Trolls :)

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

I know I just did a very bad thing and changed the thread title and description. Please save all the nasty comments and do something more productive with your lives.

ShesSoCold · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

To the bolded, you ABSOLUTELY are. You do not get to tell people what to do with their money.

Asking someone to be a bridesmaid is a way for YOU to honor HER. Not for you to dip into her personal finances for your own pleasure. Be a better friend and lower your expectations.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

I don't know why you are assuming all of this, I never said I wanted to dip into her finances? I am also not the one that is planning the bach party in the first place it is my MOH. So if people say they are fine with it than how am I supposed to know that actually aren't. I am not asking for anything I paid for the girls dresses too so she hasn't had to pay for anything so far. I don't know who you think you are telling me that I am dipping into her finances for my own pleasure lol. What am I getting out of that, she agreed to being in the wedding and also agreed to come to the bach weekend. Am I also obligated to pay for everyone for the bach weekend?

climbingsingle · February 2019

Whoever is planning this bachelorette weekend should have asked for a budget first, instead of dictating to people what they need to spend. Who are you to judge that $100 isn't a lot to someone? When I was a broke college student, $100 was a lot to spend, that I didn't have.

Why not just skip the weekend getaway, and do a local night out so all your friends can attend? That's seems more reasonable then throwing a fit and getting mad at everyone for not wanting to spend money.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

SHE said that 100 was fine with her (what she told my MOH). I am not a mind reader how am I supposed to know she actually wasn't okay with it, maybe she should be honest with me and say I cant come. I will understand. I really don't have any planning in this my MOH and bridesmaids are planning it so when you say I am dictating their budget you couldn't be more wrong bc I am simply just along for the ride.....

It hurts that everyone is calling me out saying that I am being unreasonable and throwing a fit. These people said they were okay with it and if they dont want to come I am not holding a gun to their head. You women are way to quick to jump the gun on other women here. Your doing nothing but judging.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

I never said I was mad either, just a little annoyed that people are beating around the bush.

banana468 · February 2019

1) IF you're going to reply to a comment please use the quote button. The reply function just doesn't do much and it's hard to follow.

2) I think you may have gone about this a little backwards.
-If you can back out of the reservation now I would.
-Don't plan your own bachelorette.
-Lower your expectations.

If you have a friend who is constantly low on funds that's not going to change for your wedding. Some people just don't have money and others may not be good managing it. Neither of those miraculously change when someone gets married.

At this point I would write to your friends and say, "I think I may have put the cart before the horse. I would love to get together with all of you before the wedding if that works but it doesn't need to be in any place for an extended time. If that means drinks and food out one night maybe that would work better and if it doesn't happen I love you all just the same."

Then I'd leave it alone.

Also remember that just because you're adjusting finances for your wedding does not mean that your friends will nor should they have to.

banana468 · February 2019

Also, keep in mind that by having your wedding on 4th of July weekend it could also be asking a lot now that your WP may be in a new year looking at the cost for travel for two weekends in a short time span. That's a lot to hit a bank account and it sounds like $100 doesn't cover anything other than sleeping. That can still be a hit to funds if people are going to need multiple nights in a hotel just a few weeks later and if they're going to be expecting to do other activities.

levioosa · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

I don't know why you are assuming all of this, I never said I wanted to dip into her finances? I am also not the one that is planning the bach party in the first place it is my MOH. So if people say they are fine with it than how am I supposed to know that actually aren't. I am not asking for anything I paid for the girls dresses too so she hasn't had to pay for anything so far. I don't know who you think you are telling me that I am dipping into her finances for my own pleasure lol. What am I getting out of that, she agreed to being in the wedding and also agreed to come to the bach weekend. Am I also obligated to pay for everyone for the bach weekend?

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

SHE said that 100 was fine with her (what she told my MOH). I am not a mind reader how am I supposed to know she actually wasn't okay with it, maybe she should be honest with me and say I cant come. I will understand. I really don't have any planning in this my MOH and bridesmaids are planning it so when you say I am dictating their budget you couldn't be more wrong bc I am simply just along for the ride.....

It hurts that everyone is calling me out saying that I am being unreasonable and throwing a fit. These people said they were okay with it and if they dont want to come I am not holding a gun to their head. You women are way to quick to jump the gun on other women here. Your doing nothing but judging.

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

I never said I was mad either, just a little annoyed that people are beating around the bush.

1. You should not be planning your own B-party. Whoever was in charge of planning it should have asked the people attending privately what their budget was before booking anything.

