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Wedding Reception Forum
People keep telling me it will be boring.
My invitations went out and I'm excited about the fun time we have planned, but I keep being asked questions like what are we doing since we aren't having a DJ, do we have anything planned. And it's confusing because we are having a super casual wedding ceremony, and it will be very quick because I know long ceremonies can be quite boring. But it is in a house, so I figure we could hang out in the yard after the ceremony, people would like to go swimming (we added swimming to our invitation so people know that they need to bring a bathing suit and a towel), we have changing station setup. And it's all so confusing because these are adults, so shouldn't they be able to entertain themselves and talk? I am also being told that everybody is going to leave early since we're having an afternoon ceremony, and I'm afraid that we are having dinner too late and people aren't going to stick around. After the ceremony ends, we're going to have fruit salads and some cheese platters out until dinner begins.
I wanted to know if I'm just being paranoid and letting people get in my head, or if these are legitimate concerns? I appreciate that all these people will want to come to my wedding, but if they truly have a problem with the day that we've planned, they really could just stay home. I'm just happy the people closest to me will be there. It's just that the people who are closest to me are the ones who are complaining the most, people I work with are telling me it should be fine and not to listen to those negative people. I don't really think we need to spend a lot of money to have a really good wedding, I'm not throwing this wedding for anybody else but myself and my fiance.
my fiance likes games, so we're probably going to set up some game stations around the yard with some card games that are popular with adults. My sister mentioned lawn games, but my fiance isn't really into that so I don't really know how to tell her it's not his thing.
basically, has anybody had a wedding without music, but people still had a good time? I don't see why I have to spend thousands of dollars for other people when we are having the wedding that makes us happy. and also, yard parties are really a lot of fun. If anybody wants to sleep over, we could put up some tents in the yard and make it a real Outdoor Adventure. My sister thinks that's not a good idea, but she likes weddings that are those cookie-cutter weddings and I don't want that.
I wanted to know if I'm just being paranoid and letting people get in my head, or if these are legitimate concerns? I appreciate that all these people will want to come to my wedding, but if they truly have a problem with the day that we've planned, they really could just stay home. I'm just happy the people closest to me will be there. It's just that the people who are closest to me are the ones who are complaining the most, people I work with are telling me it should be fine and not to listen to those negative people. I don't really think we need to spend a lot of money to have a really good wedding, I'm not throwing this wedding for anybody else but myself and my fiance.
my fiance likes games, so we're probably going to set up some game stations around the yard with some card games that are popular with adults. My sister mentioned lawn games, but my fiance isn't really into that so I don't really know how to tell her it's not his thing.
basically, has anybody had a wedding without music, but people still had a good time? I don't see why I have to spend thousands of dollars for other people when we are having the wedding that makes us happy. and also, yard parties are really a lot of fun. If anybody wants to sleep over, we could put up some tents in the yard and make it a real Outdoor Adventure. My sister thinks that's not a good idea, but she likes weddings that are those cookie-cutter weddings and I don't want that.
Re: People keep telling me it will be boring.
For dinner, as long as you're serving pretty reasonably soon, people won't leave. Don't delay the meal for more than an hour after the ceremony, as people won't sit around for 2+ hours waiting for food. They will get hungry and leave, and will think that the cheese and fruit are all you're serving.
As long as you have plenty of seating, sufficient facilities (bathroom, rain plans), and appropriate food and drink, most people will socialize and entertain themselves. There's no reason to have formal entertainment or some sort of games. But if you are going to offer games, offer games that the majority of your guests will enjoy like lawn games. Even if that's not your FI's thing, a lot of people will enjoy them and they do encourage socializing. Cards and video games are a bad idea because they encourage small groups of people to wall themselves off from the rest of the party.
The bolded is a horrible attitude. If you aren't throwing it for anyone but you and your FI, you shouldn't invite anyone else. Once you decide to invite other people, you have to consider them as well.
I agree with your last paragraph especially, that stood out to me a lot. And then not even considering lawn games because the fiancé doesn't enjoy them. Other people might, lawn games can be easy and simple to both set up and play and will keep people entertained. I am sure OP didn't mean it this way but the whole post comes off as really negative and selfish. You can throw a great casual wedding and *also* keep your guests entertained and happy. But specifically dismissing any idea that isn't *your* perfect party means people probably *will* get bored and leave early. Card games are fun but a lot of people get bored with them quickly or won't even want to take the time to learn the rules if they're unfamiliar.
