Mother of the Bride

Re: Mother of the Bride

• knottie22547a37bac55870 member

  

  March 2019

  MobKaz said:

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  downtondiva said:

  Having read through all this, it sounds like your mom isn't going to be happy with anything you suggest and is just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. There's only so much you can do about another adult's behavior or attire, so at this point you may need to let it go. If she wears the skirt and button down and looks out of place or like she doesn't care about the event, it's a reflection on her, not on you.

  Yeah she has been very difficult lately. I asked her last week if she could go with me to one of my wedding dress fittings and instead of being excited and supportive her reaction was I can't that late because it is our busy season for our business. I was hurt because I thought she would love to see me in my dress especially because she bought it. 

  This sounds like the issue is anything BUT the dress.  Clearly your mom is using this as an outlet for whatever is getting her bowels in an uproar.  Depending on your family dynamics, your mom may just have an issue with this milestone in general.  For some parents, the marriage of their children feels like their role has or will change, and it's not easy to accept that they are no longer the primary person in the life of their child.  It could be a variety of things that these two weddings in her life are causing her to struggle with things you know nothing about?
  
  Let the entire thing go.
  

  It is just really hard because my mom is one of my best friends and I hate fighting with her, but she has been extremely hurtful lately. 

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  March 2019

  IMO, time to drop the detail and let her figure it out even if that means a trip on the Thursday before your wedding to David's for something off the rack, she'll have something to wear.  Let her just have some processing time for all things wedding as hard as it may be, the frustration you're experiencing isn't worth your energy, and that's the only energy you have control over.  As for the busy season at work, I get it, DH & I both came from family businesses that our wedding had a tiny little window of when it could be scheduled as not to be in either one's busy season.  That said, you can't fault her for recognizing ahead of time in the schedule that the fitting takes place during that time and won't be able to go with you.  Last second she may be able to break away, but that isn't always the case.  
  
  As for the purple, no one will think they're sisters, if anything the MOG dress is a little "older" for style.  Rationalizing with her isn't going to make this battle a hill to die on given your Mom's present state.  The important detail is that she's there on your wedding day whether she wears a feed sack dress or a proper black tie dress.  

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• knottie22547a37bac55870 member

  

  March 2019

  MesmrEwe said:

  IMO, time to drop the detail and let her figure it out even if that means a trip on the Thursday before your wedding to David's for something off the rack, she'll have something to wear.  Let her just have some processing time for all things wedding as hard as it may be, the frustration you're experiencing isn't worth your energy, and that's the only energy you have control over.  As for the busy season at work, I get it, DH & I both came from family businesses that our wedding had a tiny little window of when it could be scheduled as not to be in either one's busy season.  That said, you can't fault her for recognizing ahead of time in the schedule that the fitting takes place during that time and won't be able to go with you.  Last second she may be able to break away, but that isn't always the case.  
  
  As for the purple, no one will think they're sisters, if anything the MOG dress is a little "older" for style.  Rationalizing with her isn't going to make this battle a hill to die on given your Mom's present state.  The important detail is that she's there on your wedding day whether she wears a feed sack dress or a proper black tie dress.  

  I am thinking whatever was bothering her maybe have passed because she just texted me that after my brother's wedding she is going to go dress shopping for my wedding. 
  
  As for the fitting, it just makes me really sad that she wasn't excited. What makes it hard is that live 3 hours away from her, but the bridal salon requires someone come with me during my last fitting so they can show someone how to bustle the dress and at the beginning my mom was saying she would go to every fitting if I wanted her to. It was definitely a shock that she responded that way. Unfortunately, whoever goes with me is going to have a 3 hour drive down and 3 hour drive back home. All of my friends and family live in Pennsylvania, but I got my dress in Maryland since I live in Maryland. My grandmother said she would come down for the fitting and my mom is welcome to come with her if she can. 

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  March 2019

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  MesmrEwe said:

  IMO, time to drop the detail and let her figure it out even if that means a trip on the Thursday before your wedding to David's for something off the rack, she'll have something to wear.  Let her just have some processing time for all things wedding as hard as it may be, the frustration you're experiencing isn't worth your energy, and that's the only energy you have control over.  As for the busy season at work, I get it, DH & I both came from family businesses that our wedding had a tiny little window of when it could be scheduled as not to be in either one's busy season.  That said, you can't fault her for recognizing ahead of time in the schedule that the fitting takes place during that time and won't be able to go with you.  Last second she may be able to break away, but that isn't always the case.  
  
  As for the purple, no one will think they're sisters, if anything the MOG dress is a little "older" for style.  Rationalizing with her isn't going to make this battle a hill to die on given your Mom's present state.  The important detail is that she's there on your wedding day whether she wears a feed sack dress or a proper black tie dress.  