2. You ask people to be in the wedding to honor them as your nearest and dearest. The only things required of the BP are to show up sober, in the right dress, at the right time on the day of the wedding. Parties, planning, decorating are not part of that.

3. It's great you're able to put away some money each month. A lot of people can't. Don't project your own finances on other people.

4. Do not kick her out of the wedding. That is a friendship ending move. See point 2 for reference.

5. You mentioned that "everyone" is balking at the expenses associated with your B-party. That's a sign it's too expensive. No one "deserves" a bachelorette party and some people don't get them at all. It doesn't make them any less married. And a B-party can be as simple as dinner and drinks in your hometown.

banana468 · February 2019

levioosa said:

5. You mentioned that "everyone" is balking at the expenses associated with your B-party. That's a sign it's too expensive. No one "deserves" a bachelorette party and some people don't get them at all. It doesn't make them any less married. And a B-party can be as simple as dinner and drinks in your hometown.

Yes! My bachelorette was a night out for dinner with friends followed by a pub crawl and a sleepover. It was GREAT.

MyNameIsNot · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

At first I thought you were just young and clueless, but really? You are seriously considering telling one of your best friends that she doesn't mean much to you anymore because she doesn't have enough extra money for a trip? She's broke, so you want to kick her while she's down?

Asking her if she wants to be in the wedding is telling her that the only reason you invited her was for her wallet, and since that isn't up for grabs, you no longer want to honor her. Honestly, if this is even remotely acceptable to you, do her a favor and go ahead and end the friendship now. No one needs a friend like that.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

banana468 said:

1) IF you're going to reply to a comment please use the quote button. The reply function just doesn't do much and it's hard to follow.

2) I think you may have gone about this a little backwards.
-If you can back out of the reservation now I would.
-Don't plan your own bachelorette.
-Lower your expectations.

If you have a friend who is constantly low on funds that's not going to change for your wedding. Some people just don't have money and others may not be good managing it. Neither of those miraculously change when someone gets married.

At this point I would write to your friends and say, "I think I may have put the cart before the horse. I would love to get together with all of you before the wedding if that works but it doesn't need to be in any place for an extended time. If that means drinks and food out one night maybe that would work better and if it doesn't happen I love you all just the same."

Then I'd leave it alone.

Also remember that just because you're adjusting finances for your wedding does not mean that your friends will nor should they have to.

Oh wow I never noticed this feature lol thanks! To reiterate for probably the third time now, I am not planning my own bach party. Do you girls just skim through the post and only read/interpret the parts you want to?

Anyway my MOH and other bridesmaids are planning it, which I am very grateful for. But, I also never asked for one, everyone else insisted on it and I think it will be very fun. Again if this one bridesmaid doesn't want to the spend the money, more power to her for wanting to save. Like I said I do not know her finances, but when she agrees to paying the deposit for the the trip everyone assumes that she is being honest right? Otherwise decline gracefully. She is being an obstruction in the planning process because she is so wishy washy. By her backing out last minute when everyone is about to pay then that makes one less person who is coming...which means everyone will have to pay extra last minute. I also don't appreciate her telling my mom she doesn't want to spend any money being in the wedding out of the blue (maybe she wants to get her hair done but cant pay for it). I am not asking them to get hair or makeup done bc I can't afford to pay for everyone, but they are free to go on their own if they WANT. I am not asking anything else from her other than being at the wedding up there with me. I would love her to come to the party and be in the wedding, but if she really thinks that I am trying to dictate her money she can just talk to ME and will find out that is not what I am trying to do. If she can make the weekend great, if not then she will be missed.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

MyNameIsNot said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

At first I thought you were just young and clueless, but really? You are seriously considering telling one of your best friends that she doesn't mean much to you anymore because she doesn't have enough extra money for a trip? She's broke, so you want to kick her while she's down?

Asking her if she wants to be in the wedding is telling her that the only reason you invited her was for her wallet, and since that isn't up for grabs, you no longer want to honor her. Honestly, if this is even remotely acceptable to you, do her a favor and go ahead and end the friendship now. No one needs a friend like that.

Nope not what I was suggesting AT ALL. You are taking it out of context. She has told my mother that it is too much for her, even though I haven't asked anything of her (of course to be with me on my wedding day). I paid for her dress and dress and will be covering her transportation for the wedding. Apparently she thinks I will be making demands of her and stuff which was not my intention at all. Again.. I did not ask her for any money for the bach party this is just what people are assuming. Me and the other girls are paying for ourselves and if she can't afford it then that is fine, I would lover her there but I understand. I also nevr planned on kicking her out of my wedding party. What I meant to see was should I ask her if she still wants to be in it bc she is not acting like it with all these back handed comments and complaints.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

I don't know what I did that made everyone jump down my throat, maybe I did not word it correctly. But either way you guys are really feisty huh! Not very helpful feedback.

banana468 · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

banana468 said:

1) IF you're going to reply to a comment please use the quote button. The reply function just doesn't do much and it's hard to follow.

