Are Video Games Appropriate At Reception?

knottied4c7395132da15b7 · September 2018

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

lovesclimbing · September 2018

knottied4c7395132da15b7 said:

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

I see lots of problems with this. What kind of games? A lot of the popular ones are pretty violent, and I know a lot of people of all ages who wouldn't be thrilled with seeing that in the background (and if you have kids in attendance, plenty of parents wouldn't be happy with their children seeing that). It's going to get expensive with needing lots of controllers and screens.
Video games are pretty isolating. You have people zoned in on the screen, and from the times I've watched people playing, you can't really interact with the players. And, unless that's something you're really into, it's not much fun to watch.

Finally, you probably aren't going to have much if any chance to play. The B&G are typically pretty busy. You are the guests of honor, and there will be people who want to visit and spend time with you. And if you don't have a receiving line, you will need to do table visits. I doubt you're just going to be able to plop down and play video games for half an hour or an hour in the middle of the reception without seeming rude.

If video games are taking over the reception (and by that I mean game noise and game talk is what people are hearing and the screens are pretty visible to the whole area), I expect you very well may have guests leaving early.

If you had a guest list that was mostly gamers, and you had tons of consoles and screens, I could see this maybe working, but I don't think it will very well in your case.

ei34 · September 2018

knottied4c7395132da15b7 said:

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

The ceremony is about you two. The reception is about every guest in attendance. What would the majority appreciate? I don’t eat most meat or any seafood, or drink beer, whiskey or tequila, and there they all were at our wedding, because our guests enjoyed them. Based on what you described, I’d skip the video games at your reception.
I don’t think a reception needs an “ activity” if the food, drinks, and music are good enough, but if you feel there will be a void, I’d go with a photo booth which is more interactive and quicker- I’m not a gamer so it may not be accurate, but I picture guests playing alone and for like an hour, zoned in on the game and nothing else.

ernursej · September 2018

I was at a wedding where there was an xbox (or could have been something else since I'm not into video games) but it was for the couple of older kids who were guests at the wedding. I think it worked for that reception as it was considering the guests and what they would enjoy. The only game that I think could be fun for multiple guest is guitar hero or dance dance revolution. I've been at parties where these have been played and it was fun for a bit to watch others rock out or seriously take it all dancing. I still don't know if a wedding would be the best place for video games if it is not a gamer's reception.

missJeanLouise · September 2018

I find video games to be very isolating. It is not a group activity and I would be seriously pissed if the people I came to spend time/ celebrate with were off playing video games. Have his/your friends over the night before or after for video game night and spare the rest of the guests from having to deal with that.

maine7mob · September 2018

Receptions are social gatherings. It's the socializing (and maybe dancing, if you have that) that are the entertainment. Video games are a different sort of entertainment. They are far more isolating. I agree with your parents (and honestly, if I were paying for everything, I'd put my foot down about this).

The people who are paying are considered the hosts, and the hosts get to decide what they will pay for. Ideally, the couple and the hosts will agree, but when they don't, the parents' wallet triumphs.

Why can't the groom have a bachelor party with video gaming instead?

short+sassy · September 2018

I agree with the other PPs. Video games at receptions are a terrible idea. Receptions are social events, while video games are isolating. Even when they're played in groups, it is usually just a few people at a time.

Not to mention, your parents are the ones paying for everything. So they get A LOT of say. And they don't like the idea and don't want it at the event they are hosting. For good reasons. Quite frankly, I think this is where the discussion should have ended for your FI.

banana468 · September 2018

knottied4c7395132da15b7 said:

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

To the bolded: it isn't the case for the reception. The reception is for your guests.

I think a much better compromise is to have the video games at a bachelor party.

Doing this at a reception sounds like a major logistical issue aside from how anti social this is if you aren't playing the game.

I'm not a gamer and haven't been one aside from Nintendo. DH can get sucked into some computer games for hours and go to bed at 2 AM. Playing it is the opposite of social.

Jen4948 · September 2018

banana468 said:

knottied4c7395132da15b7 said:

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

To the bolded: it isn't the case for the reception. The reception is for your guests.

I think a much better compromise is to have the video games at a bachelor party.

Doing this at a reception sounds like a major logistical issue aside from how anti social this is if you aren't playing the game.

I'm not a gamer and haven't been one aside from Nintendo. DH can get sucked into some computer games for hours and go to bed at 2 AM. Playing it is the opposite of social.

I agree. If the groom wants to play video games, then his bachelor party or an after-party would be a more appropriate setting for that than the reception.

The reception is for and about the guests, so the activities need to be ones where he interacts with the guests and/or they are given an opportunity to actively participate.

