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Step Father

Hi everyone! I am having some problems with how to include my step dad in the wedding. 

My father passed away 5 years ago and my mom remarried only this past year. My step father has only been in my life for about 2 years. My plan is for my mom to walk me down the aisle and dance with me. I have two brothers and two uncles I am really close with so I didn't know who to choose so I figured my mom should just do both. I was extremely close with my father and although I love my step dad, I would feel like he was replacing my dad at my wedding which is a way I do not want to feel. 

But I want to include my step dad because he is paying for part of the wedding. Should I have him just do a reading? Any other ideas of what I can do? 


Re: Step Father

  • I also think honoring him by asking him to do a reading would be nice.  I also think it would be nice to dance with him at some point in the evening, just not for a spotlight dance.

    I was in a similar situation to you, when I got married.  My father passed away when I was in college.  My wedding/reception was at my mom/step dad's house.  My mom primarily paid for it, but I know my stepdad contributed also.  Plus, it was at his house!  I'd known him for many years at that point, but I was already an adult living away from home when he entered the picture.

    It's perfectly fine to have your mother walk you down the aisle.  That's what I did.  We didn't have "parent" dances, so that wasn't a factor.  I wouldn't think your stepdad would even expect to step into either of those roles. 

    What my FI and I did do, for both my mom and stepdad, is thank them for their generosity and for hosting all of it.  We also gave individual gifts to them. 

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Why not have both your mother and your stepfather walk you down the aisle, and have a special (if not a spotlight) dance with him?

    Beyond that, I'd ask him for ideas on how he can be "included."
  • When it comes to the reading, I'd say if that's something he'd normally be comfortable with being asked to do.  I wouldn't do it for doing it's sake, but if it's something that he's got the interest in doing, and his doing so would add to the meaningfulness of the ceremony, go for it...

    Yes, I agree on the invite to list as he's hosting with your Mom (and FIL's too if they're hosting as well) and absolutely yes to the bout and being seated with your Mom at all points (unless they're a "we love working the crowd" couple at the reception) as well..

    You never know, it could be a "game day decision" and you have both your Mom and SD walk you down the aisle.  Or you could even decide to walk solo.  Do not overthink this.  You aren't "replacing your Dad" in any of this regardless of what you ultimately decide.  
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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hi everyone! I am having some problems with how to include my step dad in the wedding. 

    My father passed away 5 years ago and my mom remarried only this past year. My step father has only been in my life for about 2 years. My plan is for my mom to walk me down the aisle and dance with me. I have two brothers and two uncles I am really close with so I didn't know who to choose so I figured my mom should just do both. I was extremely close with my father and although I love my step dad, I would feel like he was replacing my dad at my wedding which is a way I do not want to feel. 

    But I want to include my step dad because he is paying for part of the wedding. Should I have him just do a reading? Any other ideas of what I can do? 


    I agree that walking with your mom up the aisle makes the most sense.  To me, that is a very intimate component of the ceremony, and regardless of your feelings for your mom's husband, it seems appropriate to walk only with your mom.

    The other factor to consider is how he would feel about having a role in your wedding.  He may not want to feel intrusive or presumptuous either. 

    It is thoughtful for you to consider him, but I don't think his financial contribution should necessarily be a factor.  We paid for DD and DS's weddings and had zero expectations.  My son opted not to do a mother/son dance and I was fine with it.  He was awkward enough dancing with his bride, as it is SO not his "thing".  My DIL also chose not to dance with her dad. Finances should not dictate roles and could also be construed as "offensive" if the paying party felt that was the factor driving the motive, if that makes sense.
    ShesSoColdshort+sassy
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