I think you need to decide to adult.
Dear Prudence,
I’m a permanent college student. I have talked to a dozen school advisers, career center staff, a career coach, a life coach. No one gives me advice other than to follow my heart. At this point, I need better advice. I graduated college in 2011. I majored in communication, thinking I wanted to go into radio broadcasting or writing, but once I completed an internship I realized I disliked radio and decided not to pursue it. I have been a supermarket supervisor for a decade, which has barely supported me financially. My managers have been trying to get me to become a manager for years—they make great money, and I’m on the verge of just going for it, but I’m positive I would get burnt out after a few months. (These managers live at the store and deal with a lot of BS that I find to be unbearable.)
I have tried getting into an X-ray tech program (denied), gotten into a baking/culinary program (I accepted but couldn’t commit), tried being a travel agent (didn’t like sitting at a desk on the phone all day), worked in bakery production (too boring), finished three-quarters of a master’s-level teaching program (got bored and quit), and finished half of another program for secondary ed (couldn’t pass the state math exam). I just completed a one-year dental assisting program and got hired, but I hated it and quit after a week because they really misrepresented the job they hired me for. I just found a job at a specialty dental office and am going to give it a shot, but I am expecting the same outcome.
My biggest issues are: I like having control and supervising, I am not a huge people person (although I can fake it), and I get bored fast. I have a lot of student-loan and credit-card debt. My boyfriend and I want to get married and buy a house, but he doesn’t trust that I can keep a job. I can’t blame him. I have no problem getting hired because I interview well, but I end up disliking everything I try. My dream would be to have the means to travel and to have my own cafe serving vegan food. That makes me think I need to go to culinary school—but why commit myself to another project I may not stick with? What is my next move? I can’t keep doing this.
—Floundering
Re: I think you need to decide to adult.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE.
GET A GOD DAMNED JOB. AND KEEP IT.
But honestly, it sounds a little more than needing to adult. I'm torn between thinking this person indulges their feelings a little too much (you quit because you were bored?!) and maybe not being able to focus/commit to things, which maybe a therapist or medication could help with.
Speaking to a therapist is the first thing that came to mind for me. I don't think their problem is with the many fields they have chosen. The problem is they have a lot of trouble staying focused and grasping some of life's realities.
Let's review her "dream job". Traveling and opening up a vegan café. A café, ie a restaurant? Oh, LW. You thought the management at your grocery store was at work constantly? That will look p/t compared to being a mom and pop restaurant owner. So forget traveling also. For many years. You also say you aren't a "people person", but can fake it. What exactly do you think owning a restaurant will entail?!?! IT IS a customer service business, FFS!
Sorry, LW. I think you'd hate your "dream job" even more than the other careers you've tried.
But sure. I'd love to travel around the world. Maybe only working a week or two, here and there. How about we both just keep buying the occasional lottery ticket for that "job".
Ew LW is so annoying. I was kind of sympathetic during the first paragraph but lost patience. She doesn’t need a career counselor, she needs a hard reality check. Most of us (have to )work. Rarely does one job satisfy every last item of our checklist. I touch on college and then careers with my 9th graders, and I let them know that every last value (something you love, strong salary, great benefits, flexibility) most likely won’t all be satisfied.
From personal experience, I love real estate. I think its awesome and fascinating. It is one of my passions and I only wish I'd realized that sooner in life. I will one day only work for my own business.
But even my own business. In an industry I have a passion for. Is NOT always "puppies and rainbows", LMAO. There are aspects I loathe. I'd imagine that's true for most/all people who own their own companies. As well as people who work for others and, overall, love their jobs.
So much this. Very few people find that perfect job where everything is wonderful. I've always said that my "dream" jobs would be a blimp pilot, a Jimmy Buffett backup singer or a mattress tester. I'm sure that if I actually did do any of these, there would be something that's not perfect.
My H is an electrician and that is the job for him. He loves doing electrical work. He does not, however, love dealing with customers or amending blueprints or going to the supply house 4 times a day. Does it come with the job? Yeah, so he deals with it. Going to school for 17 different things and deciding he dislikes them before he actually gives them a real change just isn't an option.
Coincidentally I also majored in Coms and didn't go into it after graduation because internships let me figure out I didn't like journalism/reporting. I took a boring customer service job right out of college that paid the bills. Went into an MBA. Moved into a different boring job. Got promoted a couple times because each job became boring. Went into another, more specialized master's. Leveraged that into two jobs now that I actually really, really like. And I just turned 35.
