we invited about 150 people. And yes, whatever food is left over from 4 pm, We would just put inside and people can help themselves throughout the rest of the afternoon. we plan to BBQ hotdogs and hamburgers all day, and then have some veggie salads for people who don't eat meat. Trying to stay inexpensive.
Also I'm guessing your aunt's house has just a few bathrooms, yes? How are 150 people going to use just one or two bathrooms? Where are they all going to park?
I know you want a laid-back, casual pool party, but I've never attended one with 150 people. That's a large crowd! How big is your aunt's pool?
STUCK -
Yes! This too!! The legion hall in my town rents for a couple hundred bucks. This is significantly cheaper than what my friend spent on portable bathrooms alone at her backyard wedding. Something to think about!
we invited about 150 people. And yes, whatever food is left over from 4 pm, We would just put inside and people can help themselves throughout the rest of the afternoon. we plan to BBQ hotdogs and hamburgers all day, and then have some veggie salads for people who don't eat meat. Trying to stay inexpensive.
Aw, man. You're not going to like this at all.
WHO, exactly, is going to be grilling food for 150 people? Have you ever done that? That is a TON of food and a TON of time! And you plan to start this four hours after your ceremony? Who is going to prepare salads for 150 people and how? How will all of this food be stored safely?
I have two refrigerators and can barely host a BBQ for 30 in regards to fridge space. And my H spends at least an hour or two on the grill. And that's 1/5 of the people you're planning for.
I urge you to look into places like your local grocery stores, costco, local delis or restaurants, etc. Not only will this be easier, but very well could be cheaper. I love to cook but I seriously often find that buying a tub of potato salad or whatever is significantly cheaper than buying all of the ingredients.
I'm not trying to be harsh but please reconsider your food if you're planning to self-cater. This could be a disaster.
ETA - Not to mention, who will serve all of this food? Who will be putting it out, putting it away, making sure trays are full, making sure refrigerated items are kept at a safe temp, etc.? That's a full time job it itself! Plus the cleanup. Who is going to clear away plates, empty garbage cans, clean up spills, etc?
This kind of thing can work for a very small (like, 30 or less) but any more than that, you need to hire some people.
Not only self-catering 150 people, but doing it so that there are "plenty of leftovers."
we invited about 150 people. And yes, whatever food is left over from 4 pm, We would just put inside and people can help themselves throughout the rest of the afternoon. we plan to BBQ hotdogs and hamburgers all day, and then have some veggie salads for people who don't eat meat. Trying to stay inexpensive.
You are inviting 150 people to this.
-Who is grilling? Will they rent industrial grills? Are you hiring a caterer to do this or someone to be at the grill for this?
-150 people means 150 MINIMUM pieces of meat. If you're using a regular grill and not an industrial one, let's be conservative and say you can hold about a dozen burgers at a time. -Let's say you have half burgers and half dogs: -At roughly 7 minutes minimum to cook a burger that's a MINIMUM of 49 minutes to cook 75 burgers. -Same grill for hot dogs? You can probably get a good 20 dogs on the grill at a time. That's an ADDITIONAL 28 minutes to cook hot dogs. Total Grill Time = 103 minutes. That's over an hour and a half if you use one standard sized grill. That means that your food simply cannot be ready at the same time for all guests.
If you have vegetarians you may need a second grill. Their food shouldn't come in contact with the same grates as what you are using to grill meat.
If you're using an industrial grill that's fantastic. Who will grill? That's HOT. The time for each patty or dog will still remain the same but it will go faster. Who mans this? That's a gross and dirty job. My dad still talks about how he HATED being stuck at the grill for my brother's cub scout picnic 30 years ago. It was hot and he was miserable.
The plan you have isn't terrible but it needs to be thought out better. Find a catering company that will handle that for you.
You can't serve food at 4 PM. Guests will not last in the sun without a meal. I guarantee you that many will leave before 4 if a meal isn't out shortly after the ceremony.
