it’s done before dinner time.

ahoywedding · February 2018

Agree with PPs about the timing; with it ending between 7-8, it implies that a meal will be served. If it ended before dinner hours, you're good! If you do plan to do any of the typical "wedding" things (cake cutting, first dance, toasts) you may need a little bit more time, but maybe you could start earlier?

You could list it on your invitations as a cake and punch reception or light snacks to follow, etc. I know technical etiquette says you don't list the level of hosting, but it's generally acceptable to give the guests a heads up.

banana468 · February 2018

ILoveBeachMusic said:

The way you convey to your guests that a meal is not part of the reception is from the timing of the reception. That means if the reception doesn't go over a meal time, a meal isn't expected. As PPs have said, your menu sounds great for an afternoon reception.

If you start you ceremony at 2pm, assuming it is over in 30 mins your reception would start at 2:30. On your invitation you would say that a reception is to follow. Are you having dancing, toasts, cake cutting and such? You don't have to, but keep in mind timing might get a little tight in a 2 and 1/2 hour time frame. If you aren't having dancing and toasts, then your time frame should work fine. This was the type of wedding I had years ago. Our ceremony was at 3pm. Receptions was hot and cold hors d'oeurves, cake, and drinks. It was over by 5:30. We had cake cutting and bouquet toss but no dancing or toasts.

I'll agree with this IF you put an end time on the reception.

Our ceremony started at 2 w/ a reception that started at 4 (Catholic and no gap) and we had a full meal and reception ended at 10.

If I received an invitation to an event that listed reception start time and not end time, I'd assume I'm getting a full meal. If the reception ends anytime after 6, I'd assume full meal.

kahluakoala · February 2018

I think 2-6 would also be fine if you want a little more time. I'd think about a few heavier apps - I actually don't think what you mentioned is "heavy" at all. To me, cheese and crackers and fruits and veggies is like the definition of "light" apps. Some suggestions for heavy apps - flatbread pizzas, mediterranean dips and pita (hummus, tzatziki, babganoush), pigs in a blanket, empanadas, meat skewers like chicken satay or beef satay, coconut shrimp, spring rolls, baked brie in phyllo, scallops wrapped in bacon, loaded potato skins etc. Basically like, hot food.

southernbelle0915 · February 2018

asp1993 said:

(snip)
Here's what I'm thinking:
Dessert table
Wedding cake/Cookies (as favors)/Cupcakes/Pies/Doughnuts
Tea and coffee bar
Tea, coffee, hot chocolate, toppings (sprinkles, whipped cream, lemon wedges, sugar, sugar substitute, cream etc)/Scones/Coffee cake/Muffins/Croissants/Macaroons/Mini sandwiches

Hors d'oeuvres
Various meats and cheeses/Crackers/Mini Subs/Pinwheel Wraps/Chips and dips/Vegetable platter/Fruit platter

Drinks
Tea/Lemonade/Water/Hard Cider and Beer/Red sangria/White sangria
Another question: What SHOULD I indicate this style of reception as on an invitation? We would absolutely WORD IT CORRECTLY so that guests know that there will be no formal sit down dinner. We will start the reception sometime between 2:30-3:45pm and end between 7pm-8pm. Our timeline isn't complete.
(snip)

If you aren't going to serve a meal, the entire event (ceremony and reception) needs to happen between meal times. I would have a 2:00 ceremony and a reception from 2:30-5 or (latest) 6pm. Ending at 7-8pm without serving dinner is just too late.

I made some edits to your menu above to make it more simple. If you have a ton of options, you'll be more likely to run out of one thing, run out of table space/be refilling things constantly, and to just be managing way too much stuff. Also, it was SUPER pastry heavy and lacking in "real food" so I would suggest adding two or three of the following options (or options like them - actual heavy apps):

- meatballs
- shrimp cocktail
- deviled eggs
- mini crab cakes
- caprese skewers
- chicken wings or satay skewers
- prosciutto and puff pastry wrapped asparagus

You do not need to indicate anything on the invitation except that people are invited to your wedding and reception. People know that if an event starts at 2 and ends at 5, there's no meal. And even if they don't understand that, ending the event at 5 (or 6) gives them plenty of time to go get dinner. You just need to make sure you end it then so you don't get into bad hosting territory.

asp1993 · February 2018

Thank you for the suggestions! Yes, I think I'm going to add more savory options and take away some sweets!

PS: I'm keeping the cider, it's a fall wedding and my fav. ;-)

asp1993 · February 2018

Thanks! Don't worry, we will definitely take care of our elders!

maine7mob · July 2018

My husband and I had an afternoon tea reception. We had a 2 p.m. wedding, and the reception was over by 5. We had about 40 guests. This type of reception does tend to be a little shorter than one involving a meal, but it is still fun. If you serve much alcohol (we just had champagne and punch), it could last longer.

My experience with our wedding (27 years ago!) and with catering other teas is that people tend to want sweet food in the afternoon, but if it goes past 5, they will want heavier, savory things. So think about the timing when you are considering what to serve. For example, I did the food for a reception honoring a retiring elementary school principal. The event ended at 5. Nearly all the cookies, pastries, cake and sweet punch were consumed, but we had a lot of leftover mini sandwiches and cocktail meatballs. At another afternoon reception that ended at 6, it was the reverse. That one hour made a difference.

You could inform your guests that it's not a meal by saying something like "Afternoon tea reception immediately following" on the invites. And if you set up a site here, you can give more info to clarify.

Afternoon tea/hors d'oeuvres/dessert reception

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