Dear Amy: A couple of months ago my daughter gave birth to a baby girl. I was so happy until I learned her name. The baby’s first name is lovely. It honors her father’s side of the family. The baby’s last name is my son-in-law’s surname. But the baby was given two middle names — a male, ethnic version of my late husband’s name and his last name. My family and I were totally left out.
I was deeply hurt. And I don’t think my husband would have been happy with the way the baby girl is saddled with a very awkward masculine middle name.
I’ve expressed my thoughts to my daughter, but she is sticking with the middle names.
My late husband died when she was in her early teens and our relationship, which had been very good, soured. After that, nothing I did was right.
I was a loving and devoted mother to her and hoped she would realize that, especially after she had a child of her own. But I don’t see that happening, and I’m thinking of simply fading out of my daughter’s life. I don’t think she would miss me and, at this point, vice versa. My second husband’s daughter and grandchildren love me. Rather than beating my head against a brick wall, I think I’d rather devote my energy to having a relationship with people who appreciate me. My only reservation is that my natural granddaughter will miss out on having a relationship.
What’s in a Name?