Also, please have a way of ensuring that any food brought inside stays at the appropriate temperature. Summer salads and picnics have a way of bringing in food borne illness because food is not stored correctly.
Oh my. Self-catering for 150 and then re-serving leftovers 4 hours later? I think you need to re-think your food plan as well. I have pretty loose food rules for MYSELF (and also an iron stomach), but I would never imagine serving food that had been left out for that length of time. I would also not try to make food for 150 people. We had about 130ish at our wedding, and the amount of food the caters brought was ridiculous. I couldn't even imagine trying to make all of that in my home kitchen without it being a huge disaster.
Also, what kind of setup does your aunt have at her home? Fitting 150 people in & around one house will be bananas. What will you do for bathrooms? What if it rains? Where will they park? How will everyone fit in the pool, if that's going to be your primary entertainment? Where will everyone sit?
Home weddings work great when it's a very small group; think immediate family, maybe a couple close friends. Weddings in general also work better when the B & G aren't literally working.
this is exactly what's happening with my sister and everyone. They keep telling me that they're all these details that are being taken care of already, but it's not up to their standards I guess. And it's making this not as laid-back as I wanted it to be. We hired a company to come in and cook the food, so I'm assuming they're going to be bringing their own grillz because that's part of the package. We also have plenty of bathrooms in the house, three bathrooms, and there's plenty of street parking. so having to keep reassuring them that this is all taken care of, it's stressing me out.
this is exactly what's happening with my sister and everyone. They keep telling me that they're all these details that are being taken care of already, but it's not up to their standards I guess. And it's making this not as laid-back as I wanted it to be. We hired a company to come in and cook the food, so I'm assuming they're going to be bringing their own grillz because that's part of the package. We also have plenty of bathrooms in the house, three bathrooms, and there's plenty of street parking. so having to keep reassuring them that this is all taken care of, it's stressing me out.
Did you make sure the catering company is bringing the grills? This is something that should stress you out until it's finalized. ASK someone. If you don't believe your family when they tell you that everything is taken care of, ASK the catering company yourself. Also ask them how they plan to maintain the proper temperature of the food between dinner & leftovers-serving time.
Also, three bathrooms is not really enough for 150 people. Are they all on the same level? Who will keep them clean, re-stock the TP, etc? If the guests have to wait for the bathroom, will the line interfere with the flow of the space?
And does your aunt have a large enough property or live on an empty enough street that 150 people can park there and not cause a problem? I can only imagine a few situations where this would apply.
this is exactly what's happening with my sister and everyone. They keep telling me that they're all these details that are being taken care of already, but it's not up to their standards I guess. And it's making this not as laid-back as I wanted it to be. We hired a company to come in and cook the food, so I'm assuming they're going to be bringing their own grillz because that's part of the package. We also have plenty of bathrooms in the house, three bathrooms, and there's plenty of street parking. so having to keep reassuring them that this is all taken care of, it's stressing me out.
If you wanted laid-back in terms of planning, you should have gone with an all-inclusive venue. I can't imagine there is anything laid back about planning a pool party wedding cook-out for 150 people.
this is exactly what's happening with my sister and everyone. They keep telling me that they're all these details that are being taken care of already, but it's not up to their standards I guess. And it's making this not as laid-back as I wanted it to be. We hired a company to come in and cook the food, so I'm assuming they're going to be bringing their own grillz because that's part of the package. We also have plenty of bathrooms in the house, three bathrooms, and there's plenty of street parking. so having to keep reassuring them that this is all taken care of, it's stressing me out.
3 bathrooms for 150 people is not enough. You will have lines of people waiting to pee. It's not like each bathroom has multiple toilets!
You may have plenty of street parking, but you're talking about what could be 50 cars (and that's a low estimate). Think of 50 cars parked on the street in your aunt's neighborhood.
It sounds like your sister and everyone else are right to be concerned. You should consider cutting way back on your guest list.
