Wedding Woes

An hour. For. A. Bath.

Dear Prudence,

I live in a three-bedroom house with a couple, who use the master bedroom, and “Hannah.” Hannah and I have our own rooms but share a Jack-and-Jill bathroom. We’ve always gotten along. I routinely take an hourlong bath every day at 6 p.m. I work early and then go to the gym; this has always been my schedule. Recently Hannah hosted her sisters and parents for a visit. Hannah was out and didn’t tell her family about my schedule. I was in the bath when one of her sisters started pounding on the door, saying they needed to get ready to go out. I yelled that I was in the bath. Twenty minutes later, I heard a second pounding on the door. The other sister wanted to use the bathroom. Again, I told her I was in the bath. Both sisters and Hannah’s mother then had a loud discussion of how “horribly rude” I was. I guess they didn’t realize I could hear them through the door. Apparently it’s a huge breach of manners to take a bath when you have guests.

The icing on the cake: Hannah’s mother said I was obviously raised in a barn and my mother should be ashamed of me. I was so embarrassed I didn’t say anything. I stayed in my room all weekend and pled illness to get out of the dinner my other roommates were hosting. I can’t get that conversation out of my head, but I don’t see what good it will do to tell Hannah. What should I do?

—Bath Blues

«13

Re: An hour. For. A. Bath.

  • Eye rolls. Count your lucky stars you’ve found a roommate who is okay with this routine and be a decent person when other people are over who need to use the bathroom and cut your precious bath short on those days. 
  • Eye rolls. Count your lucky stars you’ve found a roommate who is okay with this routine and be a decent person when other people are over who need to use the bathroom and cut your precious bath short on those days. 
    I super disagree. It's LW's house, too. If this is her routine, it's her routine. Clearly she and Hannah have worked it out. 

    I'd talk to Hannah and say next time there are guests that will be sharing the space that maybe they should work out a better plan if the guests use of the bathroom is going to impact LW. 

    That said, I do think LW could have cut her bath short one time to avoid this whole thing. But the sisters also could have talked to LW ahead of time saying they were going to need the bathroom to get ready. 
  • Eye rolls. Count your lucky stars you’ve found a roommate who is okay with this routine and be a decent person when other people are over who need to use the bathroom and cut your precious bath short on those days. 
    I super disagree. It's LW's house, too. If this is her routine, it's her routine. Clearly she and Hannah have worked it out. 

    I'd talk to Hannah and say next time there are guests that will be sharing the space that maybe they should work out a better plan if the guests use of the bathroom is going to impact LW. 

    That said, I do think LW could have cut her bath short one time to avoid this whole thing. But the sisters also could have talked to LW ahead of time saying they were going to need the bathroom to get ready. 
    I think that’s ridiculous. Someone needs to use the bathroom, you need to share. The sisters couldnt possibly anticipate this situation. 
  • banana468 said:
    What family did this person grow up in where an hour for a bath was acceptable at 6 PM?? 

    LW, it's not normal to occupy a shared bathroom for an hour ESPECIALLY during prime meal hours when people are generally getting home from work, preparing meals, etc.    While you can argue that Hannah's family should work around your schedule you're a fool to think that an hour long bath in a shared bathroom at that hour is even remotely a good idea. 

    If you want an hour long bath as a routine you should consider a one bedroom apartment. 
    And it’s great that she’s found a roommate who’s cool with it! Awesome! But be a normal person and have some flexibility. And if you don’t, yup. People are going to call you rude. Because you are. 
  • Eye rolls. Count your lucky stars you’ve found a roommate who is okay with this routine and be a decent person when other people are over who need to use the bathroom and cut your precious bath short on those days. 
    I super disagree. It's LW's house, too. If this is her routine, it's her routine. Clearly she and Hannah have worked it out. 

    I'd talk to Hannah and say next time there are guests that will be sharing the space that maybe they should work out a better plan if the guests use of the bathroom is going to impact LW. 

    That said, I do think LW could have cut her bath short one time to avoid this whole thing. But the sisters also could have talked to LW ahead of time saying they were going to need the bathroom to get ready. 
    I think that’s ridiculous. Someone needs to use the bathroom, you need to share. The sisters couldnt possibly anticipate this situation. 
    Fair, and I do think at the time LW should have just cut the bath short and shared. 

    But I do think Hannah should have told the sisters that LW uses the bathroom for an hour around 6pm and to either talk to LW about cutting it short, or getting ready before/after. 

