Wedding Reception Forum

Am I taking on too much? Backyard wedding...

Hey everyone. So, I need some advice. 
My fiance and I have wavered a bit and have decided to have our wedding and reception at home. We're getting married at the end of September 2019, the guest list is about 60-70, and it's going to be cocktail-style, with light appetizers served toward the beginning of the reception, and heavier appies served around dinner time. I'm doing the desserts. My backyard isn't terribly level (it's large enough but the largest part of the yard is sloped), and the evening should be moderately cool given the time of year, so we're thinking about having a lot of the reception indoors, especially in the later hours of the evening. We've just bought this house and it's twice the space we've lived in before, so there will still be a lot of empty space, allowing enough room for people to walk about the house unhindered. We have three bathrooms, so that's not an issue.

My fiance abhors the traditional/typical wedding reception format, ie sit down dinner followed by toasts and then dancing. At every wedding we've been to together he has been incredibly bored because he's a bit socially awkward in that he hates small talk and therefore chooses not to talk except to the people he knows, and he doesn't dance, so it doesn't leave much for him to do at these receptions. He's very much an introvert and would like to appeal to the other introverts on our guest list (of which there are a number) by having a wide range of activities for guests to participate in, if they so choose. For example: The open concept living room/kitchen will house the dance floor and bar respectively. Cleared out guest room will be our photobooth area. Family room will be a lounge area for discussion/relaxing. Garage will be a small movie theatre with snacks and our favorite movie playing. And a portion of the backyard will have a small firepit with marshmallow toasting. 

I love the idea of all of this, but because I have no family in town, and we've chosen not to have a wedding party, AND I'm doing the dessert table, I'm worried it's going to be far too much work for the two of us to get everything ready...

Does anyone have experience with a backyard/in home wedding and reception, or can they offer me any advice on this?
Thanks in advance!

Re: Am I taking on too much? Backyard wedding...

  • Hey everyone. So, I need some advice. 
    My fiance and I have wavered a bit and have decided to have our wedding and reception at home. We're getting married at the end of September 2019, the guest list is about 60-70, and it's going to be cocktail-style, with light appetizers served toward the beginning of the reception, and heavier appies served around dinner time. I'm doing the desserts. My backyard isn't terribly level (it's large enough but the largest part of the yard is sloped), and the evening should be moderately cool given the time of year, so we're thinking about having a lot of the reception indoors, especially in the later hours of the evening. We've just bought this house and it's twice the space we've lived in before, so there will still be a lot of empty space, allowing enough room for people to walk about the house unhindered. We have three bathrooms, so that's not an issue.

    My fiance abhors the traditional/typical wedding reception format, ie sit down dinner followed by toasts and then dancing. At every wedding we've been to together he has been incredibly bored because he's a bit socially awkward in that he hates small talk and therefore chooses not to talk except to the people he knows, and he doesn't dance, so it doesn't leave much for him to do at these receptions. He's very much an introvert and would like to appeal to the other introverts on our guest list (of which there are a number) by having a wide range of activities for guests to participate in, if they so choose. For example: The open concept living room/kitchen will house the dance floor and bar respectively. Cleared out guest room will be our photobooth area. Family room will be a lounge area for discussion/relaxing. Garage will be a small movie theatre with snacks and our favorite movie playing. And a portion of the backyard will have a small firepit with marshmallow toasting. 

    I love the idea of all of this, but because I have no family in town, and we've chosen not to have a wedding party, AND I'm doing the dessert table, I'm worried it's going to be far too much work for the two of us to get everything ready...

    Does anyone have experience with a backyard/in home wedding and reception, or can they offer me any advice on this?
    Thanks in advance!
    I would skip the movie room, it might be easy and take no time but it is odd at party. 