Yes, the catering company brings all the equipment to cook the food. our parents are taking care of all of that so I will bring it up to make sure it's handled. Like I said, we have our parents paying for this so I don't want to step on any toes. I think they also have a waiter coming in to help keep things flowing. They have parties at the house all the time so I'm sure they are familiar with the parking situation. And we invited 150 people, but not all of the people are coming. We even have a few that told me they can't make it already. So I'm assuming that there are going to be some people declining. my sister just thinks that this should be a lot fancier than we want it to be, and that's the part that doesn't need to be necessary. Like organized games, place settings on these fancy tables, things like that. We just want people to be able to grab food, hang out, and go swimming.
OK. The good thing is that you have a caterer. That is GOOD.
1) Caterer needs to be there and with appetizers that start at the end of your ceremony. Full stop.
2) Lunch needs to be before 4. Get them to agree to food starting at 12:30 or end of ceremony and a meal that begins by 1:30 / 2:00. It needs to be ready for everyone.
3) The post-meal leftovers need to be kept somewhere. Even if you keep them in regulated coolers that can be accessed by casual guests, they can't be kept out at temp for hours. That's just a food borne issue.
I get that you want casual but think of all the picnics you've attended. Did the people that showed up just graze or when food was ready did lines form at buffets for people to eat? Sure, maybe not EVERYONE ate at the same time but any casual event I've attended had the food out with the majority eating a meal when the meal was presented.
Finally, I think you need to rent port a potties. 3 bathrooms isn't sufficient. Is your aunt on sewer or septic? That amount of people using one bathroom could really do a # (2) on the system.
Depending on how casual you want to make this, I've attended events in DH's family that are big. The plan is often: -Women and children get the bathrooms inside. -An outdoor urinal area is created for the men. Men do not use the bathroom inside unless there's a need to sit. This works in DH's family. That may not work for yours. Still, even with the set up I've waited for a few minutes for a toilet. I don't mind at casual events and we go with the flow (pun intended) but I do think a port a potty or some kind of exterior bathroom need to be brought into the plan regardless but ESPECIALLY if your aunt has a septic tank.
Also, think of the ages of your guests. When I've attended weddings or other events like this they work but: -The first guests to leave are the grandparents and their generation. You need to make sure that they're comfortable and fed. -The next to leave are the parents' generation and the people with young children. -Last to go are those who are your age who have no kids.
Most likely you're going to see a large majority of people out by 6. Maybe your group is different from mine but that's 6 hours which is pretty long to party.
The younger generation will keep going because they don't have anywhere to be and are often just easier at that age. So the relaxed vibe is still really possible but most likely I think you're going to be left with a much smaller crowd by the time you hit 6 or 7.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
I can care about someone a great deal and still not want to wait in a line for a bathroom 10 deep or sit (or maybe stand? IDK the chair sitch) for four hours waiting for a hot dog in the heat. Not a great barometer for how much people care for you.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
I could make the argument that if you cared about your guests they won't wait 4 hours for a hot dog.
This is HORRIBLE logic. You've hit the defensive wall and now refuse to find the logic trees.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
No matter if you decide to be receptive to our comments and helpful criticism or not, I think the one thing you should try and consider is that this just isn't true. Thinking that leaving/not attending = not caring Because it doesn't, especially when your plan is going to not be considerate of your guests and their needs (like food and parking and multiple toilets, simple stuff). Also sometimes people just can't come/need to leave early, irrespective of your plans and event.
Really, please, everyone here wants to help and they're trying to explain why your plan isn't going to work the way you want it to. It'll be a wedding no one will forget but not in a good way if you don't think about your guests and their comfort and wants along with your own. When you choose a certain path you close other doors and need to make compromises in other ways. And wanting a casual backyard pool party wedding means cutting down the guests list to a manageable number or compromising and getting portable toilets and starting dinner earlier than you might have wanted.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
No matter if you decide to be receptive to our comments and helpful criticism or not, I think the one thing you should try and consider is that this just isn't true. Thinking that leaving/not attending = not caring Because it doesn't, especially when your plan is going to not be considerate of your guests and their needs (like food and parking and multiple toilets, simple stuff). Also sometimes people just can't come/need to leave early, irrespective of your plans and event.