2) I think you may have gone about this a little backwards.
-If you can back out of the reservation now I would.
-Don't plan your own bachelorette.
-Lower your expectations.

If you have a friend who is constantly low on funds that's not going to change for your wedding. Some people just don't have money and others may not be good managing it. Neither of those miraculously change when someone gets married.

At this point I would write to your friends and say, "I think I may have put the cart before the horse. I would love to get together with all of you before the wedding if that works but it doesn't need to be in any place for an extended time. If that means drinks and food out one night maybe that would work better and if it doesn't happen I love you all just the same."

Then I'd leave it alone.

Also remember that just because you're adjusting finances for your wedding does not mean that your friends will nor should they have to.

Oh wow I never noticed this feature lol thanks! To reiterate for probably the third time now, I am not planning my own bach party. Do you girls just skim through the post and only read/interpret the parts you want to?

Anyway my MOH and other bridesmaids are planning it, which I am very grateful for. But, I also never asked for one, everyone else insisted on it and I think it will be very fun. Again if this one bridesmaid doesn't want to the spend the money, more power to her for wanting to save. Like I said I do not know her finances, but when she agrees to paying the deposit for the the trip everyone assumes that she is being honest right? Otherwise decline gracefully. She is being an obstruction in the planning process because she is so wishy washy. By her backing out last minute when everyone is about to pay then that makes one less person who is coming...which means everyone will have to pay extra last minute. I also don't appreciate her telling my mom she doesn't want to spend any money being in the wedding out of the blue (maybe she wants to get her hair done but cant pay for it). I am not asking them to get hair or makeup done bc I can't afford to pay for everyone, but they are free to go on their own if they WANT. I am not asking anything else from her other than being at the wedding up there with me. I would love her to come to the party and be in the wedding, but if she really thinks that I am trying to dictate her money she can just talk to ME and will find out that is not what I am trying to do. If she can make the weekend great, if not then she will be missed.

OK - your first post is what I started to respond to because it was written in the 1st person and had serious implications that you were planning your bachelorette.

Remove yourself from the planning. If your MOH is taking the bull by the horns the tell her that time with your WP is more important than how it happens and you'd rather have time that's within the budget of the people involved. Then maybe SHE can say that rather than book now, those who want to attend can advise what their budgets are (privately to her) and they can say if they'd prefer a weekend or a night out.

THEN, based on the budgets available and guest list preferences she can make plans.

If there's one person who is consistently wishy washy on commitment and that's a pattern of behavior that has nothing to do with your wedding and everything to do with her personality then don't push her. Plan without her, lower your expectations and if she does show up it's a nice surprise.

ShesSoCold · February 2019

Alright, so, you obviously had a problem, which is why you came here. And now, rather than listen to us, you're getting quite defensive and acting like we are the problem. If 38 people see something one way and you alone see it the other way, do you really honestly think those 38 people are wrong?

What, exactly, are you looking for from us? Validation to pretend to be a princess?

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

banana468 said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

banana468 said:

1) IF you're going to reply to a comment please use the quote button. The reply function just doesn't do much and it's hard to follow.

2) I think you may have gone about this a little backwards.
-If you can back out of the reservation now I would.
-Don't plan your own bachelorette.
-Lower your expectations.

If you have a friend who is constantly low on funds that's not going to change for your wedding. Some people just don't have money and others may not be good managing it. Neither of those miraculously change when someone gets married.

At this point I would write to your friends and say, "I think I may have put the cart before the horse. I would love to get together with all of you before the wedding if that works but it doesn't need to be in any place for an extended time. If that means drinks and food out one night maybe that would work better and if it doesn't happen I love you all just the same."

Then I'd leave it alone.

Also remember that just because you're adjusting finances for your wedding does not mean that your friends will nor should they have to.

Oh wow I never noticed this feature lol thanks! To reiterate for probably the third time now, I am not planning my own bach party. Do you girls just skim through the post and only read/interpret the parts you want to?