    Second, are you hiring caterers for the appetizers? 
  • Hey everyone. So, I need some advice. 
    My fiance and I have wavered a bit and have decided to have our wedding and reception at home. We're getting married at the end of September 2019, the guest list is about 60-70, and it's going to be cocktail-style, with light appetizers served toward the beginning of the reception, and heavier appies served around dinner time. I'm doing the desserts. My backyard isn't terribly level (it's large enough but the largest part of the yard is sloped), and the evening should be moderately cool given the time of year, so we're thinking about having a lot of the reception indoors, especially in the later hours of the evening. We've just bought this house and it's twice the space we've lived in before, so there will still be a lot of empty space, allowing enough room for people to walk about the house unhindered. We have three bathrooms, so that's not an issue.

    My fiance abhors the traditional/typical wedding reception format, ie sit down dinner followed by toasts and then dancing. At every wedding we've been to together he has been incredibly bored because he's a bit socially awkward in that he hates small talk and therefore chooses not to talk except to the people he knows, and he doesn't dance, so it doesn't leave much for him to do at these receptions. He's very much an introvert and would like to appeal to the other introverts on our guest list (of which there are a number) by having a wide range of activities for guests to participate in, if they so choose. For example: The open concept living room/kitchen will house the dance floor and bar respectively. Cleared out guest room will be our photobooth area. Family room will be a lounge area for discussion/relaxing. Garage will be a small movie theatre with snacks and our favorite movie playing. And a portion of the backyard will have a small firepit with marshmallow toasting. 

    I love the idea of all of this, but because I have no family in town, and we've chosen not to have a wedding party, AND I'm doing the dessert table, I'm worried it's going to be far too much work for the two of us to get everything ready...

    Does anyone have experience with a backyard/in home wedding and reception, or can they offer me any advice on this?
    Thanks in advance!
    I would skip the movie room, it might be easy and take no time but it is odd at party. 

    Second, are you hiring caterers for the appetizers? 
    I would also skip dancing. That set up isn’t conducive to it. 
  • Definitely hiring caterers, yes. So, no movie or dancing? The dancing was mostly for me, since I'm the dancer. The living room is large enough to hold about 15 dancers comfortably, we'd clear the furniture out and leave room for a couple of cocktail tables, but otherwise have the room empty. 
  • edited February 2018
    I would keep the music and space for dancing but let it happen organically. Some people are dance party people, some aren’t (my friends are).
    edited to add: but keep some furniture so the area isn’t empty. People aren’t going to dance in an area they aren’t hanging out in.

    I would just treat this like like any other party you would throw at your house, because that is basically all a reception is. Are you doing a cake cutting, toasts, or any of the other things?
  • Definitely hiring caterers, yes. So, no movie or dancing? The dancing was mostly for me, since I'm the dancer. The living room is large enough to hold about 15 dancers comfortably, we'd clear the furniture out and leave room for a couple of cocktail tables, but otherwise have the room empty. 
    I just think you’ll have a hard time getting a dance party going. 
  • Are you hiring a DJ for the dance party? I think you'd need to put a fair amount into music and uplighting to make it very obvious to people like, "hey we're dancing in here" and less like, "this is a house party and we should mingle"
  • I'm not sure that people would want to dance at this type of party, but otherwise it sounds fine, as long as there are alternatives to the movie if guests don't want to do that.
  • That's sort of the whole point of having options, tho-- to give guests the option of dancing if they want to. Or watch a movie if they'd rather not dance (although now I'm reconsidering the movie thing). I'm not going to coax people onto the dance floor, but I'll play music and have space for it and if people are so inclined, they can dance. I would like to have a first dance with my husband in that space though, and the cake cutting will also happen, both events in quick succession of each other. Once we have our first dance, I was going to crank the music and leave the floor open to whoever wants to dance. 
    And no, no toasts. My FH doesn't want to sit in a room and be toasted; he feels super awkward when people congratulate him for anything. Also toasts have a tendency of turning into speeches and those can get awkward and boring, especially if the person doing the toasting is not the best writer. I'm indifferent, so I'm okay with nixing the toasts. 