Do something you don't hate to pay the bills, pursue hobbies you love. If this person wants to travel, she's going to have to stick with something that makes enough money to enjoy her hobbies. DH and I travel a lot, but that's a byproduct of me marrying someone who works for an airline, haha.
My point being, LW needs a slap and a reality check.
As Beyonce would say:
Today, she is 60+ years old, rents her home, has 0 retirement savings but a bucket of debt and is still trying to find herself. I love her, but am constantly disappointed by her choices. It's heartbreaking too, because she is crazy smart and could have been really successful at a variety of things.
I very much worry about her golden years, but I am not going to support her.
My dad was an electrician
Making broad, general statements. People in the trades are typically in those fields because they are tactile and like to work with their hands. But it's been my experience they often don't like the business end of what they do.
I don't monkey around with people. I have all the money needed for a job when I contract a tradesperson. And I will remit payment as soon as the work is done and they give me an invoice.
That's all they need to do when the job is over. Give me an invoice. My electrician usually takes at least one, if not two, months to send me his invoice. Including big jobs that were over a grand! Crazy.
My a/c guy? He will call me months later, "Hey, I really need to get paid for XYZ job at 123 address. You owe me $XXX." Me: "I'm sorry you haven't been paid, but you never sent me an invoice. I didn't even know what the final bill was until your call." I'll even tell him that if he writes the invoice out and e-mails it to me, I'll wait on the phone and then pay him with a 'cc.
Because, if I ever get audited, the IRS doesn't accept, "Oh well, you know, my a/c guy doesn't like to write out invoices. But I paid him $XXX." I suspect they would not find that amusing, lol.
Basically, LW needs to grow the hell up - adjust her expectations of a job and decide (in a practical, realistic manner) what she can live with and what she can't. I think she will need to see both a career counselor and a therapist to work through this. Frankly, her boyfriend is wise to delay the next step in their relationship, because clearly she cannot commit to anything right now.
I just can't imagine all the debt she must have and absolutely nothing to show for it. I would feel sorry for her if it wasn't her own making.
She is exactly what happens when you are allowed to quit everything you mildly don't like as a kid, instead of the "you made a commitment to the team/play/babysitting job for X amount of time, you need to honour that" parent's talk.
ETA: I honestly believe 60-75% of all office jobs are exactly the same. It is just the subject that changes. I work in international development, but a ton of my job is spreadsheets, project management, budget planning, one to ones with my reports, being stuck in meetings that should have been an email, talking about the new season of Queer Eye with Linda in finance at the coffee machine. Yes, the subject matter changes (ie: my budget/logistics planning is for a multi-year project for vaccinations in the DRC, but excel is excel and gant charts are gant charts- we all have key performance indicators, multilevel stakeholders, quarterly reports to senior management etc). There comes a point where you get so senior you stop doing and start managing the strategy and implementation.
I chose this job because I hated office work and I wanted a "non-traditional" job. Yet, here I am and I do enjoy it. Yes, I travel in the field, and that is a major benefit, but once you get to a more senior point I don't travel nearly as much as I used to.
"I submitted a question last week, “Floundering.” I really tried to take what you said seriously about ADHD and executive function disorder—no, I have never been diagnosed, and yes, I have mentioned my troubles to my doctor, who has never felt I had anything like this. But I feel your response was super off base. Getting bored or feeling a major or job is not the right one for me, even multiple times, doesn’t mean that I am unable to focus, manage time, or that I lose track of things quickly. I am really stunned researching executive function disorder. This is a hefty potential diagnosis for someone to ask another to look into who is not a psychiatrist! Thank you for your thoughts and for featuring my question, but I do not have this. I am actually extremely good about time management, focusing, getting things done on time, etc. I am just very confused about a career. I do not have ADHD or executive function disorder."
"Hi, I would like advice, but I am unwilling to accept it. Go."
"Prudie, tell me what to be when I grow up."
That said, plenty of people don't like their job. In the meantime, you keep it because it's a paycheck.
Or did she want Prudie to just say, "Just keep doing you, girlfriend. Keep racking that debt up and dicking around in every industry for ten minutes each. Who needs to retire? Amirite?"
In the meantime PLENTY of people go from job to job that isn't perfect but do you now what makes them happy? Not being in debt, getting their bills paid and their hobbies.
My BIL went to college for four years and graduated with his education degree to find out that he didn't want to be a teacher. So he floated from job to job until he took the LSATs and ultimately went to law school. He's been a practicing attorney for the last 10 years because he figure out what he wanted to do and in the meantime knew that rent wouldn't pay itself.