Anyway my MOH and other bridesmaids are planning it, which I am very grateful for. But, I also never asked for one, everyone else insisted on it and I think it will be very fun. Again if this one bridesmaid doesn't want to the spend the money, more power to her for wanting to save. Like I said I do not know her finances, but when she agrees to paying the deposit for the the trip everyone assumes that she is being honest right? Otherwise decline gracefully. She is being an obstruction in the planning process because she is so wishy washy. By her backing out last minute when everyone is about to pay then that makes one less person who is coming...which means everyone will have to pay extra last minute. I also don't appreciate her telling my mom she doesn't want to spend any money being in the wedding out of the blue (maybe she wants to get her hair done but cant pay for it). I am not asking them to get hair or makeup done bc I can't afford to pay for everyone, but they are free to go on their own if they WANT. I am not asking anything else from her other than being at the wedding up there with me. I would love her to come to the party and be in the wedding, but if she really thinks that I am trying to dictate her money she can just talk to ME and will find out that is not what I am trying to do. If she can make the weekend great, if not then she will be missed.

OK - your first post is what I started to respond to because it was written in the 1st person and had serious implications that you were planning your bachelorette.

Remove yourself from the planning. If your MOH is taking the bull by the horns the tell her that time with your WP is more important than how it happens and you'd rather have time that's within the budget of the people involved. Then maybe SHE can say that rather than book now, those who want to attend can advise what their budgets are (privately to her) and they can say if they'd prefer a weekend or a night out.

THEN, based on the budgets available and guest list preferences she can make plans.

If there's one person who is consistently wishy washy on commitment and that's a pattern of behavior that has nothing to do with your wedding and everything to do with her personality then don't push her. Plan without her, lower your expectations and if she does show up it's a nice surprise.

I dont know what you mean by if she does show up its a nice surprise. I am planning a wedding not a birthday party at chuckie cheese. I am not going to be wondering on my wedding day hmmm I wonder if she will make it today? I got this extra bouquet of flowers JUST IN CASE she decides she wants to be in the wedding, (but no pressure, I should be honoring her).

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

ShesSoCold said:

Alright, so, you obviously had a problem, which is why you came here. And now, rather than listen to us, you're getting quite defensive and acting like we are the problem. If 38 people see something one way and you alone see it the other way, do you really honestly think those 38 people are wrong?

What, exactly, are you looking for from us? Validation to pretend to be a princess?

No that is not the case at all. I think people are just misunderstanding the whole situation. Sorry I am not a pro at forums. Everyone is assuming I am the one planning the bach party when I could care less. I did not ask my friend for anything, my MOH is planning it so she is the one who told her how much it will be. Validation to be a princess? Im sorry I dont know what you mean there. I am not trying to be a brat and I am asking for advice but it is frustrating when one person assumes one thing that is not true and then evertone else runs with it. It is like a game of telephone on here

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Alright, so, you obviously had a problem, which is why you came here. And now, rather than listen to us, you're getting quite defensive and acting like we are the problem. If 38 people see something one way and you alone see it the other way, do you really honestly think those 38 people are wrong?

What, exactly, are you looking for from us? Validation to pretend to be a princess?

No that is not the case at all. I think people are just misunderstanding the whole situation. Sorry I am not a pro at forums. Everyone is assuming I am the one planning the bach party when I could care less. I did not ask my friend for anything, my MOH is planning it so she is the one who told her how much it will be. Validation to be a princess? Im sorry I dont know what you mean there. I am not trying to be a brat and I am asking for advice but it is frustrating when one person assumes one thing that is not true and then evertone else runs with it. It is like a game of telephone on here

You dont have to berate me. You dont know me and you only know half of my situation.

ShesSoCold · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

Please re-read your OP, especially the bolded.

We're not assuming anything. You're telling us these things, then contradicting yourself and saying you didn't.

Words have meanings. We can't read your mind, just what you type.

flantastic · February 2019

Image: http://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/media.thesource.metro.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/13070921/Bach-ready-to-party-like-its-1685.jpg

Also, when people are being "wishy washy," as you say, it's generally because no one wants to do it but they also don't feel comfortable saying no. Not everyone needs a destination bachelorette weekend, especially when their friends are broke, and yet everyone seems to feel entitled to one.

If your friends get together and are excited for the idea of a party like this, let them throw it. Cool. That does not seem to be your situation. If the MOH wants to do a party like this, throws out feelers and people are lukewarm, she should rethink it. At no point should you be involved, even just by having the planner recap who's not willing to do what, because that puts pressure on people not to "disappoint" you.

If you need to give PP's party planning order of operations to your MOH, or tell her you'll be happy with something low key and local, do that. There is zero reason anyone should have to be coming to you with their money problems. Everyone should be asking for budgets first and foremost before asking for any money whatsoever to be spent. That's how you truly get people to know that you just want them up there on the day of and that their presence is the most important thing.