  • Are you hiring a DJ for the dance party? I think you'd need to put a fair amount into music and uplighting to make it very obvious to people like, "hey we're dancing in here" and less like, "this is a house party and we should mingle"
    We were just going to rent some party lights and do the whole Ipad thing, with a good mix of dance music and decent transitions. I'd definitely put a lot of time into the music mix. The dancing area is also where my open bar is going to be (I'm hiring a bartender) so basically I'm turning the upstairs into a small nightclub...but not trashy.
  • I think you're taking on way too much, honestly. 

    Between now and September 2019, I can guarantee you that your guest list will grow. For starters, having 70+ people using 3 toilets (one of them probably your master bathroom, walking through your bedroom?) is pretty unreasonable. Also, you need a seat for every butt (yes, even if you're serving appetizers). No way is your house big enough to have 70 chairs. Plus getting people to leave your house at the end of the night will be a problem - I guarantee you that. It's easier when it's at someone else's house and the couple leaves. But y'all aren't leaving so people will feel inclined to linger. 

    If your FI hates conventional weddings, that's fine. Make the party whatever you want - heavy apps and a strolling style wedding sound great (as long as you have enough food and chairs for everyone). But I would rent a large room at a restaurant with enough space for a dance floor if that's what you want. Then all the set up, clean up, cooking, bathrooms, logistics, details, etc. is taken care of. I promise you, the cost is worth it. 
    You've made a few decent points. Getting people to leave might be an issue, especially if they're having a really good time (which I sort of hope is the case). I'm hoping that an ending time on the invitation and turning the music off at that time will be a strong indicator for people to leave. Also I'm not afraid to be all "I love you. Now get out."
    My house is 2600sq feet, a lot of that is currently unused space, and I also have a large deck at the back of the house on which I can put a few tables and chairs for people to sit at. 
    At this moment, my guest list is 48 people, and about 90% of them live out of town and/or out of the country, so I'm honestly not expecting a large number of them to show up. So in a way, I've inadvertently covered the inevitable guest list growth with the estimate of 60-70p. 
    One of the bathrooms is indeed in the master suite, but we're using that room as our office/craft room now, so I have no issue with people walking through it. It'll be encouraged! 
    I want to be super involved with the planning and creation of everything-- my girlfriend who just got married tells me to "pay for stuff to be done for you, it's so worth it!" But I'm not convinced. I'm super picky and a hardcore DIYer (and type A personality to the max), so I just want to do everything myself with my partner's help, and make it totally uniquely ours...if that makes sense. 
  • I think you're taking on way too much, honestly. 

    Between now and September 2019, I can guarantee you that your guest list will grow. For starters, having 70+ people using 3 toilets (one of them probably your master bathroom, walking through your bedroom?) is pretty unreasonable. Also, you need a seat for every butt (yes, even if you're serving appetizers). No way is your house big enough to have 70 chairs. Plus getting people to leave your house at the end of the night will be a problem - I guarantee you that. It's easier when it's at someone else's house and the couple leaves. But y'all aren't leaving so people will feel inclined to linger. 

    If your FI hates conventional weddings, that's fine. Make the party whatever you want - heavy apps and a strolling style wedding sound great (as long as you have enough food and chairs for everyone). But I would rent a large room at a restaurant with enough space for a dance floor if that's what you want. Then all the set up, clean up, cooking, bathrooms, logistics, details, etc. is taken care of. I promise you, the cost is worth it. 
    You've made a few decent points. Getting people to leave might be an issue, especially if they're having a really good time (which I sort of hope is the case). I'm hoping that an ending time on the invitation and turning the music off at that time will be a strong indicator for people to leave. Also I'm not afraid to be all "I love you. Now get out."
    My house is 2600sq feet, a lot of that is currently unused space, and I also have a large deck at the back of the house on which I can put a few tables and chairs for people to sit at. 
    At this moment, my guest list is 48 people, and about 90% of them live out of town and/or out of the country, so I'm honestly not expecting a large number of them to show up. So in a way, I've inadvertently covered the inevitable guest list growth with the estimate of 60-70p. 
    One of the bathrooms is indeed in the master suite, but we're using that room as our office/craft room now, so I have no issue with people walking through it. It'll be encouraged! 
    I want to be super involved with the planning and creation of everything-- my girlfriend who just got married tells me to "pay for stuff to be done for you, it's so worth it!" But I'm not convinced. I'm super picky and a hardcore DIYer (and type A personality to the max), so I just want to do everything myself with my partner's help, and make it totally uniquely ours...if that makes sense. 
    I really think you can accomplish everything you want to accomplish and not have to host this in your house. Right now, the concept is abstract because you're still in the planning/dreaming/idealizing phase, but once you get into the details, it's going to be A LOT to take on and manage....all at a time when you really want to focus on this huge milestone and your FI. It's a recipe for the "meaning" getting lost in the "to dos", IMHO.

