So when I originally did my rough draft of guest list to see the maximum number of people who could show up I gave everyone over 16 a plus one to make sure we would have room. Now that we are closer to addressing and sending invites who should get a "and guest on invite?" My main question is the list my FMIL gave me some people have "and guest" some don't and I don't know if the people are 16 or 90. She invited our future neighbors (FI's current neighbors) and the majority of them are in their 80s and widowed. She did not have and guest for these ladies.
All of my great aunts are widowed and have been for years. One of them has lots of "male friends" so she is getting and guest. But some have been single since their husbands past years ago.
Is this a case by case basis or a set rule/guide?
Obviously if I know they are dating someone that persons name goes on the invite. I'm asking about the ones who are single.
*edited for clarity
Re: Plus one line
This is up to you. I would give a +1 to the older people as they might want to bring someone who will drive them. I would also keep it consistent. As in, don't give a +1 to 15 out of 16 of your friends and not the 16th.
edit: your/you're
- Folks who won't know anyone at the wedding
- Folks who are travelling a long distance and might be looking for someone to split a hotel room with / explore an area with
- Family. I'm kinda of the attitude that if an adult family member would feel comfortable bringing someone to a wedding (like, the last single cousin wants to bring a friend), or they're seeing someone they haven't told people about yet and would like the chance to introduce them they should get that opportunity, and I trust them not to just bring a date for the sake of a date, so I'd like them to feel the most comfortable.
Careful with older people - I know I mentioned to my FMIL that her mom (FGMIL) would be welcome to bring a guest, but she's a widow, and FMIL cautioned me that if I write "and guest" on her invite I'll insult her, and it would be better to just verbally communicate that if she wants someone to accompany her that's not already invited (which would be unlikely because all her kids, grandkids, and nieces/nephews are already attending) she can bring them.
No one is entitled to a random date for your wedding, and, as others have said, you should always try to get the name of the guest instead of writing "and guest". It sounds like you have things under control.
For yours, if you have room and budget, I’d give a plus one to everyone. If you don’t, then I’d probably not give a plus one to guests under 18 and then consider it social circle by social circle. If you have singles in the same social circle/at the same table, it would be awkward to give one/some a plus one and not others.
One rule of thumb is to give a +1 to only those for whom you could give a named guest (vs. "and guest"). This could be regardless of the stage of their relationship, how long they've been together, etc. OR you could set some sort of parameter, i.e., only SO's of 6 months or longer, only couples engaged or living together, etc. But consistency is key. Pick the rule of thumb that feels most appropriate for your circle and stick with it.
I'll also add that regardless of relationship status, I think it's common courtesy to give every member of your wedding party a +1.
This. Also a "plus one" is for truly single people. People in relationships don't get plus ones. They get their partner invited by name. Period.
To set any kind of parameter is incredibly rude.
Picking any arbitrary parameter where YOU are judging the state of THEIR relationship is wrong. Period. It doesn't matter if they met yesterday and eloped today, or have been dating for 30 years and still not living together. It's not up to you to decide if the person is in a relationship (a couple, a social unit) or not.