ShesSoCold · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

banana468 said:

1) IF you're going to reply to a comment please use the quote button. The reply function just doesn't do much and it's hard to follow.

2) I think you may have gone about this a little backwards.
-If you can back out of the reservation now I would.
-Don't plan your own bachelorette.
-Lower your expectations.

If you have a friend who is constantly low on funds that's not going to change for your wedding. Some people just don't have money and others may not be good managing it. Neither of those miraculously change when someone gets married.

At this point I would write to your friends and say, "I think I may have put the cart before the horse. I would love to get together with all of you before the wedding if that works but it doesn't need to be in any place for an extended time. If that means drinks and food out one night maybe that would work better and if it doesn't happen I love you all just the same."

Then I'd leave it alone.

Also remember that just because you're adjusting finances for your wedding does not mean that your friends will nor should they have to.

Oh wow I never noticed this feature lol thanks! To reiterate for probably the third time now, I am not planning my own bach party. Do you girls just skim through the post and only read/interpret the parts you want to?

Anyway my MOH and other bridesmaids are planning it, which I am very grateful for. But, I also never asked for one, everyone else insisted on it and I think it will be very fun. Again if this one bridesmaid doesn't want to the spend the money, more power to her for wanting to save. Like I said I do not know her finances, but when she agrees to paying the deposit for the the trip everyone assumes that she is being honest right? Otherwise decline gracefully. She is being an obstruction in the planning process because she is so wishy washy. By her backing out last minute when everyone is about to pay then that makes one less person who is coming...which means everyone will have to pay extra last minute. I also don't appreciate her telling my mom she doesn't want to spend any money being in the wedding out of the blue (maybe she wants to get her hair done but cant pay for it). I am not asking them to get hair or makeup done bc I can't afford to pay for everyone, but they are free to go on their own if they WANT. I am not asking anything else from her other than being at the wedding up there with me. I would love her to come to the party and be in the wedding, but if she really thinks that I am trying to dictate her money she can just talk to ME and will find out that is not what I am trying to do. If she can make the weekend great, if not then she will be missed.

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

At first I thought you were just young and clueless, but really? You are seriously considering telling one of your best friends that she doesn't mean much to you anymore because she doesn't have enough extra money for a trip? She's broke, so you want to kick her while she's down?

Asking her if she wants to be in the wedding is telling her that the only reason you invited her was for her wallet, and since that isn't up for grabs, you no longer want to honor her. Honestly, if this is even remotely acceptable to you, do her a favor and go ahead and end the friendship now. No one needs a friend like that.

Nope not what I was suggesting AT ALL. You are taking it out of context. She has told my mother that it is too much for her, even though I haven't asked anything of her (of course to be with me on my wedding day). I paid for her dress and dress and will be covering her transportation for the wedding. Apparently she thinks I will be making demands of her and stuff which was not my intention at all. Again.. I did not ask her for any money for the bach party this is just what people are assuming. Me and the other girls are paying for ourselves and if she can't afford it then that is fine, I would lover her there but I understand. I also nevr planned on kicking her out of my wedding party. What I meant to see was should I ask her if she still wants to be in it bc she is not acting like it with all these back handed comments and complaints.

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

I don't know what I did that made everyone jump down my throat, maybe I did not word it correctly. But either way you guys are really feisty huh! Not very helpful feedback.

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

banana468 said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

banana468 said:

1) IF you're going to reply to a comment please use the quote button. The reply function just doesn't do much and it's hard to follow.

2) I think you may have gone about this a little backwards.
-If you can back out of the reservation now I would.
-Don't plan your own bachelorette.
-Lower your expectations.

If you have a friend who is constantly low on funds that's not going to change for your wedding. Some people just don't have money and others may not be good managing it. Neither of those miraculously change when someone gets married.

At this point I would write to your friends and say, "I think I may have put the cart before the horse. I would love to get together with all of you before the wedding if that works but it doesn't need to be in any place for an extended time. If that means drinks and food out one night maybe that would work better and if it doesn't happen I love you all just the same."

Then I'd leave it alone.

Also remember that just because you're adjusting finances for your wedding does not mean that your friends will nor should they have to.

Oh wow I never noticed this feature lol thanks! To reiterate for probably the third time now, I am not planning my own bach party. Do you girls just skim through the post and only read/interpret the parts you want to?