    But this is why shared living sucks when people bring guests to stay. Having three more people share a bathroom already shared by two people sucks and is uncomfortable. 
  • Eye rolls. Count your lucky stars you’ve found a roommate who is okay with this routine and be a decent person when other people are over who need to use the bathroom and cut your precious bath short on those days. 
    I super disagree. It's LW's house, too. If this is her routine, it's her routine. Clearly she and Hannah have worked it out. 

    I'd talk to Hannah and say next time there are guests that will be sharing the space that maybe they should work out a better plan if the guests use of the bathroom is going to impact LW. 

    That said, I do think LW could have cut her bath short one time to avoid this whole thing. But the sisters also could have talked to LW ahead of time saying they were going to need the bathroom to get ready. 
    I think that’s ridiculous. Someone needs to use the bathroom, you need to share. The sisters couldnt possibly anticipate this situation. 
    Fair, and I do think at the time LW should have just cut the bath short and shared. 

    But I do think Hannah should have told the sisters that LW uses the bathroom for an hour around 6pm and to either talk to LW about cutting it short, or getting ready before/after. 

    But this is why shared living sucks when people bring guests to stay. Having three more people share a bathroom already shared by two people sucks and is uncomfortable. 
    In Nonasshole Land, most people interpret a knock on the door as a reason to move it along.  You don't need to be told to maybe change it up.
  • I'm with @VarunaTT here, I think the guests were out of line. Who cares what she was doing in the bathroom? It's her space, it's her time. Sure, she should have given the guests a heads up she was taking an hour long bath, but they were super rude, too. 
  • VarunaTT said:
    I'm a water baby.  I regularly take hour long baths as a way to destress and realign mentally, it's my "self-care" time.  Probably 2-3 times per week.  K and I have had to work out times/days I can do it.

    If I had a guest, I probably wouldn't do it in the first place, but if I needed to, I'd probably give a heads up to the guest.  And if bitches tried to come in or pound on the door after that, they'd probably have a wet, naked Varuna yelling at them at said door that they can go some damn place else or wait it out.

    Also, these guests were just mean AF about this.  They had every right to be disgruntled, but their reactions were rude and out of line too.  This was LW's space and whether LW mishandled it or not, the guests were out of line.
    I think the mom was rude to talk about how she was raised.

    That said, if I was invited to someone's home and I was blocked from using a shared restroom because someone couldn't move a bath along (which is different than say, "I'm experiencing intestinal distress" I would be pissed.  And I'd probably get loud about it because I'd find the entire situation so exasperating that someone on the inside was very much aware that I needed to get in and didn't do a damn thing to help remedy the situation.

    If the LW had advance notice that these people were there SHE should be the person who has a bit of an introspective look to say, "Hey if there will be house guests will this be an issue??"  

    I have nearly ZERO sympathy for this LW.   
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2018
    First sister just wanted to get ready, so I really have no care for her at all.

    The 2nd one, yeah, I think that is where LW failed here.  She should've given he heads up.  Really in my mind, Hannah should have, this sounds like LW's super regular routine that would be considered unusual, so probably should've been shared.  I wouldn't be super happy about getting out of the tub, but I would for someone to use the restroom.

    And guests behavior afterwards was still out of line, no matter how LW failed.
  • 1 - roomies mother was incredibly rude. How is bathing for a long time mean you're raised in a barn?

    2 - sister couldn't get ready anywhere else? Really? Bathroom lighting sucks, so doing her makeup there would actually be awful {most bathrooms have yellow lighting, ideal lighting is natural or even 'day light' bulbs - fyi ;) }

    3 - it's on LW about the other that needed to use the bathroom, but couldn't that person use another bathroom? If I was at someone's house and one bathroom was in use, and the person said they were in the bath I would just ask to use another bathroom.
  • 1 - roomies mother was incredibly rude. How is bathing for a long time mean you're raised in a barn?

    2 - sister couldn't get ready anywhere else? Really? Bathroom lighting sucks, so doing her makeup there would actually be awful {most bathrooms have yellow lighting, ideal lighting is natural or even 'day light' bulbs - fyi ;) }

    3 - it's on LW about the other that needed to use the bathroom, but couldn't that person use another bathroom? If I was at someone's house and one bathroom was in use, and the person said they were in the bath I would just ask to use another bathroom.
    On three, Idk what arrangements are but if using another bathroom were an option LW should have said that. 
  • 1 - roomies mother was incredibly rude. How is bathing for a long time mean you're raised in a barn?

