Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Moms and Maids
knottieeb2d30ca982dbcd0
member
Maid of honor ? 🤦🏼♀️
I am getting married 1/19/19. I asked my bridesmaids to get their dresses by October 1st. The message I sent was defiantly bridesilla-ish because a few of the bridesmaids originally said they were going to wait till January to get their dresses "off the rack". BUT The lead time at David's Bridal is crazy long. (Hindsight on David's now. Lol) I told them I thought it was unacceptable for them to wait for NO reason to buy their dress. If they had a reason then they should tell me. I offered to buy anyone's dress who doesn't have the money at the moment. I talked to theses girls weekly and I make a point to keep our friendships as normal as possible and not focused on only the wedding. So it’s not like they can’t talk to me.
Then came my MOH who is my sister. My sister and I don't really get along. She told me that I am disgusting by demanding all the bridesmaids dresses are the same. That I need to chill because this was my second marriage. She said she wouldn't be apart of my wedding party.
I am so hurt by her. I am requiring nothing else. The dresses just need to be the same shade and length. Not a set style. Whatever they want is fine with me....black shoes, hair, makeup, accessories etc.
I was married 10 years ago in a budget wedding. Under $9,000. My exhusband was abusive and we got divorced 8 years ago.
Not a single person other than her was in the first wedding.
I met my soulmate. Truly blessed everyday. I always say "I couldn't do life without you". So I feel justified celebrating it. My fiancé and I are paying for everything.
So I guess my question is...
has anyone had any issues with bridesmaids leaving? Trying to get back in? How bad is the situation going to be the day of? Because as far as I am concerned, if she doesn't get her dress by October 1st she's out.
Re: Maid of honor ? 🤦🏼♀️
Did you ask everyone their budgets privately and individually first? What is so wrong with getting a dress that fits shade and length off the rack? It’s irrelevent that you and your FI are paying for everything. You cannot “Fire” someone you are not paying. Kicking someone out of the WP is a friendship ending move. I’m not really sure you asked your sister to be in the WP if you’re not close, but that ship has sailed. And fwiw I’ve ordered several dresses from DB and they’ve all arrived in under 2 weeks. They just try to force you to get them months in advance. If you are coming off to your friends at all similar to how you are here, I can imagine how they wouldn’t feel comfortable communicating with you. I really hope you didn’t ask them to buy dresses that were out of their budgets. You’re being really intense and you need to take a step back and think about relationships first and the wedding second.
IMHO I still think you are acting like a Bridezilla. You are within your right to request a colour or even a dress, but you needed to ensure that you privately asked each person their budget before and stayed well under the lowest number. Do not kick anyone out of your wedding party and understand that if they don't show up in the agreed upon dress at your wedding that they will have removed themselves from the wedding. Apologize for being a Bridezilla and let them know that they can purchase their dress at any time that is convenient for them and what matters most is that they are standing up next to you. If you haven't taken into account their budget, apologize for that and pay for the dress.
Have a cupcake and a large glass of wine. This is small potatoes.
-Apologize to everyone.
-Ask them their budgets individually.
-Pick a dress in a style or STYLES that work in their budgets.
-TRUST THEM that they won't show up naked.
-Apologize again.
I crossed out all the irrelevant things. I'm happy that you got out of an abusive situation but that doesn't mean you get to shit on your friends and family.
Does your sister want to "get back in"? On the day of, it shouldn't be weird. She's either got a dress and she's a MOH or she's wearing something else and is a guest. NBD.
I'm also confused by your sister being upset about "bridesmaids dresses are the same" since you said you only want them to be the same color and length.
If your bridesmaids want to wait, what's the harm in letting them? If they don't have a dress by 1/19/19, then they're out.
Lastly, and I'm sorry; this might be rude, but the bolded made me so happy. I had a coworker years and years ago who would spell "definitely" as "defiantly" and we still use that. Love. it.
DB takes 2-3 weeks to get dresses if you order them. They also have a variety of dresses in various sizes and colors on the rack. Plus, DB is the walmart of BM dresses. There are tons of resale DB dresses available. You chose a color and length. It is up to the ladies to find a dress that fits those parameters and get it into their possession by 1/19/19. You are absolutely in the wrong to think that you have any right to insist that they have it before that date. If they procrastinate and end up having to buy used, not get preferred style or pay rush fees, that is none of your concern.
Why would you ask your sister to be MOH if you don't even like her? It seems to me that you're trying to bridezilla her into dropping out. That's just stupid. If you aren't close, you shouldn't have asked her. Being mean and trying to alienate her is not going to help you here.
You are being ridiculous. You don't sound like you really like your sister, I bet this came across in your interactions with her. And then you go send a really shirty email to your supposed friends.
Your wedding isn't for over 3 months. If you aren't even requiring them to be the same, why does it matter if they are David's or off the rack? Also, no one OWES you any excuses or reasons to why they don't want to spend money.
If it is SO important that dresses are purchased in October, do like we do in the UK, and you, the bride, buys the dresses for the Bridesmaids. No, not to be reimbursed, but as a gift.
Team "Y'all owe someone an apology!" Wedding stress - I get it, everyone gets sucked into the emotional sales technique "you/BM won't have ANY dress if you don't buy TODAY" (or any other wedding related item) and yes, this is a SALES TECHNIQUE because the wedding industry is notorious for being emotionally driven in making choices instead of rationally minded. Some salespeople are better at this than others but it's important to recognize it so that you don't fall for it again.
