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Total Opposites

knottieff6955ffbdf81f61knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 member
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in Budget Weddings Forum
I need advice and fast! I always knew that when i got married I'd have music and dancing at my wedding because that's just the person I am. My fiance and his family however are the exact opposite. When I told my mother-in-law about my plans to have a dj her response was "A DJ?!?!?......uhh...ok..." I know for a fact my family is going to want dancing music, but my fiance says his family will perfer a quartet which i don't like for several reason. For 1)how tf do you dance to that? 2)my fiances brother had a quartet at his wedding and im not trying to recreate their wedding and 3rd) we are on a very strict budget and for the same money we could get a dj to play the cocktail hour, ceremony and reception, seems like a waste to. Does anyone have any suggestions for compromises keeping in mind we cannot hire multiple performers per the budget. 

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Re: Total Opposites

  • knottieff6955ffbdf81f61knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 member
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    edited February 2019
    Thats a huge assumption you made. I did not make the decision to have a dj without my fiance. In fact we talked about it extensively and at the time he agreed that a dj would be best as long as he got to play some music he liked (which i have zero issue with) and as long as he wasn't forced to dance. Color me suprised when his mom brought it up and he out of nowhere stated his family would prefer a quartet. 


    knowing how he now feels i am writing this to get advice on what some options would be that might appease both families but is still affordable. Please if you don't have advice to contribute don't comment. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 said:
    Thats a huge assumption you made. I did not make the decision to have a dj without my fiance. In fact we talked about it extensively and at the time he agreed that a dj would be best as long as he got to play some music he liked (which i have zero issue with) and as long as he wasn't forced to dance. Color me suprised when his mom brought it up and he out of nowhere stated his family would prefer a quartet. 


    knowing how he now feels i am writing this to get advice on what some options would be that might appease both families but is still affordable. Please if you don't have advice to contribute don't comment. 
    I don't know what kind of options you think exist. You've said you can only afford a DJ. If that's the case, you and your FI need to be on the same page, and he needs to tell him mother that you're not having a quartet. 

    Are his parents paying for the wedding? 
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  • knottieff6955ffbdf81f61knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 member
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    im not sure what options are out there to be honest as this is the only part I've ever thrown in my life lol we can't afford anything more expensive than a DJ. The problem is my poor fiance is a people pleaser and he hates to be in the middle of disagreements especially between two ppl he loves. I talked to my aunt who does a lot of weddings and she just suggested that the price might be the same if we use the quartet for the cocktail hour and ceremony only which may be about an hour and use a Dj the rest of the time so I’m gonna look into that
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  • knottieff6955ffbdf81f61knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 member
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    And sry, to answer your question no. My fiancé and I are paying for it
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    If your FMIL has no financial stakes in your wedding, just bean dip when music comes up.  Ditto @MyNameIsNot big time- FI has to have your back..you two ideally will be a united front.  I’m a people pleaser too but not at my H’s expense.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 said:
    And sry, to answer your question no. My fiancé and I are paying for it
    This is great news. Because then JUST you and your FI get to decide what type of music to have. Your FI needs to tell his mom to butt out. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you can afford it the quartet at cocktail hour/dinner and DJ for after sounds great, but only if that’s what you and your FI together both really want. 

    People who pay for the weddings get a day in what happens at the weddong. That means if you’re paying, together, you get to decide, together, what you want to do. I know, easier said that done, but if you and your FI have decided on a DJ his mother will just have to deal. 
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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Depending on your plans/ budget/ time, maybe you could have a quieter brunch/tea the day before or after the ceremony. In my area, it was less expensive to hire a quartet than a DJ. But if you want a DJ for any part of it then go for the whole thing, half the cost is just getting them there and set up. You can have them play instrumental music for the ceremony and cocktail hour, even during dinner, and then turn into party mode afterwards.
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Reading between the lines here, so I could be wrong, but it sounds to me as if your FI might prefer a quartet himself because he doesn't want to be forced to dance (as you said upthread), and a quartet would guarantee that dancing doesn't happen. So you need to discuss this with him privately and find out what HE really wants, then work out a compromise from there.
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  • knottieff6955ffbdf81f61knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 member
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    maine7mob said:
    Reading between the lines here, so I could be wrong, but it sounds to me as if your FI might prefer a quartet himself because he doesn't want to be forced to dance (as you said upthread), and a quartet would guarantee that dancing doesn't happen. So you need to discuss this with him privately and find out what HE really wants, then work out a compromise from there.
    Haha yea and no. He would like a quartet himself because he wants music but doesn’t want to dance as you said but he also wants to have a Dj because he knows that’s what I my family will enjoy. And I’m the opposite I want a Dj bc I want to dance and I want a quartet bc I really want my fiancé and is family to enjoy themselves as well hahaha what a dilemma. I’m gonna try to cut something in my budget so I can get a quartet for cocktail hour and reception as a surprise :) 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    knottieff6955ffbdf81f61 said:
    maine7mob said:
    Reading between the lines here, so I could be wrong, but it sounds to me as if your FI might prefer a quartet himself because he doesn't want to be forced to dance (as you said upthread), and a quartet would guarantee that dancing doesn't happen. So you need to discuss this with him privately and find out what HE really wants, then work out a compromise from there.
    Haha yea and no. He would like a quartet himself because he wants music but doesn’t want to dance as you said but he also wants to have a Dj because he knows that’s what I my family will enjoy. And I’m the opposite I want a Dj bc I want to dance and I want a quartet bc I really want my fiancé and is family to enjoy themselves as well hahaha what a dilemma. I’m gonna try to cut something in my budget so I can get a quartet for cocktail hour and reception as a surprise :) 


    Have you contacted DJ's and Quartets for quotes for an event of those parameters yet?  Quartet before dinner then DJ after??  You may find this within your budget if you work things around appropriately.  
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Do you live in an area close to a university with a music program? Reach out to their music department and see if any students might be interested in performing. You’ll still have to pay them, but potentially not as much as professional musicians.
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
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    What about a DJ who can play quartet-style music during cocktail hour?
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    LD1970 said:
    What about a DJ who can play quartet-style music during cocktail hour?
    This is a great compromise. 
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