Anyway my MOH and other bridesmaids are planning it, which I am very grateful for. But, I also never asked for one, everyone else insisted on it and I think it will be very fun. Again if this one bridesmaid doesn't want to the spend the money, more power to her for wanting to save. Like I said I do not know her finances, but when she agrees to paying the deposit for the the trip everyone assumes that she is being honest right? Otherwise decline gracefully. She is being an obstruction in the planning process because she is so wishy washy. By her backing out last minute when everyone is about to pay then that makes one less person who is coming...which means everyone will have to pay extra last minute. I also don't appreciate her telling my mom she doesn't want to spend any money being in the wedding out of the blue (maybe she wants to get her hair done but cant pay for it). I am not asking them to get hair or makeup done bc I can't afford to pay for everyone, but they are free to go on their own if they WANT. I am not asking anything else from her other than being at the wedding up there with me. I would love her to come to the party and be in the wedding, but if she really thinks that I am trying to dictate her money she can just talk to ME and will find out that is not what I am trying to do. If she can make the weekend great, if not then she will be missed.

OK - your first post is what I started to respond to because it was written in the 1st person and had serious implications that you were planning your bachelorette.

Remove yourself from the planning. If your MOH is taking the bull by the horns the tell her that time with your WP is more important than how it happens and you'd rather have time that's within the budget of the people involved. Then maybe SHE can say that rather than book now, those who want to attend can advise what their budgets are (privately to her) and they can say if they'd prefer a weekend or a night out.

THEN, based on the budgets available and guest list preferences she can make plans.

If there's one person who is consistently wishy washy on commitment and that's a pattern of behavior that has nothing to do with your wedding and everything to do with her personality then don't push her. Plan without her, lower your expectations and if she does show up it's a nice surprise.

I dont know what you mean by if she does show up its a nice surprise. I am planning a wedding not a birthday party at chuckie cheese. I am not going to be wondering on my wedding day hmmm I wonder if she will make it today? I got this extra bouquet of flowers JUST IN CASE she decides she wants to be in the wedding, (but no pressure, I should be honoring her).

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Alright, so, you obviously had a problem, which is why you came here. And now, rather than listen to us, you're getting quite defensive and acting like we are the problem. If 38 people see something one way and you alone see it the other way, do you really honestly think those 38 people are wrong?

What, exactly, are you looking for from us? Validation to pretend to be a princess?

No that is not the case at all. I think people are just misunderstanding the whole situation. Sorry I am not a pro at forums. Everyone is assuming I am the one planning the bach party when I could care less. I did not ask my friend for anything, my MOH is planning it so she is the one who told her how much it will be. Validation to be a princess? Im sorry I dont know what you mean there. I am not trying to be a brat and I am asking for advice but it is frustrating when one person assumes one thing that is not true and then evertone else runs with it. It is like a game of telephone on here

Quoting JIC. OP loves an edit.

banana468 · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

banana468 said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

banana468 said:

1) IF you're going to reply to a comment please use the quote button. The reply function just doesn't do much and it's hard to follow.

2) I think you may have gone about this a little backwards.
-If you can back out of the reservation now I would.
-Don't plan your own bachelorette.
-Lower your expectations.

If you have a friend who is constantly low on funds that's not going to change for your wedding. Some people just don't have money and others may not be good managing it. Neither of those miraculously change when someone gets married.

At this point I would write to your friends and say, "I think I may have put the cart before the horse. I would love to get together with all of you before the wedding if that works but it doesn't need to be in any place for an extended time. If that means drinks and food out one night maybe that would work better and if it doesn't happen I love you all just the same."

Then I'd leave it alone.

Also remember that just because you're adjusting finances for your wedding does not mean that your friends will nor should they have to.

Oh wow I never noticed this feature lol thanks! To reiterate for probably the third time now, I am not planning my own bach party. Do you girls just skim through the post and only read/interpret the parts you want to?

Anyway my MOH and other bridesmaids are planning it, which I am very grateful for. But, I also never asked for one, everyone else insisted on it and I think it will be very fun. Again if this one bridesmaid doesn't want to the spend the money, more power to her for wanting to save. Like I said I do not know her finances, but when she agrees to paying the deposit for the the trip everyone assumes that she is being honest right? Otherwise decline gracefully. She is being an obstruction in the planning process because she is so wishy washy. By her backing out last minute when everyone is about to pay then that makes one less person who is coming...which means everyone will have to pay extra last minute. I also don't appreciate her telling my mom she doesn't want to spend any money being in the wedding out of the blue (maybe she wants to get her hair done but cant pay for it). I am not asking them to get hair or makeup done bc I can't afford to pay for everyone, but they are free to go on their own if they WANT. I am not asking anything else from her other than being at the wedding up there with me. I would love her to come to the party and be in the wedding, but if she really thinks that I am trying to dictate her money she can just talk to ME and will find out that is not what I am trying to do. If she can make the weekend great, if not then she will be missed.

