Mother of the Bride

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

My FMIL got her dress. It is a very pretty purple dress. My mother found a dress she really loves and it also happens to be purple. My mom will not wear that dress though because my FMIL is wearing purple and she feels they would look like sisters if they wore the same color. They look nothing alike and the dresses look nothing alike. My wedding is black tie and my mom wants to wear a skirt and button down combination that does not fit the formality. Do you think I should bring up that I would prefer she wear something else since it is not as formal as it should be.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/ih/q680c4utoca4.jpg

Mother of the groom's dress

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/f0/1p7t5pemi8sb.jpeg

Purple dress my mother likes, but won't wear

Outfit similar to what my mom already owns and wants to wear, but I don't think is considered black tie formal

flantastic · March 2019

Encourage her to wear what she likes and originally wanted. Sisters aren't usually identified by wearing the same color. Tell her to worry 0% about your MIL's outfit (or anyone else's), and wear what makes sense for her body and the event she's going to.

That said, if you can't convince her, don't essentially say "I really wish you would dress up more." Tell her to wear what she's comfortable in.

climbingsingle · March 2019

My mom and MIL both wore black dresses to my wedding. There was no issue with them wearing the same color. Encourage your mom to wear the purple dress.

I agree that outfit will look very out of place at a black tie event.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

climbingwife said:

My mom and MIL both wore black dresses to my wedding. There was no issue with them wearing the same color. Encourage your mom to wear the purple dress.

I agree that outfit will look very out of place at a black tie event.

I don't think it is an issue either, but she made a comment before either went shopping that she didn't want to wear the same color as my MIL so in her mind it is an issue. And that's what I am saying. If it was something I just didn't like, but it fit in with black tie I wouldn't say anything.

charlotte989875 · March 2019

I think the purple dress is lovely and that no one would consider them sisters because the dress color is similar. Also, so what if people do think they’re related? I guess I just don’t see why that’s a big deal.

But if your mom decides to wear the separates then let it be. She presumably knows your wedding is formal, and this is what she is choosing to wear.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

charlotte989875 said:

I think the purple dress is lovely and that no one would consider them sisters because the dress color is similar. Also, so what if people do think they’re related? I guess I just don’t see why that’s a big deal.

But if your mom decides to wear the separates then let it be. She presumably knows your wedding is formal, and this is what she is choosing to wear.

She has never liked people wearing matching stuff. When my sister and I went shopping with my mom and my brother's fiance for his wedding, we tried on identical dresses because the bride wanted us in the same dress and my mom burst out laughing the first time because we were in the same out.

My mom knows my wedding is formal and she knows how fancy my venue is since both moms went with us when we were looking at venues. I feel like she is now just being spiteful because I think she expects me to tell my MIL to wear a different dress in a different color which isn't going to happen.

climbingsingle · March 2019

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

charlotte989875 said:

I think the purple dress is lovely and that no one would consider them sisters because the dress color is similar. Also, so what if people do think they’re related? I guess I just don’t see why that’s a big deal.

But if your mom decides to wear the separates then let it be. She presumably knows your wedding is formal, and this is what she is choosing to wear.

She has never liked people wearing matching stuff. When my sister and I went shopping with my mom and my brother's fiance for his wedding, we tried on identical dresses because the bride wanted us in the same dress and my mom burst out laughing the first time because we were in the same out.

My mom knows my wedding is formal and she knows how fancy my venue is since both moms went with us when we were looking at venues. I feel like she is now just being spiteful because I think she expects me to tell my MIL to wear a different dress in a different color which isn't going to happen.

Well, if that's the case, I'd tell her to wear whatever she wants, and I'd drop it.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

flantastic said:

Encourage her to wear what she likes and originally wanted. Sisters aren't usually identified by wearing the same color. Tell her to worry 0% about your MIL's outfit (or anyone else's), and wear what makes sense for her body and the event she's going to.

That said, if you can't convince her, don't essentially say "I really wish you would dress up more." Tell her to wear what she's comfortable in.