Also stop telling everyone your plans, everyone has an opinion and you're just begging them to share them when you go a little against the grain. Just tell friends and family "we'll have a lot of fun, got some good things planned. Make sure to bring your swim suit if you want to swim!" and leave it at that. Don't give specifics it's unnecessary. And consider at least having a radio or Spotify playlist set up as background noise, even if you don't have a DJ doesn't mean you can't have music and maybe get people dancing.
I agree with you that adults (if they know each other/if there’s enough alcohol) should be able to just talk and hang out. I also agree with PP advice that a) iTunes or Spotify wouldn’t hurt and b) you don’t have to share every last detail. You say it’s the people closest to you complaining...I’d call out one of my sisters on a bad idea, I wouldn’t necessarily call out a coworker, or someone I’m not close with.
As soon as you and your FI decide to invite guests (as opposed to a private wedding) it’s about what appeals to the highest number of people, not about you and FI’s exact preferences.
Your plan as is (laid back, no music, swimming) sounds more like a backyard hangout. Which if that’s your vision go for it. But I’d definitely have the dinner served within one hour of start time. In your OP you mention being nervous about having dinner too late bc people won’t stay. That’s a good inkling. Lots of good food will extend guests’ stay, even without activities/dancing.
There's nothing wrong with a casual swimming/games party, with some music in the background, after a wedding, but you need to lose the attitude that the post-wedding party is for anyone other than you and your fiance. It is not. The ceremony is for you and your fiance, but the reception is for your guests. Any beliefs otherwise come off as extremely selfish. No matter what you do or don't do, everyone is going to judge you anyway, so do it right. Your guests' needs have to take priority over your personal wants and preferences.
As far as whether people will enjoy your wedding reception, you can't control that. If people are giving you unpleasant responses to your plans, then all you can do is stop sharing them prior to the wedding itself.
If you want a pool party, you are going to have to change the tone. Have the food ready to go no more than an hour after the ceremony. Think casual pool party food (BBQ buffet etc) rather than a sit down meal of chicken cordon bleu. Have the bar open, and snacks (crisps, dips, general party food) out after the ceremony with plenty of places to sit. People will stay for the cocktail hour, eat food, maybe have some cake- some will swim and some will leave. But they will have had a nice time. I would also get some of those silly pool floats like swans and flamingos.
You sound very defensive. I am just noticing that a lot of your phrasing is about judging/ criticising and acting very hostile towards your guests. Do you really want guests or are you doing this to please others?
Please remember there is a reason you invited these people. Stop treating them with such hostility and genuinely think of them as what they are: your GUESTS!
Just dont assume that everyone will want to swim, therefore it’s ok to wait 2+ hours for food. They won’t.
You seemed annoyed at even having guests there, so my question is this - why are you inviting anyone?
You don't need to do assigned tables if you're going for a casual, backyard BBQ vibe, but just make sure you have more than enough seats and tables for everyone. Put on some background music. Serve food right after the ceremony.
And honestly, I'd probably be confused about your wedding too. Do I wear a dress? Or do I wear a bathing suit with a coverup? It feels odd to wear pool/lounge wear to a wedding ceremony, regardless of how casual the event is.
Just plan the day you want, and enjoy it. Be a good host.
All we are saying is move dinner up so there isn’t a 2+hour gap.
What they want is for you to spend your money wisely - on the sort of things that will make a party fun after everyone has gotten dressed up (at least a little) for a wedding. You will get a few swimmers, but I would be among those who don't want the hassle of changing/drying/changing back.
So that means food, sooner. It means games that people can participate in while still dressed up, and during which it's easy to converse. (So as people suggested, buy cheap lawn games - even if your then-H will choose the pool instead - rather than cheap pool floats.) It means having a rain backup plan. It means having enough seats for people.
No matter how much they love you and want to celebrate with you, if the party is awkwardly planned, people will leave. That has nothing to do with expecting a more formal or expensive type of wedding. Just be smart about it.
Just remember you keep on saying "it's not his thing". Have it out as an option for people who DO like it, but no one's forcing him to play them. The reception is for your guests.
-Multiple people can play one game at a time vs. one person who must be changed into a swim suit for a pool float.
-People will be eating regardless of when you have food served. Just make it good. Good doesn't mean expensive. It just means satisfying, at least moderately healthy for the body and certainly something that's safe (think summer salads in heat issues).
-You don't need a DJ but music helps.
Weddings are about the couple until you invite others. Once you invite guests, their comfort needs to be taken into consideration. I mentioned on another post I haven't eaten meat in years, but we had a carving station in addition to veggie options. My H has been sober over a decade, but we served beer & wine along with soda & water. Did I love every song our guests requested from the DJ? Nope, but I was happy they were all enjoying themselves and it was a small concession to make.