Really, please, everyone here wants to help and they're trying to explain why your plan isn't going to work the way you want it to. It'll be a wedding no one will forget but not in a good way if you don't think about your guests and their comfort and wants along with your own. When you choose a certain path you close other doors and need to make compromises in other ways. And wanting a casual backyard pool party wedding means cutting down the guests list to a manageable number or compromising and getting portable toilets and starting dinner earlier than you might have wanted.
Exactly. If i'm at your wedding with my kids and we are going on HOURS with no food I'm leaving because no food = hangry. And I'll just be bitchy but my kids will be LOUD and bitchy. My dad the type II diabetic will need something for his blood sugar and people like DH's grandmother will be out early simply because of her energy level.
Also, pool parties are fun but being outside in the sun for MANY = early bedtime. The sun zaps your energy. You get dehydrated and tired often earlier when you're out in the sun and heat. Add no food for hours and again, it's a logistical problem.
I think your wedding can be great if you move up the food serving and make sure you have extra toilets. Why you're not open to that is kind of baffling to me.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
Will every last detail be on your invitation? I’ve attended some baby showers and weddings on my H’s side of the family that were doozies- hours passing before food was served, not enough food, not enough seating, one bathroom for dozens of guests, etc. None of that was advertised. Even if it had been, family politics dictates we kind of had to go...and I just have a sour taste in my mouth years later.
I never said that I was not open to the suggestions, but the invitations have already gone out and the caterer is already reserved. And also, my fiance has a certain vision as well, and I could run these things by him to see what he thinks. So far people have said that a laid-back pool party sounds really good, I have to see what he says about anything else. They have a lot of parties at this house so they're used to having big crowds, it's just overwhelming.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
Okay, this is a TERRIBLE attitude to have about your guests. How long someone stays at your wedding is not indicative of how much they care about you. There can be many reasons why someone would not stay at a wedding until the very end - a long ride home, obligations early the next day, feeling tired or unwell in hot weather, and so forth. I haven't been to a ton of weddings, but I can say there wasn't a single one I've attended where every single guest has stayed until the event was completely over, and I'm sure those who left early all had reasons that had nothing to do with their feelings about the couple. You can't take it so personally.
I suppose the people who care about us most will stay. It's fine, this is what we want and like I said, if someone has a problem with the way we get married they can decline.
I can care about someone a great deal and still not want to wait in a line for a bathroom 10 deep or sit (or maybe stand? IDK the chair sitch) for four hours waiting for a hot dog in the heat. Not a great barometer for how much people care for you.
Why should they? You clearly don’t care about them. You don’t care about their comfort enough to provide basic necessities like chairs, food at a reasonable hour and loos.
After dressing up, clearing a Saturday, and buying a gift, you want people to stand outside for 4 hours with just fruit and have massive queues for the loos. Would you honestly stay?
why are you digging in and refusing to move the food up? If you’re wedding isn’t at 12 it should be at 1:30 at the latest. It isn’t like this will cost you more money. Then spend money on chairs to make sure you have a chair for every bum. Then spend it on portaloos. 150 people for 3 bathrooms isn’t going to make them foul!
Vision over guests comfort is a complete arsehole attitude. And also reevaluate it- because right now your vision is not including the 150 hot, tired, hangry ppl who have to pee bolting for the door at your utter rudeness.
I’m all for an inexpensive backyard wedding, but I’m starting to think you should start listening to your sister. That, or just elope because you clearly don’t like your guests at all.
I never said that I was not open to the suggestions, but the invitations have already gone out and the caterer is already reserved. And also, my fiance has a certain vision as well, and I could run these things by him to see what he thinks. So far people have said that a laid-back pool party sounds really good, I have to see what he says about anything else. They have a lot of parties at this house so they're used to having big crowds, it's just overwhelming.
You don't need to say it. You've shown it through every post here.