    If I were you, I would look into alternative event spaces - restaurants, parks and rec, community center rooms, etc. All places that will offer the bathrooms, parking, (likely) tables and chairs, and facilities you'll need, but they're still a blank slate. You can still DIY, you can still bake, you can still do all the things you want to do without hosting in your house.
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  • Thanks for all the different suggestions. I'll definitely have some things to think about. 
  • Can I also add that you'll want to have servers/bartenders, etc.? I know it sounds fine to just have everyone grab their own beers or pour their own wine, but a bartender is definitely necessary. Even at regular old parties at my house with >20 people, someone usually ends up behind the bar serving everyone and you don't want that at your wedding. Or worse, 60 people pouring their own drinks and spilling and running out of Coke and not knowing where the backups are, etc. Same with food - someone will need to be emptying garbage cans, making sure the tables are cleared, making sure empty buffet trays get replenished, things like that.

    A wedding at your house will definitely be a lot of work but it can go smoothly if you're well organized and well aware of the work you'll have to put into it.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Keep it simple.  You will have less stress.
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  • So we went to a wedding kind of like this over the summer. It was in a smaller, historic house, but they had activities in different rooms. One of the things I remember from that is it would have been really nice to have some kind of program or drawing of the house with what was happening in each room.

    I do think you're taking on kind of a lot. The wedding we went to used inside and outside space (and it ended up raining on and off the. entire. time.) and there was a photo booth, yard games, snacks, "heavy" apps (NOT enough food for sure), music, inside games and something else I might be forgetting. It seemed a little disjointed, and we weren't ever sure where we were supposed to go or where things were happening. 

    As a side note, we also have a house about the same size as yours, and the entire downstairs is very open. We've had parties with about 35ish people and it starts getting a little..."full." We also have two rooms downstairs with not much furniture, and it does start to get a little hard to move around and mingle with that many people. Once you add in seating for everyone plus some tables or things to place drinks/plates/etc on, the space may fill up faster than you'd think. What about something like a banquet hall, community center, park building (there's a real word for those things), bowling alley, heck movie theater if you don't want the conventional wedding? It would be a TON less work for you as far as logistics (and CLEANING), but you could still DIY a lot of decorations, desserts, all the fun stuff. You don't want to be worried about the line for the bathroom, someone spilling, parking issues, neighborhood issues, so on and so forth on your wedding night.
  • So we went to a wedding kind of like this over the summer. It was in a smaller, historic house, but they had activities in different rooms. One of the things I remember from that is it would have been really nice to have some kind of program or drawing of the house with what was happening in each room.

    I do think you're taking on kind of a lot. The wedding we went to used inside and outside space (and it ended up raining on and off the. entire. time.) and there was a photo booth, yard games, snacks, "heavy" apps (NOT enough food for sure), music, inside games and something else I might be forgetting. It seemed a little disjointed, and we weren't ever sure where we were supposed to go or where things were happening. 

