I'm sorry in advance if this gets long - I just am disheartened and don't really know what to do.
A little backstory - I come from a lower-middle class family in the North East of the US. My parents divorced when I was 11, and my mom raised us with no emotional or financial support from my dad. For years it was my mom, my sister and I working together to get things done. We all were very close. More recently - my younger sister has been engaged since last spring and is getting married in September. I am the maid of honor in her wedding, and am very excited for her. Her wedding is going to be at the renaissance faire, and she has been very mindful of her budget, which is awesome. I'm happy that she's chosen something that will make her happy, and is reflective of her hobbies and interests. I've been supportive of her all along, and just want her to have a wonderful wedding day. I've offered to help her with things, I've been planning pre-wedding events for her, etc.
Well, a few months back, I got engaged to the love of my life. My mom and sister, while they love my FI, were furious, saying that I needed to wait until after my sister's wedding in September to get engaged, and that I'm taking her spotlight. My go-to response was that she was entitled to her wedding day, we're planning for next May, so there will be no overlap in anything. I have no desire to take away my sister's spotlight, but I'm not putting my life on hold for this. After a few days, they seemed to get over it for the most part.
Comments started then about my ring - it's a diamond solitaire, but apparently that makes me an asshole? My sister has made multiple comments about how it's not her taste and diamonds are tacky - she has a gemstone ring, which is also beautiful. I'm not sure why she feels the need to put mine down. My mom has made multiple comments about her thoughts on the cost of the ring and how she feels that it's a waste of money and obviously I don't have my priorities in the right place.
My FMIL asked if she could throw us an engagement party, which we agreed to - and only asked for close family and a few friends to come as a nice way to meet each other. Engagement parties aren't the norm in my family, and now my mom is calling me a priss and an attention whore because of this. I've gotten a number of phone calls from her that she's angry that I'm "expecting presents", even though I've told her multiple times, that this isn't a gift-giving event, it's more of a inter-family get together. We don't care about presents. If people get us presents, that's really nice, but not what we're expecting. She can't get over it, and keeps calling me a spoiled brat (I'm 32, have been self-reliant financially since 17, and this is legit the first time in my life that a party has been thrown for me, so that's a bit of a stretch).
FI and I have been planning our wedding for next May. He's been actively involved in the planning and is very excited. My sister has made comments repeatedly about how her FI isn't involved in planning, because he's a "man's man". My go-to response for this has been, "I'm happy the FI is involved in our planning. It makes things less stressful for me, and it's fun to plan together". I am a professor and work 60+ hours per week during the school year, so having my FI so involved has actually been a huge help. I don't know why she thinks I need to explain his involvement like it's a bad thing.
FI and I are also having a wedding with a budget that is a bit larger. We've both been saving for many years, and his parents have voluntarily kicked in some money towards certain things for minimal input (they want to be aware of what's going on, but do not want to be decision makers. They are wonderful people who are very reasonable, so I'm not concerned, and am very appreciative). My mom and sister have made many comments about how it will be overdone, a huge production, etc. My sister has said multiple times that she thinks I'm trying to outdo her, and that my wedding will be "ridiculous". It's a fairly typical wedding with 120ish guests, and the typical wedding stuff - no expectations for anyone to help, bridal party will be able to pick their own dresses and stuff when we get to that - I've really been trying to keep it fairly low key.
I've stopped all wedding talk with both of them, but they just randomly call me or text me to bitch about this stuff. For instance, my mom called me yesterday to thank me for cooking mother's day dinner, and then spent ten minutes talking about how I'm a terrible person with bad priorities for having a wedding. My sister texted me yesterday pissed about the engagement party being a "gift grab" despite us telling her over and over again not to bring a gift. The negativity is tiring and disappointing. I feel like I'm constantly defending my choices, my future in-laws, my fiance and myself. It's especially difficult because I've always been really close with my mom and sister, and I'm a little caught off guard, and very hurt by their attitudes.
I don't know what advice I need here, but I just felt like I needed to vent. Anyone else have situations like this around their weddings?