People have given you some really helpful information. You just respond with increasing defensiveness, saying people will deal with it if they really care about you.
You are trying to force your bad ideas, and when real problems are pointed out you just blame it on people wanting to club, which makes absolutely no sense. It seems that this wedding is less about wanting to celebrate with friends and family and more about making people put up with being as uncomfortable as possible.
Want this to work? Do these: -Serve lunch by 2 -Get a damned ipod -Get chairs and a rain plan -Rent bathrooms
Don't care if this works or not? Continue being stubborn and defensive. Be prepared for your sister to say "I told you so" for the rest of your life.
I just saw the part about thinking changing these things will make it a nightclub.
I don’t know what kind of nightclubs you go to, but chairs, loos, and food rarely come into play. If they did, I would gladly pay all of her majesty’s pounds sterling for a cover to go to a nightclub with seats, food, light background music, and zero queues for the loo when I’m dragged out for girls night. That sounds delightful. #toooldforthisshit
Every post you’ve ever written (in this thread and others) has shown that you give zero fucks about your friend’s and family’s comfort (or their time). Nothing they do is good enough for you. You know, have at this clusterfuck where you make people wait 4 hours for food, throw temper tantrums about bridal shower invites and bridesmaid dresses, where buying a single pretty pool float trumps purchasing lawn games everyone can enjoy. Go ahead and place your vision first. Go ahead and tell people if they don’t love being treated like crap then they must not love you. The view up top is going to get really lonely when people remember how you placed your wants ahead of basic needs and then distance themselves accordingly.
Oh, and I've been to events like the one you *think* you're having. The difference? There was just as many people, but there were a minimum of 5-7 bathrooms, including an outdoor one for the pool users, if there wasn't, they rented more. The food was fully catered and available almost right away, including heavy hor d'oeuvres. The only people who really used the pool were kids (who could have seen that coming?). The events still didn't last more than a few hours because most people do not have the stamina to last that long outside (or at a pool party in general). And these houses were big enough for everyone to mingle inside in case it was too hot (really our only inclement weather situation). There was plenty of seating (including catered set up seating and tables) inside and outside. There was shade, misters and fans hooked up and running. THAT is what good hosting looks like. Don't place your vision ahead of people's comfort and then get upset when they leave early. And in case you couldn't tell, the houses I'm describing were much much bigger than your aunts. They had to be to host like that. You have to scale back your guest list.
And seriously, how many weddings have you been to? Because I have NEVER been to one that is in any way, shape, or form, reminiscent of a club. DJ/band =/= "clubbing" atmosphere. And I say that as someone who liked to go clubbing a lot in my younger years.
I never said that I was not open to the suggestions, but the invitations have already gone out and the caterer is already reserved. And also, my fiance has a certain vision as well, and I could run these things by him to see what he thinks. So far people have said that a laid-back pool party sounds really good, I have to see what he says about anything else. They have a lot of parties at this house so they're used to having big crowds, it's just overwhelming.
If he isn't open to changing to meet the needs of the people he asked to attend I'd be concerned. You want guests to survive on fruit and cheese for four hours. That's simply not enough.
No one thinks your event needs to be cookie cutter but please don't call weddings club events. I don't go to clubs and didn't before I got married.
I think you are onto something that can be SO GOOD but the reason people are now telling you after they received the invitation that they're concerned is that they are concerned about your plans.
Finally I said it before but I'll say it again - please do not ever equate thinking that those who care about you will have a good time. That's really really really poor logic.
Look, I served hot dogs and burgers at my wedding and invited 300 people. But my wedding was indoors because it was fricking hot outside, there were enough chairs and tables for everyone to sit at the same time, and the ceremony was at 11am with lunch immediately following. We were also in a church hall with sufficient bathroom facilities for the crowd. I got married 7 years ago and we still have people telling us how great our reception was. With what you're planning, people will remember it too... but they'll remember they were hot and starving and had nowhere to sit and had to wait behind 50 people for a bathroom. It is possible to have a fun, casual reception, but you have to take your guests' comfort into account!