  I am thinking whatever was bothering her maybe have passed because she just texted me that after my brother's wedding she is going to go dress shopping for my wedding. 
  
  As for the fitting, it just makes me really sad that she wasn't excited. What makes it hard is that live 3 hours away from her, but the bridal salon requires someone come with me during my last fitting so they can show someone how to bustle the dress and at the beginning my mom was saying she would go to every fitting if I wanted her to. It was definitely a shock that she responded that way. Unfortunately, whoever goes with me is going to have a 3 hour drive down and 3 hour drive back home. All of my friends and family live in Pennsylvania, but I got my dress in Maryland since I live in Maryland. My grandmother said she would come down for the fitting and my mom is welcome to come with her if she can. 

  Awesome the shift!  Sometimes a little time is all someone needs!
  
  As for the bolded....  You don't need someone to go with you for the bridal shop to give you your dress (i.e. don't let the store boss you around).  In the era of social media, zoom, facetime, etc. they do not need to be physically present for them to know how to help you with the bustle.  That's asking a lot of someone to go that far away for just learning how they did the bustle which is REALLY not complicated at all and depending on the style of dress, many times you could do it yourself, they're that simple (just know what order to go in (i.e. which spot is first then it's like putting lug nuts on a tire, there's an order and simpler than most people realize!).  and you could even video yourself and play it as they're doing it (which would be preferable anyway!)..  

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2019

  MesmrEwe said:

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  MesmrEwe said:

  IMO, time to drop the detail and let her figure it out even if that means a trip on the Thursday before your wedding to David's for something off the rack, she'll have something to wear.  Let her just have some processing time for all things wedding as hard as it may be, the frustration you're experiencing isn't worth your energy, and that's the only energy you have control over.  As for the busy season at work, I get it, DH & I both came from family businesses that our wedding had a tiny little window of when it could be scheduled as not to be in either one's busy season.  That said, you can't fault her for recognizing ahead of time in the schedule that the fitting takes place during that time and won't be able to go with you.  Last second she may be able to break away, but that isn't always the case.  
  
  As for the purple, no one will think they're sisters, if anything the MOG dress is a little "older" for style.  Rationalizing with her isn't going to make this battle a hill to die on given your Mom's present state.  The important detail is that she's there on your wedding day whether she wears a feed sack dress or a proper black tie dress.  

  I am thinking whatever was bothering her maybe have passed because she just texted me that after my brother's wedding she is going to go dress shopping for my wedding. 
  
  As for the fitting, it just makes me really sad that she wasn't excited. What makes it hard is that live 3 hours away from her, but the bridal salon requires someone come with me during my last fitting so they can show someone how to bustle the dress and at the beginning my mom was saying she would go to every fitting if I wanted her to. It was definitely a shock that she responded that way. Unfortunately, whoever goes with me is going to have a 3 hour drive down and 3 hour drive back home. All of my friends and family live in Pennsylvania, but I got my dress in Maryland since I live in Maryland. My grandmother said she would come down for the fitting and my mom is welcome to come with her if she can. 

  Awesome the shift!  Sometimes a little time is all someone needs!
  
  As for the bolded....  You don't need someone to go with you for the bridal shop to give you your dress (i.e. don't let the store boss you around).  In the era of social media, zoom, facetime, etc. they do not need to be physically present for them to know how to help you with the bustle.  That's asking a lot of someone to go that far away for just learning how they did the bustle which is REALLY not complicated at all and depending on the style of dress, many times you could do it yourself, they're that simple (just know what order to go in (i.e. which spot is first then it's like putting lug nuts on a tire, there's an order and simpler than most people realize!).  and you could even video yourself and play it as they're doing it (which would be preferable anyway!)..  

  There is NO way a bridal salon can mandate that you have someone with you to pick up a dress and/or view the bustle process.  My daughter had a 9 point bustle and we figured it out just fine.  
  
  I second the motion to video tape the process.  You can also have it hung on a hanger and view/experience the process yourself.  A six HOUR road trip is asking for FAR too much!
  

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• ei34 member

  

  March 2019

  One of my sisters (my two sisters were co-MOHs) was with me to watch the bustle and night of, the bridal attendant ended up doing it.  BP job come reception is to eat, drink and party, which was what they were doing when I decided it was time to bustle.  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2019

  My sister in law had my MIL watch the bustle and it was fine until the rehearsal. Then it broke and I rigged it with a hair tie halfway through the party. 
  
  But yeah anyone can can watch it be done, or take a video. 

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  March 2019

  So, I don't mind a long drive. I love a road trip and have no problem with long drives.
  