    2 - sister couldn't get ready anywhere else? Really? Bathroom lighting sucks, so doing her makeup there would actually be awful {most bathrooms have yellow lighting, ideal lighting is natural or even 'day light' bulbs - fyi ;) }

    3 - it's on LW about the other that needed to use the bathroom, but couldn't that person use another bathroom? If I was at someone's house and one bathroom was in use, and the person said they were in the bath I would just ask to use another bathroom.
    On three, Idk what arrangements are but if using another bathroom were an option LW should have said that. 
    Honestly if I was in the bath and someone knocked, my first thought wouldn't be to offer another bathroom unless they asked.

    If I was knocking, I wouldn't be asking the person in there either - I'd ask the person I'm seeing if there's another bathroom I could use.
  • 1 - roomies mother was incredibly rude. How is bathing for a long time mean you're raised in a barn?

    2 - sister couldn't get ready anywhere else? Really? Bathroom lighting sucks, so doing her makeup there would actually be awful {most bathrooms have yellow lighting, ideal lighting is natural or even 'day light' bulbs - fyi ;) }

    3 - it's on LW about the other that needed to use the bathroom, but couldn't that person use another bathroom? If I was at someone's house and one bathroom was in use, and the person said they were in the bath I would just ask to use another bathroom.
    On three, Idk what arrangements are but if using another bathroom were an option LW should have said that. 
    Honestly if I was in the bath and someone knocked, my first thought wouldn't be to offer another bathroom unless they asked.

    If I was knocking, I wouldn't be asking the person in there either - I'd ask the person I'm seeing if there's another bathroom I could use.
    The sister wasn’t home. If you need to spend a full hour in the bath and don’t want people to think you are rude and inconsiderate then you need to actually demonstrate some consideration of their needs. 
  • banana468 said:
    1 - roomies mother was incredibly rude. How is bathing for a long time mean you're raised in a barn?

    2 - sister couldn't get ready anywhere else? Really? Bathroom lighting sucks, so doing her makeup there would actually be awful {most bathrooms have yellow lighting, ideal lighting is natural or even 'day light' bulbs - fyi ;) }

    3 - it's on LW about the other that needed to use the bathroom, but couldn't that person use another bathroom? If I was at someone's house and one bathroom was in use, and the person said they were in the bath I would just ask to use another bathroom.
    On three, Idk what arrangements are but if using another bathroom were an option LW should have said that. 
    Honestly if I was in the bath and someone knocked, my first thought wouldn't be to offer another bathroom unless they asked.

    If I was knocking, I wouldn't be asking the person in there either - I'd ask the person I'm seeing if there's another bathroom I could use.
    The sister wasn’t home. If you need to spend a full hour in the bath and don’t want people to think you are rude and inconsiderate then you need to actually demonstrate some consideration of their needs. 
    The only thing I'm wondering is why is the master bath off limits entirely? 

    If there's a plain understanding that the LW and Hannah (and their guests) are not to use it then I think you need to be considerate when you have house guests. 


    I agree with this. There are two bathrooms in this house, but are Hannah & LW never using the other one? And are the couple never using this one? 

    FTR I think LW should have hurried things up at the second request to actually use the bathroom. But the "getting ready" request? That would probably get a nope from me. 

    But again, this is a lot of people to have sharing one space. I'd be super annoyed if I lived in a shared house (with 3 other people) and one person added three more people to the mix that I had to accommodate for an entire weekend. Because I'm a reasonable person I'd probably limit my bath taking, and definitely give a heads up, but I wouldn't totally stop my routine for the entire weekend because now there are three more people using the shared space. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I don't think LW should have to totally change up her routine (that clearly works for her and her roommate) because the roommate decided to add three more people to the space. 

     I think the best solution for all of this is for the guests to stay at a hotel in the future. 
  • banana468 said:
    The only thing I'm wondering is why is the master bath off limits entirely? 

    If there's a plain understanding that the LW and Hannah (and their guests) are not to use it then I think you need to be considerate when you have house guests. 


    That was my impression from the letter.  If the couple with the master bedroom was home, it would have made sense for the guests to ask to use theirs.  But, if they weren't, I could understand where they may have felt that bathroom was "off limits".
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  • I also agree that the only thing Hannah needs to own is that her house guests doubled the number of people in the home.  

    Next time I think there needs to be more discussion on how to handle guests.

    In my head, this is a just out of college situation and maybe the staying with the roommate had more to do with "checking on her" than wanting to also visit the area but I could be wrong.


  • banana468 said:
    I also agree that the only thing Hannah needs to own is that her house guests doubled the number of people in the home.  

    Next time I think there needs to be more discussion on how to handle guests.

