Etiquette
knottie17e1954658675cea
member
Receiving Lines
in Etiquette
Hey everyone,
I’m getting married in September with about 150 guests. My mother insists on having a receiving line, even though my fiancé & I are very awkward when it comes to having strangers randomly hug us or shake our hands. My fiancé & I have told her that we plan on greeting guests at the table & striking a conversation with them during the reception. We feel that it’s more relaxed & more personable if we go table to table rather than spend 15-45 minutes shaking everyone’s hands. What are the pros & cons of one? If you had one at your wedding, would you recommend one? Thanks!
I’m getting married in September with about 150 guests. My mother insists on having a receiving line, even though my fiancé & I are very awkward when it comes to having strangers randomly hug us or shake our hands. My fiancé & I have told her that we plan on greeting guests at the table & striking a conversation with them during the reception. We feel that it’s more relaxed & more personable if we go table to table rather than spend 15-45 minutes shaking everyone’s hands. What are the pros & cons of one? If you had one at your wedding, would you recommend one? Thanks!
Re: Receiving Lines
How many strangers are attending your wedding and why?
Personally, I would have the same awkward uncomfortable concerns as you. And that's why I'd prefer a receiving line. In a receiving line, there's 149 people behind you waiting to congratulate the couple, so there's less awkward small-talk. People will give you a quick hug or handshake, say congrats and move on. With table visits, I feel like there's more of an opening for awkward small talk with these "strangers".
This doesn't take as much time as table visits, and you can certainly do table visits at the reception. I have seen one of the bridesmaids tasked with a gentle, "You need to move on to the reception," and a shoulder tap if a guest doesn't get it. Easy.
Table visits are acceptable in lieu of a receiving line, but you will have to make the rounds as soon as you finish your meal to greet the guests while they are at their tables. Table visits can take longer and require more effort on your part to keep track of guests and the time.
Either way, plan on handshakes and hugs.
That said, while you don't actually need to touch other people, you do need to expect that your guests will shake your hand or try to hug or kiss you and come up with a strategy to deal with it.
Recieving lines are quicker as there’s more pressure to move things along. Table visits can also mean skipping dinner or shoveling food to ensure you make it to all the tables while people are eating.
The only "strangers" at our wedding were family members or friends of the other person we hadn't met yet, plus like two guests neither of us knew. But everyone at the wedding will be the friend or family member of one of you, or someone close to a person you care about.
The few times I experienced table visits, it seemed like they took a little longer and had to be more coordinated. It would be easier to miss people if they were at the bar or the bathroom and you'll need someone to keep track and make sure you don't skip a table.
Are receiving lines common for Jewish weddings / non church weddings? I don't think I've ever seen one, but the majority of weddings I've been to have been Jewish weddings and most have been in the NY/NJ area, where weddings are just a little extra in general. There's a lot of things on theknot that I've never seen before (a cash bar, a dry wedding, a cake and punch reception, a beer and wine only bar, a wedding without enough food, self catering, I've only been to 1 wedding with a buffet, etc.) I've only ever seen table visits. I think I'd feel kind of shafted if I didn't get like an individualized visit during the reception and just got a quick hug in a line. Just curious if this is just a "my family and friends" thing or a cultural/regional thing.
Not to derail but is this just me?
@kahluakoala, I've been to one wedding where the groom was Jewish. But, overall, the ceremony was more secular. Not in a temple, officiant not related to a religion. It was a small, intimate wedding and the couple only did table visits.
The other weddings I've been to have either been Christian-based or secular. I feel like, when the ceremony has been in a church, there is a receiving line. Because it just kind of makes sense. When it isn't, there are table visits. But that is a big generalization.
Personally, if a wedding is large enough to possibly "miss" people while doing table visits, I'd do a receiving line to make sure all my guests are acknowledged. And then also try to briefly visit with everyone during the reception. Whether that's at their table, on the dance floor, at the bar, etc.
This might be an old school vs new school situation. We had a few older relatives ask about receiving lines, and we just explained that we would visit each table.
Try to explain to your mother that you want to give guests a more personal chit-chat instead of the receiving line, since "it seems rushed" {legit words I used}
About the strangers - I had some of my H's family that I'd never met but he knew come. To me they were strangers, so that might be where OP is coming from?
I belong to several women's organizations that still do receiving lines, especially if there is a VIP guest being honored.
I've actually never been to a wedding with a receiving line. (Most of the weddings I've been to have been in the south, mostly catholic or secular weddings). TBH, I would find it kind of weird to wait in line to say hi to someone. It's just not my experience. Having the couple circulate during dinner seems much more natural to me.
We did table visits during dinner. We had about 100, so 12ish tables. It took about 30 minutes total. I had a DOC who signaled me or H at 5 minutes per table to keep it moving.
We had a receiving line right after the ceremony. We had our ceremony and reception at the same location, same room, so we had our receiving line during the 15min room change over. Our receiving line was just DH and I, so it went pretty quick with the "Congratulations! You look great!... Thank you for coming!".
I am big into eating, so I wanted to make sure we had time to sit down and enjoy our dinner. However, we still had time in between courses to do additional table visits and chat with guests.
You need to be methodical and ensure you thank everyone for attending. Table visits whilst everyone is eating works because they are corralled. Just also know this means you two won’t be eating a nice leisurely meal.
You cant blame social anxiety to get out of this. If you do not want to greet people at your wedding, elope.
We had our day-of-coordinator join us on table visits, which was really helpful. She made sure we visited each table and kept an eye on her watch. After 2 minutes, she graciously excused us.
Table visits are another story. It seems natural to me to get up at a party and circulate among the guests--it's easier to simply say a nice "hello, thanks for coming" to the person you barely know and "OMG your dress is amazing, is this your new boyfriend, he's so cute" to your friend from college without feeling like someone's waiting in line to talk to you next, or as a guest, I don't feel forced to come up with more small talk until the person ahead of me is done.
I don't know where people get the idea that the bride and groom have to scarf down their dinners if they're doing table visits. It wasn't like that at all for my wedding. We were served first, and had plenty of time to eat before getting up to do the table visits between courses. Like any wedding (or dinner out at a nice restaurant) the courses don't come out rapid-fire where you're expected to be eating 100% of the time from start of the first course until the end of the last course; you just do the table visits between.
Table visits definitely do take more time than a receiving line, but they just seem so much more natural/less awkward to me.