    As a side note, we also have a house about the same size as yours, and the entire downstairs is very open. We've had parties with about 35ish people and it starts getting a little..."full." We also have two rooms downstairs with not much furniture, and it does start to get a little hard to move around and mingle with that many people. Once you add in seating for everyone plus some tables or things to place drinks/plates/etc on, the space may fill up faster than you'd think. What about something like a banquet hall, community center, park building (there's a real word for those things), bowling alley, heck movie theater if you don't want the conventional wedding? It would be a TON less work for you as far as logistics (and CLEANING), but you could still DIY a lot of decorations, desserts, all the fun stuff. You don't want to be worried about the line for the bathroom, someone spilling, parking issues, neighborhood issues, so on and so forth on your wedding night.
    Thanks so much for your input. We will definitely be making an itinerary for the reception and possibly a map of our place if we still decide to have as many activities as we're hoping to have. We're pretty dead set on having everything at home, so I think renting a venue is just not for us. We live in a small town, and none of the places that jive with us are in our price range. Maybe we just need to pare down our guest list so it's more in the 40's range? 

    I'm really hoping the weather is nice enough that people don't have to be inside all the time, allowing for full use of my half-acre property. I don't want it to feel crowded or stuffy at any time...   

    Having enough food is a major consideration for me. I'm one of those people who buys a 14-lb turkey to feed 6 people at Thanksgiving, so I definitely want to make sure my guests and myself are well-fed throughout the night. Also well-liquored. 
  • Also I realllly want to do my own desserts, but I'm in Canada and our food laws are a little different. Most of the venues require outside food that is being brought in to be coming from a commercial kitchen...I don't have one of those...
  • So we went to a wedding kind of like this over the summer. (snip) there was a photo booth, yard games, snacks, "heavy" apps (NOT enough food for sure) (snip)
    (snip) 

    Having enough food is a major consideration for me. I'm one of those people who buys a 14-lb turkey to feed 6 people at Thanksgiving, so I definitely want to make sure my guests and myself are well-fed throughout the night. Also well-liquored. 
    Not enough food has definitely been the case at the majority of weddings I go to that are "mingling" or "not dinner but heavy apps" weddings. It's so, so easily avoided and such awful hosting.

    I would recommend stations with dinner-ish food - like a carving station, a pasta station, etc. It will take up less space than a large spread of various apps and provide more substantial food. 
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  • So we went to a wedding kind of like this over the summer. It was in a smaller, historic house, but they had activities in different rooms. One of the things I remember from that is it would have been really nice to have some kind of program or drawing of the house with what was happening in each room.

    I do think you're taking on kind of a lot. The wedding we went to used inside and outside space (and it ended up raining on and off the. entire. time.) and there was a photo booth, yard games, snacks, "heavy" apps (NOT enough food for sure), music, inside games and something else I might be forgetting. It seemed a little disjointed, and we weren't ever sure where we were supposed to go or where things were happening. 

    As a side note, we also have a house about the same size as yours, and the entire downstairs is very open. We've had parties with about 35ish people and it starts getting a little..."full." We also have two rooms downstairs with not much furniture, and it does start to get a little hard to move around and mingle with that many people. Once you add in seating for everyone plus some tables or things to place drinks/plates/etc on, the space may fill up faster than you'd think. What about something like a banquet hall, community center, park building (there's a real word for those things), bowling alley, heck movie theater if you don't want the conventional wedding? It would be a TON less work for you as far as logistics (and CLEANING), but you could still DIY a lot of decorations, desserts, all the fun stuff. You don't want to be worried about the line for the bathroom, someone spilling, parking issues, neighborhood issues, so on and so forth on your wedding night.
    Thanks so much for your input. We will definitely be making an itinerary for the reception and possibly a map of our place if we still decide to have as many activities as we're hoping to have. We're pretty dead set on having everything at home, so I think renting a venue is just not for us. We live in a small town, and none of the places that jive with us are in our price range. Maybe we just need to pare down our guest list so it's more in the 40's range? 

    I'm really hoping the weather is nice enough that people don't have to be inside all the time, allowing for full use of my half-acre property. I don't want it to feel crowded or stuffy at any time...   

    Having enough food is a major consideration for me. I'm one of those people who buys a 14-lb turkey to feed 6 people at Thanksgiving, so I definitely want to make sure my guests and myself are well-fed throughout the night. Also well-liquored. 
    So in your initial post, you say the weather should be cool at night and you plan to have most of the reception indoors. If you do plan to utilize the outdoors, you should probably look into some kind of tent type thing and consider a rain plan. I would cut your guest list down and 40ish is like the ABSOLUTE max number of people I'd want to have in our house.