I know sisters aren't usually identified by wearing the same color. In her mind, she worries what others will think which I think is ironic considering she is willing to wear a dress that isn't black tie to a black tie wedding and she doesn't expect me to think that's odd.

flantastic · March 2019

Can you help her find that dress or one like it in a different color? If she really likes the purple dress, is it because it's purple or mainly because of the style? If she's really that concerned about color (and as you implied in your other thread, money's probably not a big object), can you help her find something similar in blue?

flantastic · March 2019

https://www.macys.com/shop/product/alex-evenings-sequined-lace-gown?ID=885097&CategoryID=74600

ETA - JK I was thinking the top dress was your mom's but that's your MIL's.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

flantastic said:

https://www.macys.com/shop/product/alex-evenings-sequined-lace-gown?ID=885097&CategoryID=74600

ETA - JK I was thinking the top dress was your mom's but that's your MIL's.

The dress comes in inky black, but she doesn't like that color. There is also one that is very similar and she says the arms would make her feel like a fairy and the color would make her look naked. Here are pictures of both. She likes the style of the dress. She told me she isn't willing to wear black, blue, purple or pink which a lot of mother of the bride dresses are those colors. She wants something that has a back like the purple dress.

Image result for Adrianna Papell Womens Plus-Size Three-Quarter Sleeve Ruched Gown

Image result for Adrianna Papell Womens Plus-Size Three-Quarter Sleeve Ruched Gown

climbingsingle · March 2019

What about a silver or grey dress?

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

climbingwife said:

What about a silver or grey dress?

She likes both silver and grey, but she doesn't seem willing to wear anything else unless it is the same design as the purple dress. I have searched for hours for a dress similar to the purple dress. She likes the gray dress below, but she doesn't like the sleeves. She would want longer sleeves and there is no way to make the sleeves longer because they are lace. Originally both moms wanted to wear silver/grey and my mom made the comment then that she did not want to wear the same color dress as my MIL. When my MIL and I went shopping for her dress (my mom was supposed to go too, but she canceled last minute) I tried steering my MIL away from silver/grey because I knew mom wanted to wear silver/gray so when she picked the purple dress I thought my mom would be happy because she could wear silver/grey since my MIL wasn't.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/2g/gykzr7gdekbs.jpg

flantastic · March 2019

I think at this point you let Jesus take the wheel. "Mom, I'll be glad to have you in whatever you find that you want to wear."

flantastic · March 2019

https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/la-femme-lace-net-ruched-twist-front-gown/4598587

Personally, I'd rather match the MOG than spend this kind of money on a dress, but maybe your mom would like this one?

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

flantastic said:

I think at this point you let Jesus take the wheel. "Mom, I'll be glad to have you in whatever you find that you want to wear."

I'm hoping my dad can talk some sense in to her because when his response to the outfit she picked out was you plan on wearing that and he's no fashion police, but I think he realizes that outfit isn't appropriate.

ei34 · March 2019

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

climbingwife said:

What about a silver or grey dress?

She likes both silver and grey, but she doesn't seem willing to wear anything else unless it is the same design as the purple dress. I have searched for hours for a dress similar to the purple dress. She likes the gray dress below, but she doesn't like the sleeves. She would want longer sleeves and there is no way to make the sleeves longer because they are lace. Originally both moms wanted to wear silver/grey and my mom made the comment then that she did not want to wear the same color dress as my MIL. When my MIL and I went shopping for her dress (my mom was supposed to go too, but she canceled last minute) I tried steering my MIL away from silver/grey because I knew mom wanted to wear silver/gray so when she picked the purple dress I thought my mom would be happy because she could wear silver/grey since my MIL wasn't.

Do you have a link for this dress? I actually really like it (I’m a BM in a wear-whatever-dress-you-want wedding this June

)

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

eileenrob said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

climbingwife said:

What about a silver or grey dress?

She likes both silver and grey, but she doesn't seem willing to wear anything else unless it is the same design as the purple dress. I have searched for hours for a dress similar to the purple dress. She likes the gray dress below, but she doesn't like the sleeves. She would want longer sleeves and there is no way to make the sleeves longer because they are lace. Originally both moms wanted to wear silver/grey and my mom made the comment then that she did not want to wear the same color dress as my MIL. When my MIL and I went shopping for her dress (my mom was supposed to go too, but she canceled last minute) I tried steering my MIL away from silver/grey because I knew mom wanted to wear silver/gray so when she picked the purple dress I thought my mom would be happy because she could wear silver/grey since my MIL wasn't.

