Things matter.

Re: Things matter.

• missJeanLouise member

  

  July 2018

  knottie6b26f5f455efe856 said:

  I've gotten a lot of advice over the years to the tune of "Do what you want, nothing else matters" but I find that this is simply not true. If your values matter, if the input from your family and friends matters, then those things simply have weight that cannot be ignored. I come from a background where family and religion are both extremely important, and I remember friends asking "Why don't you just do whatever you want?"
  
  There is no such thing as ignoring everyone else or my values to do only what is best for me. I am doing what I want, and what I want to do is respect my family/my beliefs. Sure, it's often a tougher road with more obstacles and formalities, but it's worth it. 
  
  What do you guys think? 

  I am not really sure what you are asking. If your family’s input is important and you value traditions, and you are doing those exact things then you are following the advice of “do what you want, nothing else matters”. You want to follow tradition so you are. It is no different than those who don’t want to so don’t.
  
   I don’t necessarily agree with the advice because people can be self centered and careless with other people’s feelings but that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with traditions. That is why etiquette exists, to make sure people are hosted properly and treated correctly.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2018

  missJeanLouise said:

  knottie6b26f5f455efe856 said:

  I've gotten a lot of advice over the years to the tune of "Do what you want, nothing else matters" but I find that this is simply not true. If your values matter, if the input from your family and friends matters, then those things simply have weight that cannot be ignored. I come from a background where family and religion are both extremely important, and I remember friends asking "Why don't you just do whatever you want?"
  
  There is no such thing as ignoring everyone else or my values to do only what is best for me. I am doing what I want, and what I want to do is respect my family/my beliefs. Sure, it's often a tougher road with more obstacles and formalities, but it's worth it. 
  
  What do you guys think? 

  I am not really sure what you are asking. If your family’s input is important and you value traditions, and you are doing those exact things then you are following the advice of “do what you want, nothing else matters”. You want to follow tradition so you are. It is no different than those who don’t want to so don’t.
  
   I don’t necessarily agree with the advice because people can be self centered and careless with other people’s feelings but that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with traditions. That is why etiquette exists, to make sure people are hosted properly and treated correctly.

  I agree somewhat.
  
  But if, say, you and your family have different religious opinions, and your family and your religious beliefs are both important to you, do you compromise your own religious beliefs to make your family happy, or do you alienate your family in order to uphold your religious beliefs? Or, you and your FI come from cultural backgrounds with completely different practices (for example, in yours you don't open gifts at a wedding reception and you use RSVPs, while your FI's expects you to open all your gifts at the reception and never uses RSVPs?)
  
  Sometimes you are faced with situations where multiple things are important to you, but you have to choose among them. In order to make others happy, you may have to totally forgo whatever might make you happy and vice versa.
   

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  July 2018

  It depends on what you're talking about. I generally find "do what you want and forget everyone else" to be selfish people trying to get other people to be selfish to make themselves feel better. But sometimes you do have to stand up to your family or friends if they are pressuring you to do something you don't want, especially when it isn't effecting anyone else. It really just depends on the situation.
  
  Want to get married on a mountain top that requires a hike? Yeah, that's selfish if you're expecting people to come. Your parents are pressuring you to get married in a church that neither of you belong to? Do what you want and ignore them. 

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  July 2018

  Does it affect other people, or does it not affect other people? That's basically your line when it comes to doing what you want versus following input from others. 
  As this is a wedding board- your dress doesn't affect others. Your choice of officiant and nature of ceremony doesn't affect others. Your theme doesn't, so long as you don't request guests to dress in a manner that goes with the theme. Skimping on food does, choosing a reception venue does, etc etc. 

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