    But again, I think most people here would suggest reconsidering having your wedding at your own house. There's just so much to think about when you host an event, and it would likely be worth the money spent to not worry about that in the days leading up to your wedding. We had about 25 people over on NYE and were up an extra hour after everyone left cleaning up, plus like the whole day getting the house ready. And that was for a casual, laid back party. I'm not trying to be harsh; I didn't realize everything that went into hosting a big party at home until we got our house and started hosting events. And once we got married, I realized how nice it was to not have to worry about all of the logistical details on a day when we should just be enjoying our friends and families and each other. 

    A lot of things sound like a good idea at first, and it's SO easy to get caught up in the planning when things are still in that hypothetical stage but you might change your mind on some of it once you start making plans. 
  • I had my ceremony and reception at my mother's/stepfather's house.  They have a nice sized patio/deck area.  I had 35 guests.  It was a lot of work and we even hired most things out.

    Our caterer came and dropped off the food, but we didn't have any servers.  It was buffet style.  We didn't have a bartender and guests could help themselves to beverages.  But we also didn't have mixed drinks, other than a signature cocktail (brought by the caterer) that was in its own dispenser.

    We didn't have activities.  We had background music with an IPod, but there wasn't room for dancing.  Everyone mingled and it seemed like everyone had a nice time.  I loved having a smaller, more intimate wedding.  I felt like I had a chance to catch up with and have a longer than typical (for a wedding couple) conversation with everyone.

    If you already think the dessert table will be too much work, it will be!  Perhaps a compromise of making one or two of your favorite desserts and then supplementing with store bought.

    Another valuable tip.  My mom has a weekly cleaning service.  She made arrangements for them to make a special trip about an hour after the reception ended.  WHAT.A.GODSEND!  They tidied up and put all the leftover food away.  Because of that, we were all able to relax as things started winding down and ending.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Just another thing to think about - do you have the space for all these guests to park their cars? 
  • Just another thing to think about - do you have the space for all these guests to park their cars? 
    I was just thinking the same thing.  My neighbors would KILL me if I had that many cars in our neighborhood.  
  • Also I realllly want to do my own desserts, but I'm in Canada and our food laws are a little different. Most of the venues require outside food that is being brought in to be coming from a commercial kitchen...I don't have one of those...
    No, they're not. You also need to check with your home owners liability. I looked into having a backyard wedding and our house insurance wouldn't cover it, we would have had to take out extra insurance. I don't know what province you are in, but in Ontario, you will also have to provide liability insurance to receive a liquor license for your property. 

    In the end we scaled way back and decided on a restaurant reception because we didn't want to do any of the work. 
  • At a wedding reception, people are going to want to spend time with the bride and groom, and you're going to want to spend time with each other (you just got married!). It's not the same as a "regular party" in that sense. You're not just throwing a party so your guests have fun--you're throwing a reception to receive your guests and thank them for attending your ceremony. As a guest, I wouldn't want to go hang out outside, or have a dance party, or watch a movie, if the couple is doing something totally different. You guys will have to circulate a lot--that doesn't sound very easy with the setup you have planned. If you're having a blast dancing, you'll likely feel bad about not roasting marshmallows outside, and if your guests are out there more than 30 minutes or so with no sight of the bride or groom, they're going to feel slighted. 

    I'd seriously consider looking into various venues that might work better for you guys--something where it's easier to spend time with all your guests. 

    Honestly, one of the biggest challenges in planning is making the realization that you're throwing ONE event. So you have to pick ONE event to throw. You have a million ideas and that's great, but you can't successfully fit a million ideas into one event. 

    Maybe you could have the rehearsal dinner at your house instead? Maybe you could throw a party at a different time for a different reason (or no reason at all) at your house?
  • I'm in BC. We've already looked into the liquor licensing and it won't be needed since we're on private property. I might need to look into the liability insurance, though. That's a good point. 
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