Take a deep breath - get a cupcake and adult beverage of choice (this can be a Mocktail as well!), and chill! Your wedding isn't until January and they know the parameters. And, please apologize to your nearest and dearest in your wedding, there are far bigger things worthy of your energy and attention than whether or not the BM have their dresses three months out!
"Firing" unpaid bridesmaids for not getting a dress for a one-day occasion that is not going to ever be as important to anyone as it is to you and your FI, on your schedule, without regard for the fact that your wedding is not your coronation, what might be going on on their lives (than which your wedding is not more important), and that it doesn't take that long to get dresses at David's Bridal or anywhere else, will cost you their friendship.
If you don’t get along with your sister, why did you ask her to be your MOH?
Seriously, though, asking someone to be your bridesmaid is supposed to be a way to honor them. Not to demand that your friends kiss your ass, be your bitches and spend their money on you for the next year.
I'm sad that so many women get so caught up in the ZOMG WEDDINGGGGG I'M A BRIDE AND THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLDDDDDDDDDD that they forget that their friends and family are actual people and don't exist solely to appease the bride.
LOL no.
If you actually care, kicking someone out of your wedding party, especially for petty reasons, is a relationship ending move. You are honoring your bridal party by asking them to stand up with you, not the other way around. And the only requirement of being in a bridal party is showing up on time, relatively sober, in the outfit you agreed upon (in their budget). That's literally it. Anything else is voluntary (on their part, you can't volunteer them).
But I'm sure you don't care because you obviously have never read a single thread on this forum, otherwise you wouldn't have made such a ridiculous post.
Maid =/= servant.
Maid =/= paid job.
Maid =/= someone you can boss around and ultimately fire.
You're either engaged or you're marrying an ostrich.
I have yet to hear of a wedding where the bride said, "Would you be my bridesmaid? Before you say yes, I expect my bridal party to commit $50 to my bridal shower, $700 to my bachelorette party for travel costs and hotel and such, $100 for professional hair and makeup, $75 for new shoes, and $200 for a dress and alterations. I also expect my bridal party to commit to attending both my bridal showers, the bachelorette party weekend, the engagement party, various planning and diy weekends, the rehearsal dinner, and of course the wedding day. If you can't commit to that, say no now."
That does not happen. So sure, although I think it's crappy, you can be annoyed if people know and agree to that commitment up front and don't follow through. But if you didn't spell out those exact requirements ahead of time, you can't be upset that people don't follow them.
I've never had to spend more than $100 on any wedding I've been in, not including just the wedding travel costs, and it's sometimes been substantially less. And by less, I mean $0.
We get a lot of bridesmaids on here upset about ballooning costs they're just expected to pay. So it's unfortunately not at all uncommon that people spring additional costs on their wedding party even though you and I may not have experienced that.
Kicking someone out of your wedding is a friendship ending move. I have never, ever heard of it. And if I did, I would reevaluate my friendship with that person, even if I wasn't the aggrieved party. When someone throws a tantrum over their friends not spending enough time and money on YOUR party- that is not someone I want in my life.
This forum is to help people, not to convince them to treat their loved ones like dirt so that you can feel better about having been treated that way or choosing to treat your own friends that way.
Asking someone to be in your wedding is an opportunity to honor your friendship. It is not supposed to be an opportunity to get off on making them put up with horrible treatment.
That does happen. My coworker did it. I heard the letter was 3 pages long. She's kind of insane.
1. We had the bachelorette party a month ago. The girl planning it didn’t tell a single detail to anyone. People were calling me for answers because she wouldn’t respond to them. I tried to talk to her several times and offered to help ( so did several people) Alli wanted was peoples flights Info. The airport was 1.5 hours from the lodge we were staying at. People were debating taking Uber’s to the airport. Which I thought was so silly. Over $150 for a ride. 😳 I drove people instead. It didn’t have to be like that. We also paid for all food at the lodge, the rental car and they didn’t have to pay to stay there. I try and make things easier.
Yes I did pick my sister because she is my sister. Howeevr my sister has boarder line personality disorder. We haven’t had a fight in two years. She got off her medicine right before this happened. (That’s a whole other family story)
When I said “same dresses”, my sister didn’t understand why I even wanted the same color. I chose a length and color and that’s what she thinks is wrong. Nothing else is required. Just a navy blue dress.
I have been engaged over a year. I might need to update my profile 🤷🏼♀️
One of my bridesmaids ordered 2 dresses from DB. The one she likes wouldn’t be ready till January 5th or something like that. She is worried she won’t have it in time the way the sales lady told her. She’s usually buys two of everything when shopping online because she’s tiny and needs everything altered so don’t worry, it’s nothing new.
I would just like to say a bride is allowed one freak out. You all are making it seem like that’s totally unheard of. Can anyone say it didn’t happen at all?
I just moved across country from Texas to Chicago. Lived in a hotel for 34 days until last Wednesday. We walked into our apartment with a shelf being broken, the sink clogging and both the dishwasher and dryer being broken. Our stuff was delivered damaged. I am planning an out of state wedding with bridesmaids who live in 5 different states. I am fighting a legal battle with my dentist. I am also looking for a job. One freak out for all of that?
I did apologize but I don’t know what else to do? Everyone has suggested saying sorry and I did. I wrote the post because I just needed to share. I needed it off my chest.
My writing isn’t the best. I am a public speaker. I try and go back and edit so sometimes it doesn’t flow correctly.
But for this group only... when someone only want one thing I would never stress the bride out more than need be. I would check off the one thing and move one.