Do you have a link for this dress? I actually really like it (I’m a BM in a wear-whatever-dress-you-want wedding this June )

They have the dress at multiple places. I included the links for the two places I saw it. I think they also have it on Amazon.

https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_gathered-jersey-dress-with-scalloped-lace-bodice-a18436_all-dresses

https://www.macys.com/shop/product/betsy-adam-plus-size-sequined-lace-ruched-gown?ID=6593563&CategoryID=5449&RVI=Search_2&tdp=cm_choiceId~z6593563~xcm_pos~zPos2

short+sassy · March 2019

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

charlotte989875 said:

I think the purple dress is lovely and that no one would consider them sisters because the dress color is similar. Also, so what if people do think they’re related? I guess I just don’t see why that’s a big deal.

But if your mom decides to wear the separates then let it be. She presumably knows your wedding is formal, and this is what she is choosing to wear.

She has never liked people wearing matching stuff. When my sister and I went shopping with my mom and my brother's fiance for his wedding, we tried on identical dresses because the bride wanted us in the same dress and my mom burst out laughing the first time because we were in the same out.

My mom knows my wedding is formal and she knows how fancy my venue is since both moms went with us when we were looking at venues. I feel like she is now just being spiteful because I think she expects me to tell my MIL to wear a different dress in a different color which isn't going to happen.

I don't think the dresses match at all, they're just similar (but not the same) shades of purple. But I know I'm preaching to the choir, lol.

I agree the outfit she is now planning to wear is not formal enough for a black tie event, but it's a victimless crime. She knows your all's wedding is black tie, so that's on her if she ends up feeling underdressed.

Whether she is purposely being spiteful or not, don't rise to the bait. I'd let it go and just keep rinsing and repeating statements like "wear whatever makes you comfortable".

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

short+sassy said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

charlotte989875 said:

I think the purple dress is lovely and that no one would consider them sisters because the dress color is similar. Also, so what if people do think they’re related? I guess I just don’t see why that’s a big deal.

But if your mom decides to wear the separates then let it be. She presumably knows your wedding is formal, and this is what she is choosing to wear.

She has never liked people wearing matching stuff. When my sister and I went shopping with my mom and my brother's fiance for his wedding, we tried on identical dresses because the bride wanted us in the same dress and my mom burst out laughing the first time because we were in the same out.

My mom knows my wedding is formal and she knows how fancy my venue is since both moms went with us when we were looking at venues. I feel like she is now just being spiteful because I think she expects me to tell my MIL to wear a different dress in a different color which isn't going to happen.

I don't think the dresses match at all, they're just similar (but not the same) shades of purple. But I know I'm preaching to the choir, lol.

I agree the outfit she is now planning to wear is not formal enough for a black tie event, but it's a victimless crime. She knows your all's wedding is black tie, so that's on her if she ends up feeling underdressed.

Whether she is purposely being spiteful or not, don't rise to the bait. I'd let it go and just keep rinsing and repeating statements like "wear whatever makes you comfortable".

I found the dress in blue and green as well, but she asked if I could find it in grey or silver. I don't think they made it in either one. I recommended reaching out to the designer to see if we could custom order it in silver or grey.

flantastic · March 2019

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

short+sassy said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

charlotte989875 said:

I think the purple dress is lovely and that no one would consider them sisters because the dress color is similar. Also, so what if people do think they’re related? I guess I just don’t see why that’s a big deal.

But if your mom decides to wear the separates then let it be. She presumably knows your wedding is formal, and this is what she is choosing to wear.

She has never liked people wearing matching stuff. When my sister and I went shopping with my mom and my brother's fiance for his wedding, we tried on identical dresses because the bride wanted us in the same dress and my mom burst out laughing the first time because we were in the same out.

My mom knows my wedding is formal and she knows how fancy my venue is since both moms went with us when we were looking at venues. I feel like she is now just being spiteful because I think she expects me to tell my MIL to wear a different dress in a different color which isn't going to happen.

I don't think the dresses match at all, they're just similar (but not the same) shades of purple. But I know I'm preaching to the choir, lol.

I agree the outfit she is now planning to wear is not formal enough for a black tie event, but it's a victimless crime. She knows your all's wedding is black tie, so that's on her if she ends up feeling underdressed.

Whether she is purposely being spiteful or not, don't rise to the bait. I'd let it go and just keep rinsing and repeating statements like "wear whatever makes you comfortable".