OK - your first post is what I started to respond to because it was written in the 1st person and had serious implications that you were planning your bachelorette.

Remove yourself from the planning. If your MOH is taking the bull by the horns the tell her that time with your WP is more important than how it happens and you'd rather have time that's within the budget of the people involved. Then maybe SHE can say that rather than book now, those who want to attend can advise what their budgets are (privately to her) and they can say if they'd prefer a weekend or a night out.

THEN, based on the budgets available and guest list preferences she can make plans.

If there's one person who is consistently wishy washy on commitment and that's a pattern of behavior that has nothing to do with your wedding and everything to do with her personality then don't push her. Plan without her, lower your expectations and if she does show up it's a nice surprise.

I dont know what you mean by if she does show up its a nice surprise. I am planning a wedding not a birthday party at chuckie cheese. I am not going to be wondering on my wedding day hmmm I wonder if she will make it today? I got this extra bouquet of flowers JUST IN CASE she decides she wants to be in the wedding, (but no pressure, I should be honoring her).

Showing up to the bachelorette is a nice surprise. If she can't commit to the bachelorette then plan that she won't be there.

If she said she's going to be in your wedding then take her at her word.

If she hasn't committed to ANYTHING then don't ask her to step aside but tell her the magic cutoff time. Tell her that if she's not going to be in the wedding you need an answer by X (day before you owe caterer, florist, etc) an answer. It's fine to tell her that.

My answer above simply meant that if your MOH is trying to get answers out of 6 friends and 1 of them simply won't say what she can do for a weekend then plan that bachelorette night/weekend without her. Then if she CAN make it great. Hopefully your bachelorette doesn't involve some kind of activity where an additional person attending throws things off kilter.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

ShesSoCold said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

Please re-read your OP, especially the bolded.

We're not assuming anything. You're telling us these things, then contradicting yourself and saying you didn't.

Words have meanings. We can't read your mind, just what you type.

Im sorry if I am not being clear. I did not say I want to kick her out, I just want know if she truly wants to be in the wedding. I dont think there is anything wrong with an honest conversation. I wold never be so cruel to kick somebody out of my wedding. It is her choice if she wants to be in it and I am not going to force her if she is uncomfortable,

ShesSoCold · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

Please re-read your OP, especially the bolded.

We're not assuming anything. You're telling us these things, then contradicting yourself and saying you didn't.

Words have meanings. We can't read your mind, just what you type.

Im sorry if I am not being clear. I did not say I want to kick her out, I just want know if she truly wants to be in the wedding. I dont think there is anything wrong with an honest conversation. I wold never be so cruel to kick somebody out of my wedding. It is her choice if she wants to be in it and I am not going to force her if she is uncomfortable,

And how in the hell are we supposed to know this?

flantastic · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

Please re-read your OP, especially the bolded.

We're not assuming anything. You're telling us these things, then contradicting yourself and saying you didn't.

Words have meanings. We can't read your mind, just what you type.

Im sorry if I am not being clear. I did not say I want to kick her out, I just want know if she truly wants to be in the wedding. I dont think there is anything wrong with an honest conversation. I wold never be so cruel to kick somebody out of my wedding. It is her choice if she wants to be in it and I am not going to force her if she is uncomfortable,

See, though, what's required to be in the wedding? If all it is = getting a dress in a budget that's comfortable for her and showing up in it, why would that be a question?

She wants to be in the wedding if there aren't various, expensive strings attached, but someone is making her feel like there are those strings. Who is making her uncomfortable?

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

I cant write every single detail in the OP. I am sorry, I just wanted to get some insight and I am quite ashamed of myself right now. Im not very good at explaining situations I guess. I wish I never posted this in the first place bc it is only making matters worse

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

flantastic said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

Please re-read your OP, especially the bolded.

We're not assuming anything. You're telling us these things, then contradicting yourself and saying you didn't.

Words have meanings. We can't read your mind, just what you type.

Im sorry if I am not being clear. I did not say I want to kick her out, I just want know if she truly wants to be in the wedding. I dont think there is anything wrong with an honest conversation. I wold never be so cruel to kick somebody out of my wedding. It is her choice if she wants to be in it and I am not going to force her if she is uncomfortable,

See, though, what's required to be in the wedding? If all it is = getting a dress in a budget that's comfortable for her and showing up in it, why would that be a question?

She wants to be in the wedding if there aren't various, expensive strings attached, but someone is making her feel like there are those strings. Who is making her uncomfortable?

