Hi everyone!
I've been mulling
this situation over for a long time and I thought I may as well ask
the experts. This is a very difficult and personal issue, but I'm
hoping someone has been in a similar situation and might have advice.
I'm trying to give as much context as I can, so I apologize that this
is so long.
My older sister is a
wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful person. She is one of my
bridesmaids and I am so excited to have her with me as I get married.
However, I'm afraid we will encounter a problem at the reception. We
are having a wedding of about 100 people, at a city park, and the
reception will be in a log cabin-type lodge there. Our biggest hope
is that people are comfortable and happy and enjoying themselves.
Last summer, my
sister ended a relationship she had been in for approximately seven
years. Obviously, this was devastating for her, and she struggled to
adapt to a different life afterwards. She moved back in with our
parents, and gradually began neglecting her health and withdrawing.
She quit her job, and withdrew from her Master's program and the teaching assistant position she was going to start in the fall. She lost her health insurance and it was a struggle to try to get her the health care she needed related to chronic ailments.
My sister had always been a complete teetotaler. My family is mostly wine drinkers, and she always abstained. In the past seven or eight months, she has become completely dependent on alcohol, and I am terrified for her health.
We have had to bring her to the ER many times after finding her semi-conscious and sometimes bleeding from injuries she had given herself. My parents tried to lock any alcohol in the house in their closet, and one day she found a hatchet in the garage and spent a couple hours trying to hack through the door, and the police were brought out. When my parents eliminated any alcohol from their house, she found rubbing alcohol and drank that until she was unconscious, and back to the hospital. I'm a registered nurse with a background in psychology and I still don't know how to help her. She can become violent when she drinks and, unfortunately, often loses control of her bowels and bladder.
Obviously, the upcoming wedding (August) is not much of a concern in her life right now, nor would I expect it to be. The first priority is her health, and unfortunately, nothing will change until she decides she wants to change.
This does, however, raise the question of alcohol at the wedding. As I mentioned, we are wine drinkers and many of our guests enjoy beer. We are trying hard to host well and also are on a fairly tight budget, so our initial plan was a self-serve bar (I know this is often frowned upon) with only wine and beer. It's become apparent that this is not a safe option any longer. So we are now stuck with the dilemma of having a bartender versus a dry wedding.
It wouldn't be the end of the world to forgo alcohol, but I'm worried that I might harbor resentment if I'm unable to have a champagne toast because one person would be in danger from significantly over-drinking. My other concern is that if we go with having a bartender, which we could try to save up for, would it then be the bartender's role to prevent her from drinking or over drinking? I worry that this is completely unfair to ask of a vendor, because if she is denied alcohol when she wants it, she is very unpredictable.
I'm worried that I'm being selfish with this issue in hoping that a bartender would be sufficient. I'm worried that if there is any alcohol, she will become violent, potentially dangerous, and may significantly endanger her health. I don't want her experience of the wedding (or anyone's, for that matter) to end with her in an ambulance and us needing to go to the ER to try to support her. Before, we never even considered having a dry wedding, and even though I know it would still be a lovely evening, I think I would be a bit disappointed--and again, I don't want to resent her. I know she's ill and is not intentionally being hurtful. I know also that she is an adult and I am not responsible for her choices, but still, I'm worried.
I'm sorry for going on so long, I just wanted to shed a bit of light on the severity of her behavior. Has anyone had experience with having a volatile alcoholic at a wedding? Did you have a dry wedding to avoid issues, or have you had experience with a bartender handling such a situation? I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you!
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