If you can't move food earlier than 4, why does your ceremony have to be at noon? It's your aunt's house. Have the ceremony at 2:30.
PPs have covered the ridiculous logic, but here's this analogy:
Say one of your friends likes (actual) clubbing so much that she decides to have her wedding in a club, and then anyone who wants to have fun can change at the club into a minidress and wait four hours for food. You say, "But not everyone enjoys clubbing as much as you do, and four hours seems like a while to wait for food at dinnertime. Also I wouldn't feel comfortable in a minidress in front of a whole bunch of strangers." Her response is, "If you love me, you'll be there the whole time and love it!"
See how that sounds? It sounds selfish, inflexible, and silly. Not everyone wants to hang by/in your pool and not eat, and that has zero to do with how much they care about you.
OP, if you're still lurking, I just wanted to add something. I went to a backyard BBQ on Saturday (with a pool). There were about 40 people in attendance. This is a very suburban area. By the time we got there, we had to park FAR down the street. They had 2 bathrooms to use in the house. Both had long lines throughout the day. And again, this was only for 40 people, max.
It was very hot that day, and it was very uncomfortable to be out in the sun. Everyone was fighting for seats in the shade. Another thing to think about.
I can't handle the heat. I went to a wine tasting once and overheated and almost passed out. There was not enough shade, food, or water for all the attendees as they oversold the tickets.
Make sure you think about getting some tents for people to stay shaded. I'm not sure how large your aunts yard or pool is, but that's something to figure out.
Also - if the catering company is providing the food, where are they going to keep the truck parked? I can't imagine them running outside to get the food for all those guests?
Re: People keep telling me it will be boring.
-Who is grilling? Will they rent industrial grills? Are you hiring a caterer to do this or someone to be at the grill for this?
-150 people means 150 MINIMUM pieces of meat. If you're using a regular grill and not an industrial one, let's be conservative and say you can hold about a dozen burgers at a time.
-Let's say you have half burgers and half dogs:
-At roughly 7 minutes minimum to cook a burger that's a MINIMUM of 49 minutes to cook 75 burgers.
-Same grill for hot dogs? You can probably get a good 20 dogs on the grill at a time. That's an ADDITIONAL 28 minutes to cook hot dogs.
Total Grill Time = 103 minutes. That's over an hour and a half if you use one standard sized grill. That means that your food simply cannot be ready at the same time for all guests.
If you have vegetarians you may need a second grill. Their food shouldn't come in contact with the same grates as what you are using to grill meat.
If you're using an industrial grill that's fantastic. Who will grill? That's HOT. The time for each patty or dog will still remain the same but it will go faster. Who mans this? That's a gross and dirty job. My dad still talks about how he HATED being stuck at the grill for my brother's cub scout picnic 30 years ago. It was hot and he was miserable.
The plan you have isn't terrible but it needs to be thought out better. Find a catering company that will handle that for you.
You can't serve food at 4 PM. Guests will not last in the sun without a meal. I guarantee you that many will leave before 4 if a meal isn't out shortly after the ceremony.
Also, please have a way of ensuring that any food brought inside stays at the appropriate temperature. Summer salads and picnics have a way of bringing in food borne illness because food is not stored correctly.
Also, what kind of setup does your aunt have at her home? Fitting 150 people in & around one house will be bananas. What will you do for bathrooms? What if it rains? Where will they park? How will everyone fit in the pool, if that's going to be your primary entertainment? Where will everyone sit?
Home weddings work great when it's a very small group; think immediate family, maybe a couple close friends. Weddings in general also work better when the B & G aren't literally working.
Also, three bathrooms is not really enough for 150 people. Are they all on the same level? Who will keep them clean, re-stock the TP, etc? If the guests have to wait for the bathroom, will the line interfere with the flow of the space?
And does your aunt have a large enough property or live on an empty enough street that 150 people can park there and not cause a problem? I can only imagine a few situations where this would apply.