  My general, personal rule is that I don't spend more time driving that I do doing. So if I'm driving three hours to something and three hours back, I'm going to be spending at least six hours doing whatever it is that I'm doing there. 
  
  Six hours to watch someone button a couple buttons or tie some ribbons is CRAZY. Unless you have the world's most complicated bustle, a video will definitely suffice. 

  
  

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• knottie22547a37bac55870 member

  

  March 2019

  The other reason I really need someone to come with me is because I have to take the dress home and I have no where to put it in our apartment that my fiancé would not see it. We have a one bedroom apartment and share a closet so it isn't like I could just ask him not to go in my closet.  
  

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• flantastic member

  

  March 2019

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  The other reason I really need someone to come with me is because I have to take the dress home and I have no where to put it in our apartment that my fiancé would not see it. We have a one bedroom apartment and share a closet so it isn't like I could just ask him not to go in my closet.  
  

  It comes in a bag. You could ask him not to open the bag.
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2019

  The dress will be in a garment bag. Ask him not to look in it. 

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  March 2019

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  The other reason I really need someone to come with me is because I have to take the dress home and I have no where to put it in our apartment that my fiancé would not see it. We have a one bedroom apartment and share a closet so it isn't like I could just ask him not to go in my closet.  
  

  You couldn't just bring the dress somewhere else for storage? That person must chaperone the dress from shop to closet?

  
  

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• knottie22547a37bac55870 member

  

  March 2019

  ShesSoCold said:

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  The other reason I really need someone to come with me is because I have to take the dress home and I have no where to put it in our apartment that my fiancé would not see it. We have a one bedroom apartment and share a closet so it isn't like I could just ask him not to go in my closet.  
  

  You couldn't just bring the dress somewhere else for storage? That person must chaperone the dress from shop to closet?

  I am not sure where else I could take it and I believe their dress bags are clear. We live out of state from our families and close friends. 
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  March 2019

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  ShesSoCold said:

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  The other reason I really need someone to come with me is because I have to take the dress home and I have no where to put it in our apartment that my fiancé would not see it. We have a one bedroom apartment and share a closet so it isn't like I could just ask him not to go in my closet.  
  

  You couldn't just bring the dress somewhere else for storage? That person must chaperone the dress from shop to closet?

  I am not sure where else I could take it and I believe their dress bags are clear. We live out of state from our families and close friends. 
  

  Then go buy an opaque dress bag. 
  
  Your lack of a dress bag does not make it ok to ask someone to travel that far for your alterations. It just doesn't. 

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2019

  MyNameIsNot said:

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  ShesSoCold said:

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  The other reason I really need someone to come with me is because I have to take the dress home and I have no where to put it in our apartment that my fiancé would not see it. We have a one bedroom apartment and share a closet so it isn't like I could just ask him not to go in my closet.  
  

  You couldn't just bring the dress somewhere else for storage? That person must chaperone the dress from shop to closet?

  I am not sure where else I could take it and I believe their dress bags are clear. We live out of state from our families and close friends. 
  

  Then go buy an opaque dress bag. 
  
  Your lack of a dress bag does not make it ok to ask someone to travel that far for your alterations. It just doesn't. 

  Ditto this. You'd be asking someone to drive a total of 6 hours, and then be responsible for storing your dress? That's not OK. Call the salon and confirm what their dress bags are, and tell them you need a not clear one. 

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• maine7mob member

  

  March 2019

  And if all they have is clear bags,  and you don't want to buy a canvas wedding dress storage bag, you can buy some opaque contractor trash bags and pull the hanger through the bottom of one of these to hide your clear bag. This is a solvable problem.
  
  In any case, most men aren't interested in looking at wedding dresses that don't have the bride actually in them. 

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• redwoodoriginal member

  

  March 2019

  Or hide it under your bed in the bag. I laid mine flat and it was fine. 

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• knottie22547a37bac55870 member

  

  March 2019

  redwoodoriginal said:

  Or hide it under your bed in the bag. I laid mine flat and it was fine. 

  That would work if we had a bed that had an underneath. My fiancé built our bed and it is solid wood. My grandparents plan on coming to visit and my grandmother is going to come with me then we will probably get dinner. 
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2019

   The simplest solution is to explain to your fiancé that he is not to take any peeks at the dress. You’re engaged.  You’re weeks from marrying.  I would think respect of someone’s wishes would be a reasonable expectation. 

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• ei34 member

  

  March 2019

  H and I were living in a one BR apt leading up to our wedding.  I brought my dress home and told him not to look at it.  I’m assuming he listened bc he still had that classic reaction- either that or he looked at is a good actor  seriously though, just tell him not to open the bag.  I wouldn’t want my dress with anyone else, but it’s def not worth making someone travel far.

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