I would *highly* suggest spending the money for some outdoor games. You could probably even get some secondhand, or borrow from friends or family who have them. Maybe rent or borrow a speaker and play some music on your phone or iPod for some background ambiance. I agree with PPs that I'd be unlikely to swim at a wedding, but it's a nice thing to mention for guests who may be interested. I'd also suggest a map or "program" of sorts explaining to your guests what's available. With the wedding we went to, it would have been nice to know there was one game set up or a photo booth before we left.
You don't need to spend a ton of money to properly host your guests at all, like flantastic & banana said, it's about HOW you spend your money. Focus your funds on things that will impact the guest experience, and go from there. A casual wedding can be a great time, but consider your guests' experiences.
again, we don't need it to be super exciting because we aren't into clubbing and partying really hard, but I'm sure it will be fun. I just think that they are so used to going to weddings that are full of alcohol they might not really know how to just relax in a laid-back way, and it'll be so different from anything that we've ever scene at a wedding so that should be special by itself
Think of the timings for any other wedding or pool party. Would you invite people over to hang out in the pool and not have a meal for them for four hours? Would you see that at a wedding? Think of it also as this: Your wedding starts at noon so people are going to be showing up traveling to get to the ceremony location arriving at what is basically peak lunch time. They'll watch you get married and then they will want to eat a meal right away. If you don't have enough food out that equals a meal soon, people are probably not going to wait until 4 PM and you'll start to lose guests. A better timeline is probably:
Ceremony Noon
Cocktail hour starts when ceremony ends with finger foods
Lunch reception starts by 1:30
Rest of activities throughout afternoon - cake cutting probably by 3 at the latest
Reception ends at 6; push for after party with younger crowd if you want.
You can't be pool side and not fed. It's not fun but it's also not really healthy in the sun. Also if you're having older guests or just anyone who is pale like me, please consider shaded places for seating in case those don't exist already.
Also, have a rain plan in place knowing that summer weather in a lot of locations can also equal rain or thunderstorms often.
I think a lot of people aren't into clubbing. DH and I never were club people. We had a great wedding because we took care of our guests.
I get that you want something different and special, but you can't force your guests into enjoying something they might not. Not everyone wants to put on a bathing suit in front of strangers, and then go swimming.
This doesn't have to be so stressful. Just plan the day you want, and be a good host. I've said this before. Have enough chairs. Serve food and drinks. Put on some background music.
also, you need to move up "dinner" time. That's too late.
Edit: Not only that, but I imagine you and your groom and wedding party will be starving, since you'll be getting ready and probably taking pictures before the ceremony.
And this additional food at 8...is that just leftovers from the food at 4? If so - how are you storing it all?
Seriously, move the food up and then move on with your life and try not to let others' opinions get to you. People get these ideas of what a wedding "should" be but if they're not footing the bill, their opinion is moot. As long as you're hosting properly with enough seats, food, drinks and not asking anyone to pay for or bring anything, you're fine.
FWIW, my wedding was a quick ceremony in a restaurant, then a 2-3 hour "cocktail style" (we had a TON of food though) style reception. That was it. No dancing, just the restaurant's background music, no entrance, etc. We had a great time and I have reason to believe our 30 guests did as well.
WHO, exactly, is going to be grilling food for 150 people? Have you ever done that? That is a TON of food and a TON of time! And you plan to start this four hours after your ceremony? Who is going to prepare salads for 150 people and how? How will all of this food be stored safely?
I have two refrigerators and can barely host a BBQ for 30 in regards to fridge space. And my H spends at least an hour or two on the grill. And that's 1/5 of the people you're planning for.
I urge you to look into places like your local grocery stores, costco, local delis or restaurants, etc. Not only will this be easier, but very well could be cheaper. I love to cook but I seriously often find that buying a tub of potato salad or whatever is significantly cheaper than buying all of the ingredients.
I'm not trying to be harsh but please reconsider your food if you're planning to self-cater. This could be a disaster.
ETA - Not to mention, who will serve all of this food? Who will be putting it out, putting it away, making sure trays are full, making sure refrigerated items are kept at a safe temp, etc.? That's a full time job it itself! Plus the cleanup. Who is going to clear away plates, empty garbage cans, clean up spills, etc?
This kind of thing can work for a very small (like, 30 or less) but any more than that, you need to hire some people.
Where are they all going to park?
I know you want a laid-back, casual pool party, but I've never attended one with 150 people. That's a large crowd! How big is your aunt's pool?