You may have plenty of street parking, but you're talking about what could be 50 cars (and that's a low estimate). Think of 50 cars parked on the street in your aunt's neighborhood.
It sounds like your sister and everyone else are right to be concerned. You should consider cutting way back on your guest list.
1) Caterer needs to be there and with appetizers that start at the end of your ceremony. Full stop.
2) Lunch needs to be before 4. Get them to agree to food starting at 12:30 or end of ceremony and a meal that begins by 1:30 / 2:00. It needs to be ready for everyone.
3) The post-meal leftovers need to be kept somewhere. Even if you keep them in regulated coolers that can be accessed by casual guests, they can't be kept out at temp for hours. That's just a food borne issue.
I get that you want casual but think of all the picnics you've attended. Did the people that showed up just graze or when food was ready did lines form at buffets for people to eat? Sure, maybe not EVERYONE ate at the same time but any casual event I've attended had the food out with the majority eating a meal when the meal was presented.
Finally, I think you need to rent port a potties. 3 bathrooms isn't sufficient. Is your aunt on sewer or septic? That amount of people using one bathroom could really do a # (2) on the system.
Depending on how casual you want to make this, I've attended events in DH's family that are big. The plan is often:
-Women and children get the bathrooms inside.
-An outdoor urinal area is created for the men. Men do not use the bathroom inside unless there's a need to sit.
This works in DH's family. That may not work for yours. Still, even with the set up I've waited for a few minutes for a toilet. I don't mind at casual events and we go with the flow (pun intended) but I do think a port a potty or some kind of exterior bathroom need to be brought into the plan regardless but ESPECIALLY if your aunt has a septic tank.
Also, think of the ages of your guests. When I've attended weddings or other events like this they work but:
-The first guests to leave are the grandparents and their generation. You need to make sure that they're comfortable and fed.
-The next to leave are the parents' generation and the people with young children.
-Last to go are those who are your age who have no kids.
Most likely you're going to see a large majority of people out by 6. Maybe your group is different from mine but that's 6 hours which is pretty long to party.
The younger generation will keep going because they don't have anywhere to be and are often just easier at that age. So the relaxed vibe is still really possible but most likely I think you're going to be left with a much smaller crowd by the time you hit 6 or 7.
This is HORRIBLE logic. You've hit the defensive wall and now refuse to find the logic trees.
No matter if you decide to be receptive to our comments and helpful criticism or not, I think the one thing you should try and consider is that this just isn't true. Thinking that leaving/not attending = not caring Because it doesn't, especially when your plan is going to not be considerate of your guests and their needs (like food and parking and multiple toilets, simple stuff). Also sometimes people just can't come/need to leave early, irrespective of your plans and event.
Really, please, everyone here wants to help and they're trying to explain why your plan isn't going to work the way you want it to. It'll be a wedding no one will forget but not in a good way if you don't think about your guests and their comfort and wants along with your own. When you choose a certain path you close other doors and need to make compromises in other ways. And wanting a casual backyard pool party wedding means cutting down the guests list to a manageable number or compromising and getting portable toilets and starting dinner earlier than you might have wanted.
Also, pool parties are fun but being outside in the sun for MANY = early bedtime. The sun zaps your energy. You get dehydrated and tired often earlier when you're out in the sun and heat. Add no food for hours and again, it's a logistical problem.
I think your wedding can be great if you move up the food serving and make sure you have extra toilets. Why you're not open to that is kind of baffling to me.
After dressing up, clearing a Saturday, and buying a gift, you want people to stand outside for 4 hours with just fruit and have massive queues for the loos. Would you honestly stay?
why are you digging in and refusing to move the food up? If you’re wedding isn’t at 12 it should be at 1:30 at the latest. It isn’t like this will cost you more money. Then spend money on chairs to make sure you have a chair for every bum. Then spend it on portaloos. 150 people for 3 bathrooms isn’t going to make them foul!
Vision over guests comfort is a complete arsehole attitude. And also reevaluate it- because right now your vision is not including the 150 hot, tired, hangry ppl who have to pee bolting for the door at your utter rudeness.