    In my head, this is a just out of college situation and maybe the staying with the roommate had more to do with "checking on her" than wanting to also visit the area but I could be wrong.

    Way back when.  When I had first graduated from college.  I thought to myself, "Hmmm.  I could stay in super HCOL Orange County, CA.  And live with a roommate for possibly my entire 20s.  Or, since I'm in a new life chapter and need to find a job anyway, I could move somewhere cheaper and be able to afford my own apartment NOW."

    Considering I've been living in NOLA for about 20 years.  Guess which path I chose.

    Not the only reason, but I did move halfway across the country so I didn't have to deal with roommates anymore, lol.

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  • VarunaTT said:
    I'm a water baby.  I regularly take hour long baths as a way to destress and realign mentally, it's my "self-care" time.  Probably 2-3 times per week.  K and I have had to work out times/days I can do it.

    If I had a guest, I probably wouldn't do it in the first place, but if I needed to, I'd probably give a heads up to the guest.  And if bitches tried to come in or pound on the door after that, they'd probably have a wet, naked Varuna yelling at them at said door that they can go some damn place else or wait it out.

    Also, these guests were just mean AF about this.  They had every right to be disgruntled, but their reactions were rude and out of line too.  This was LW's space and whether LW mishandled it or not, the guests were out of line.






    but she didn’t give them a heads up. She didn’t respond to the first knock with “gonna be another 40 minutes.”  She didn’t do anything except say “bath time” and expect what exactly? That they’d just no longer need the bathroom? I think LW is missing completely how to interact with other people here. 
    I did also state:

    "First sister just wanted to get ready, so I really have no care for her at all.

    The 2nd one, yeah, I think that is where LW failed here.  She should've given he heads up.  Really in my mind, Hannah should have, this sounds like LW's super regular routine that would be considered unusual, so probably should've been shared.  I wouldn't be super happy about getting out of the tub, but I would for someone to use the restroom.

    And guests behavior afterwards was still out of line, no matter how LW failed."

    And honestly, I think Hannah bears a lot of responsibility here. She was a host.  Part of her responsibility is keeping everyone informed.  This reminds me of the "door to nowhere" that my friends had.  It was a 2nd story door, that didn't have a deck built yet (renovating the house).  They pointed it out first thing.  I'm pretty sure Hannah knows the every day hour long bath at 6 p.m. is a rather unusual routine and she should've warned her guests.  
  • VarunaTT said:
    VarunaTT said:
    I'm a water baby.  I regularly take hour long baths as a way to destress and realign mentally, it's my "self-care" time.  Probably 2-3 times per week.  K and I have had to work out times/days I can do it.

    If I had a guest, I probably wouldn't do it in the first place, but if I needed to, I'd probably give a heads up to the guest.  And if bitches tried to come in or pound on the door after that, they'd probably have a wet, naked Varuna yelling at them at said door that they can go some damn place else or wait it out.

    Also, these guests were just mean AF about this.  They had every right to be disgruntled, but their reactions were rude and out of line too.  This was LW's space and whether LW mishandled it or not, the guests were out of line.






    but she didn’t give them a heads up. She didn’t respond to the first knock with “gonna be another 40 minutes.”  She didn’t do anything except say “bath time” and expect what exactly? That they’d just no longer need the bathroom? I think LW is missing completely how to interact with other people here. 
    I did also state:

    "First sister just wanted to get ready, so I really have no care for her at all.

    The 2nd one, yeah, I think that is where LW failed here.  She should've given he heads up.  Really in my mind, Hannah should have, this sounds like LW's super regular routine that would be considered unusual, so probably should've been shared.  I wouldn't be super happy about getting out of the tub, but I would for someone to use the restroom.

    And guests behavior afterwards was still out of line, no matter how LW failed."

    And honestly, I think Hannah bears a lot of responsibility here. She was a host.  Part of her responsibility is keeping everyone informed.  This reminds me of the "door to nowhere" that my friends had.  It was a 2nd story door, that didn't have a deck built yet (renovating the house).  They pointed it out first thing.  I'm pretty sure Hannah knows the every day hour long bath at 6 p.m. is a rather unusual routine and she should've warned her guests.  

    I had one of those temporarily!  It was funny.  Our bedroom is the last room in our house.  We took out the windows on the back wall and added a French door...which would lead to a back deck that (at the time) had not been built yet.

    My house is raised almost 3' off the ground, so that last step was a doozy, lol.  But the French doors are mainly glass, so it wasn't like someone would make that mistake.

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  • 4 more people in a shared house? Bleh. Parents and sisters should have got a hotel. Problem solved. 
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