I found the dress in blue and green as well, but she asked if I could find it in grey or silver. I don't think they made it in either one. I recommended reaching out to the designer to see if we could custom order it in silver or grey.

Image: https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/737/jesustakewheel.jpg

climbingsingle · March 2019

I think your mom is being impossible, honestly. Again, I'd tell her to pick out whatever, and just not be involved.

ShesSoCold · March 2019

Clearly you need to invent a new color.

Seriously it sounds like mom is being a pain in the ass just for the sake of being a pain in the ass. She won't wear 1,000 different appropriate dressed but she is willing to wear the one inappropriate thing she's got? Fine. G'head.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

ShesSoCold said:

Clearly you need to invent a new color.

Seriously it sounds like mom is being a pain in the ass just for the sake of being a pain in the ass. She won't wear 1,000 different appropriate dressed but she is willing to wear the one inappropriate thing she's got? Fine. G'head.

She is and no matter what color she picks someone will undoubtedly wear the same color. She is bitching about my brother's wedding because the mother of the bride got a dress that is similar to hers and she doesn't want to wear that dress either, but their wedding is 18 days away so she doesn't have a choice.

charlotte989875 · March 2019

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Clearly you need to invent a new color.

Seriously it sounds like mom is being a pain in the ass just for the sake of being a pain in the ass. She won't wear 1,000 different appropriate dressed but she is willing to wear the one inappropriate thing she's got? Fine. G'head.

She is and no matter what color she picks someone will undoubtedly wear the same color. She is bitching about my brother's wedding because the mother of the bride got a dress that is similar to hers and she doesn't want to wear that dress either, but their wedding is 18 days away so she doesn't have a choice.

Can she wear that dress to your wedding and the purple dress to his wedding?

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

charlotte989875 said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Clearly you need to invent a new color.

Seriously it sounds like mom is being a pain in the ass just for the sake of being a pain in the ass. She won't wear 1,000 different appropriate dressed but she is willing to wear the one inappropriate thing she's got? Fine. G'head.

She is and no matter what color she picks someone will undoubtedly wear the same color. She is bitching about my brother's wedding because the mother of the bride got a dress that is similar to hers and she doesn't want to wear that dress either, but their wedding is 18 days away so she doesn't have a choice.

Can she wear that dress to your wedding and the purple dress to his wedding?

It is also purple.

ShesSoCold · March 2019

She could wear this. I’m sure she’d be the only one!

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

ShesSoCold said:

She could wear this. I’m sure she’d be the only one!

Haha I'm sure she would be.

downtondiva · March 2019

Having read through all this, it sounds like your mom isn't going to be happy with anything you suggest and is just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. There's only so much you can do about another adult's behavior or attire, so at this point you may need to let it go. If she wears the skirt and button down and looks out of place or like she doesn't care about the event, it's a reflection on her, not on you.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · March 2019

downtondiva said:

Having read through all this, it sounds like your mom isn't going to be happy with anything you suggest and is just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. There's only so much you can do about another adult's behavior or attire, so at this point you may need to let it go. If she wears the skirt and button down and looks out of place or like she doesn't care about the event, it's a reflection on her, not on you.

Yeah she has been very difficult lately. I asked her last week if she could go with me to one of my wedding dress fittings and instead of being excited and supportive her reaction was I can't that late because it is our busy season for our business. I was hurt because I thought she would love to see me in my dress especially because she bought it.

MobKaz · March 2019

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

downtondiva said:

Having read through all this, it sounds like your mom isn't going to be happy with anything you suggest and is just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. There's only so much you can do about another adult's behavior or attire, so at this point you may need to let it go. If she wears the skirt and button down and looks out of place or like she doesn't care about the event, it's a reflection on her, not on you.

Yeah she has been very difficult lately. I asked her last week if she could go with me to one of my wedding dress fittings and instead of being excited and supportive her reaction was I can't that late because it is our busy season for our business. I was hurt because I thought she would love to see me in my dress especially because she bought it.

This sounds like the issue is anything BUT the dress. Clearly your mom is using this as an outlet for whatever is getting her bowels in an uproar. Depending on your family dynamics, your mom may just have an issue with this milestone in general. For some parents, the marriage of their children feels like their role has or will change, and it's not easy to accept that they are no longer the primary person in the life of their child. It could be a variety of things that these two weddings in her life are causing her to struggle with things you know nothing about?

Let the entire thing go.

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