Video game players focus on the games to the exclusion of everyone else present. When my brother and I were kids, he was really into video games. I finally had to tell him that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd have to stop playing because I didn't feel like talking to the back of his head.

lovesclimbing · September 2018

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

knottied4c7395132da15b7 said:

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

To the bolded: it isn't the case for the reception. The reception is for your guests.

I think a much better compromise is to have the video games at a bachelor party.

Doing this at a reception sounds like a major logistical issue aside from how anti social this is if you aren't playing the game.

I'm not a gamer and haven't been one aside from Nintendo. DH can get sucked into some computer games for hours and go to bed at 2 AM. Playing it is the opposite of social.

I agree. If the groom wants to play video games, then his bachelor party or an after-party would be a more appropriate setting for that than the reception.

The reception is for and about the guests, so the activities need to be ones where he interacts with the guests and/or they are given an opportunity to actively participate.

Video game players focus on the games to the exclusion of everyone else present. When my brother and I were kids, he was really into video games. I finally had to tell him that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd have to stop playing because I didn't feel like talking to the back of his head.

Oh my goodness, is this actually a thing? My BIL lives across the country, and he will FaceTime my inlaws and then sit on FaceTime and play video games while they look up at his face/chin and ask questions that are responded to in not much more than monosyllables. Again, he called them, not the other way around, and he does this. I don't get it? The first time I was around when this happened, I was appalled. I found it so incredibly rude. I know my inlaws find it rude, too, because they told me so, but so far they haven't called him out on it. They usually endure for ten minutes or so and then tell him they need to go. I assumed this kind of behavior was only him or a couple people.

Jen4948 · September 2018

lovesclimbing said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

knottied4c7395132da15b7 said:

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

To the bolded: it isn't the case for the reception. The reception is for your guests.

I think a much better compromise is to have the video games at a bachelor party.

Doing this at a reception sounds like a major logistical issue aside from how anti social this is if you aren't playing the game.

I'm not a gamer and haven't been one aside from Nintendo. DH can get sucked into some computer games for hours and go to bed at 2 AM. Playing it is the opposite of social.

I agree. If the groom wants to play video games, then his bachelor party or an after-party would be a more appropriate setting for that than the reception.

The reception is for and about the guests, so the activities need to be ones where he interacts with the guests and/or they are given an opportunity to actively participate.

Video game players focus on the games to the exclusion of everyone else present. When my brother and I were kids, he was really into video games. I finally had to tell him that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd have to stop playing because I didn't feel like talking to the back of his head.

Oh my goodness, is this actually a thing? My BIL lives across the country, and he will FaceTime my inlaws and then sit on FaceTime and play video games while they look up at his face/chin and ask questions that are responded to in not much more than monosyllables. Again, he called them, not the other way around, and he does this. I don't get it? The first time I was around when this happened, I was appalled. I found it so incredibly rude. I know my inlaws find it rude, too, because they told me so, but so far they haven't called him out on it. They usually endure for ten minutes or so and then tell him they need to go. I assumed this kind of behavior was only him or a couple people.

I don't know if it's a thing, but I just wasn't able to converse with my brother while he was playing, even though he wanted me to stick around and talk with him.

Karma: he is now begging his kids to put their electronic toys aside and interact with those around them.

climbingsingle · September 2018

I’ve only ever seen this at a bar mitzvah. So my vote is no.

MairePoppy · September 2018

I agree with your parents. It would be rude for either or both of you to go off with a smaller group of friends to play video games, leaving the other guests to celebrate without you.

redoryx · September 2018

knottied4c7395132da15b7 said:

We will be having a traditional wedding. My groom wants video games at the reception. I like to play, but I have never been to a wedding with video games. Most of the guests will be older than 40. My parents are paying for everything and feel that is inappropriate and that the guests will leave. They understand that the wedding is all about the groom and I, but that there are limits. What should we do?

The ceremony might be about the groom and bride, but the reception is about the guests so your parents are correct. It would be incredibly rude and inappropriate for your groom to go off and play video games in the middle of his reception.

That said, are there little ways you can include his love for video games in some other way? Depending on the games, it's totally do-able. I love The Legend of Zelda and we had a Link mask for our photobooth. We also almost considered a Princess Peach & Mario cake topper (before skipping the topper entirely). I also really love gaming music, some of them instrumental music from various games might make good dinner music.

MesmrEwe · September 2018

As others have mentioned - The wedding is about the two of you (Ceremony), the reception is celebrating/thanking your guests.

IMO, unless you're doing something like they have to win pack man or simple video game for a kiss, that's one thing, but on the overall, there is really only one or two players that can be doing this at a time, it's better for an after party than the main event. The logistics with a large group are just such that make the video games there not the way to go...

Are Video Games Appropriate At Reception?

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