I dont think anybody made her feel uncomftable. The way some people do weddings that are over the top and extra she probabaly thought this wold be no different. But it isnt at all, she is just assuming and dropping subtle hints whenever she gets the chance to. I would think she knows me well enough I wouldnt ask much of her, but I guess not. The thing is she is not communicated it to ME directly and it is very akward if I am the one to bring it up. If she has concerns I want her to come to me not cry about it to other peple esecially my MOM. It was rude for her to put my mother in that position and I am uncomfortable with her being in the wedding if she is not happy.

knottiea80c13881918e885 · February 2019

banana468 said:

Also, keep in mind that by having your wedding on 4th of July weekend it could also be asking a lot now that your WP may be in a new year looking at the cost for travel for two weekends in a short time span. That's a lot to hit a bank account and it sounds like $100 doesn't cover anything other than sleeping. That can still be a hit to funds if people are going to need multiple nights in a hotel just a few weeks later and if they're going to be expecting to do other activities.

Lol wait how did you know that my wedding was that weekend, is it in my profile or something? As far as traveling that weekend there will be no long traveling, we all live within 20 minutes of each other and the venue. My family is covering the transporation the day of the wedding

ei34 · February 2019

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

flantastic said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottiea80c13881918e885 said:

Wedding party and I were planning on a weekend in the Poconos in June. Now a few people already dropped out when it came to making down payment, but that is whatever I am not butt hurt about that. So we found another place cheaper since less people will be in attendance. Money seems to be an issue for everyone which I get, but it will cost about 100 per person for the house for whole weekend. A few people that said they are still coming are telling other people close to me that they don't want to spend the money and are thinking of also backing out. Now one of the girls is one of my bridesmaid who has been complaining about money since day one, if I would have known that I wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. I really feel like a burden on these people want to just cancel the bach weekend all together because it seems I am asking to much. IMOH, I don't think I am. I am not going to assume everyone finances, but I am paying the same price as everyone else for the whole weekend plus I am paying for my own wedding with FH. I am a broke student, but if I make a commitment to something I will put money aside each week and save up. They have had months to decide what they want and now everyone seems to be hesitant. I didn't really expect this and easy completely blind sided since everyone wanted to go and said they were in. Should I just say I do not want a bach party anymore and relive everyone? It takes the fun out of it honestly when people are dragging their feet. As far as the bridesmaid that is very broke or cheap, should I ask her if she wants to be in the wedding still? Maybe she doesn't want to be in it anymore bc she told me mom how broke she was or at least hinted it. My thing is do't agree to something you are not going to commit to, just be honest in the beginning.

Please re-read your OP, especially the bolded.

We're not assuming anything. You're telling us these things, then contradicting yourself and saying you didn't.

Words have meanings. We can't read your mind, just what you type.

Im sorry if I am not being clear. I did not say I want to kick her out, I just want know if she truly wants to be in the wedding. I dont think there is anything wrong with an honest conversation. I wold never be so cruel to kick somebody out of my wedding. It is her choice if she wants to be in it and I am not going to force her if she is uncomfortable,

See, though, what's required to be in the wedding? If all it is = getting a dress in a budget that's comfortable for her and showing up in it, why would that be a question?

She wants to be in the wedding if there aren't various, expensive strings attached, but someone is making her feel like there are those strings. Who is making her uncomfortable?

I dont think anybody made her feel uncomftable. The way some people do weddings that are over the top and extra she probabaly thought this wold be no different. But it isnt at all, she is just assuming and dropping subtle hints whenever she gets the chance to. I would think she knows me well enough I wouldnt ask much of her, but I guess not. The thing is she is not communicated it to ME directly and it is very akward if I am the one to bring it up. If she has concerns I want her to come to me not cry about it to other peple esecially my MOM. It was rude for her to put my mother in that position and I am uncomfortable with her being in the wedding if she is not happy.

Maybe she told your mom knowing it’d get to you? It’s time to be direct. Tell your friend that she means a lot to you and you want her by your side no matter what. Being a BM doesn’t have to cost a thing, if you let her wear a dress she already owns. Even if you’d previously done the right thing as far as dresses (asked each BM for their dress budget privately and picked a dress under the lowest one) circumstances change. Maybe she can no longer afford the dress. Maybe some of the BP guests originally said they could pay for the Poconos weekend, and now they can’t. If it means a lot up you that as many friends as possible attend your BP, ask your MOH or whoever is planning it to cancel the destination and do dinner/drinks locally. That’s what my own BP was and it’s also what I plan each time I’m at the helm.

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