You owe no one your time, money, or talent for their wedding

redwoodoriginal · March 2019

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

We also heavily debated this 13 years ago when one of DH's best friends got married in South America. We looked at the cost for both of us, the time we'd take to get there and then DH realized that in addition to all of that his government employer may have had an issue with his security clearance if he went there. Ultimately we felt bad and I wish we could have been there but it just wasn't the right time.

In all of those time we noped out, it was just a standard invitation.

In this situation, not only was it cost prohibitive from the start but the bride in this situation is heaping on expenses to her guests without their consent.

Someone needs to set Prudie straight here that this was a shit move on the bride's part and not one guest should feel guilty about saying NOPE.

I had to get a secret clearance years ago, when I was working for a defense contractor. The job was after I'd moved to Louisiana, but I needed to list every time I'd left the country for the past 10 years (maybe it was 7). It included when I was in college and 60ish miles from the Mexican border.

Uh, I'd been to Mexico many times in that timeframe, lol. My friends and I sometimes went down for an afternoon of shopping and margaritas. Or out to the clubs on a Fri./Sat. night because the drinking age was only 18. I couldn't possibly tell them all those dates because I didn't know them myself. Though there were four dates I knew for sure because they were related to specific events.

I went to my boss with my dilemma. The conversation went like this:

Him: "Have you been to North Korea or Cuba?"

Me: "No."

Him: "Have you been to China?"

Me: "No."

Him: "Great, then just put the dates you know for Mexico and don't worry about it." Lol.

Yeah - this was Columbia. And DH's Secret clearance may not have cared. But a mutual friend with Top Secret (at the time he couldn't tell you where his physical office was and he didn't have a window in his office space) thought that he was simply going to be turned down if he applied anyway.

Its Colombia.

banana468 · March 2019

redwoodoriginal said:

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

We also heavily debated this 13 years ago when one of DH's best friends got married in South America. We looked at the cost for both of us, the time we'd take to get there and then DH realized that in addition to all of that his government employer may have had an issue with his security clearance if he went there. Ultimately we felt bad and I wish we could have been there but it just wasn't the right time.

In all of those time we noped out, it was just a standard invitation.

In this situation, not only was it cost prohibitive from the start but the bride in this situation is heaping on expenses to her guests without their consent.

Someone needs to set Prudie straight here that this was a shit move on the bride's part and not one guest should feel guilty about saying NOPE.

I had to get a secret clearance years ago, when I was working for a defense contractor. The job was after I'd moved to Louisiana, but I needed to list every time I'd left the country for the past 10 years (maybe it was 7). It included when I was in college and 60ish miles from the Mexican border.

Uh, I'd been to Mexico many times in that timeframe, lol. My friends and I sometimes went down for an afternoon of shopping and margaritas. Or out to the clubs on a Fri./Sat. night because the drinking age was only 18. I couldn't possibly tell them all those dates because I didn't know them myself. Though there were four dates I knew for sure because they were related to specific events.

I went to my boss with my dilemma. The conversation went like this:

Him: "Have you been to North Korea or Cuba?"

Me: "No."

Him: "Have you been to China?"

Me: "No."

Him: "Great, then just put the dates you know for Mexico and don't worry about it." Lol.

Yeah - this was Columbia. And DH's Secret clearance may not have cared. But a mutual friend with Top Secret (at the time he couldn't tell you where his physical office was and he didn't have a window in his office space) thought that he was simply going to be turned down if he applied anyway.

Its Colombia.

Ahh yes. I named the sportswear company. My bad.

coffee-n-rainbows · April 2019

I also agree with honesty. You aren’t lying when you say that you cannot afford the costs associated. You don’t even have to mention the strange by-proxy commitment she made for you on catering/Meal prep. It’s simple and true: you can’t afford to attend. That’s really all she needs to know.

coffee-n-rainbows · April 2019

For $700 per person that hotel/accommodation should provide breakfast and better sleeping arrangements. She could get a decent breakfast catered for much much less.

coffee-n-rainbows · April 2019

I’m doing math every which way and the only thing that comes to mind is that the bride is trying to get her wedding party to pay for something else. I cannot imagine any house rental that costs this much per person.

OurWildKingdom · April 2019

coffee-n-rainbows said:

I’m doing math every which way and the only thing that comes to mind is that the bride is trying to get her wedding party to pay for something else. I cannot imagine any house rental that costs this much per person.

Right? Our old apartment was cheaper than that.

Oh, and welcome!

You owe no one your time, money, or talent for their wedding

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