I’m all for an inexpensive backyard wedding, but I’m starting to think you should start listening to your sister. That, or just elope because you clearly don’t like your guests at all.
ETF typo
People have given you some really helpful information. You just respond with increasing defensiveness, saying people will deal with it if they really care about you.
You are trying to force your bad ideas, and when real problems are pointed out you just blame it on people wanting to club, which makes absolutely no sense. It seems that this wedding is less about wanting to celebrate with friends and family and more about making people put up with being as uncomfortable as possible.
Want this to work? Do these:
-Serve lunch by 2
-Get a damned ipod
-Get chairs and a rain plan
-Rent bathrooms
Don't care if this works or not? Continue being stubborn and defensive. Be prepared for your sister to say "I told you so" for the rest of your life.
I don’t know what kind of nightclubs you go to, but chairs, loos, and food rarely come into play. If they did, I would gladly pay all of her majesty’s pounds sterling for a cover to go to a nightclub with seats, food, light background music, and zero queues for the loo when I’m dragged out for girls night. That sounds delightful. #toooldforthisshit
Oh, and I've been to events like the one you *think* you're having. The difference? There was just as many people, but there were a minimum of 5-7 bathrooms, including an outdoor one for the pool users, if there wasn't, they rented more. The food was fully catered and available almost right away, including heavy hor d'oeuvres. The only people who really used the pool were kids (who could have seen that coming?). The events still didn't last more than a few hours because most people do not have the stamina to last that long outside (or at a pool party in general). And these houses were big enough for everyone to mingle inside in case it was too hot (really our only inclement weather situation). There was plenty of seating (including catered set up seating and tables) inside and outside. There was shade, misters and fans hooked up and running. THAT is what good hosting looks like. Don't place your vision ahead of people's comfort and then get upset when they leave early. And in case you couldn't tell, the houses I'm describing were much much bigger than your aunts. They had to be to host like that. You have to scale back your guest list.
And seriously, how many weddings have you been to? Because I have NEVER been to one that is in any way, shape, or form, reminiscent of a club. DJ/band =/= "clubbing" atmosphere. And I say that as someone who liked to go clubbing a lot in my younger years.
No one thinks your event needs to be cookie cutter but please don't call weddings club events. I don't go to clubs and didn't before I got married.
I think you are onto something that can be SO GOOD but the reason people are now telling you after they received the invitation that they're concerned is that they are concerned about your plans.
Finally I said it before but I'll say it again - please do not ever equate thinking that those who care about you will have a good time. That's really really really poor logic.
PPs have covered the ridiculous logic, but here's this analogy:
Say one of your friends likes (actual) clubbing so much that she decides to have her wedding in a club, and then anyone who wants to have fun can change at the club into a minidress and wait four hours for food. You say, "But not everyone enjoys clubbing as much as you do, and four hours seems like a while to wait for food at dinnertime. Also I wouldn't feel comfortable in a minidress in front of a whole bunch of strangers." Her response is, "If you love me, you'll be there the whole time and love it!"
See how that sounds? It sounds selfish, inflexible, and silly. Not everyone wants to hang by/in your pool and not eat, and that has zero to do with how much they care about you.
No, if you love them you won't make them "deal" with your (general you) shitty plans.
ETF typo.
No matter how much you think people love you, they will not stay and put up with things if you don't meet their needs.
That means having enough restrooms, sufficient parking and not keeping anyone waiting for hours to eat.
They had 2 bathrooms to use in the house. Both had long lines throughout the day. And again, this was only for 40 people, max.
It was very hot that day, and it was very uncomfortable to be out in the sun. Everyone was fighting for seats in the shade. Another thing to think about.
Make sure you think about getting some tents for people to stay shaded. I'm not sure how large your aunts yard or pool is, but that's something to figure out.
Also - if the catering company is providing the food, where are they going to keep the truck parked? I can't imagine them running outside to get the food for all those guests?