Moms and Maids

Getting Ready Day Of - Am I wrong or FMIL wrong?

Hey everyone - my FSIL is my MOH and she and FMIL are insisting that for getting ready before the wedding that we need to invite my FH’s grandmother, godmother, and a friend of FMIL along as well. I’ve nevet met any of them and they don’t speak English. I only wanted my mom/sisters and the bridal party and FMIL there. I don’t want people I don’t know and my family can’t communicate with. Am I being unfair? Thanks everyone.

Re: Getting Ready Day Of - Am I wrong or FMIL wrong?

  • Nope.  It is up to you!

    Is this cultural?  Could you throw a compromise out and meet them after for photos or a pre wedding toast?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2019
    Nope. It is not up to anyone other than yourself who gets ready with you.

    I'd probably not openly disagree with your FSIL or FMIL on this, but not invite them to join you for the actual getting ready if you feel that their presence would be intrusive and/or overly demanding. The "bean dip" technique, in which you respond by changing the subject, would be appropriate here:

    ILs: We have to be with you when you get ready.

    You: This bean dip is really good. Would you like some?

    ILs: Let us know when and where you're getting ready so we can tell everyone.

    You: Have some more chips, they go really well with this bean dip.

    Etc.,etc., until they give up. If they're so dense that they keep at it even then, you may have to say, "No. I do not "owe" anyone the "right" to see me when I an in a state of undress and a nervous, tense mood. It is not a party or bonding time with family and friends. Please consider this a closed subject." If it gets to that point, I'd have someone on hand who can act as a gatekeeper at your actual "getting ready" to keep them away from you.

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Nope, totally up to you. I wouldn't want to get ready with people who are mostly strangers either. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Whether your MOH or not, your FSIL is in the wrong for trying to pressure you into doing something you choose not to do.  If that is a custom or tradition in their family, then suggest they surround your FH during his “getting ready” time as they are HIS relatives.  I would tell FSIL that this is a special time for you, your mom, and that you will be emotional and possibly nervous/frazzled.  You can add that you don’t want to appear aloof or rude by not having time to spend with them, and that there will be a better, calmer time for them all to gather with you.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Getting dressed is so personal. It's up to you who you include. IMO, that is way too many people to share a dressing room/mirror/hairstylists/MU artists. Yikes! 

    Could you all just get mani/pedis together the day before? Bring some wine and cheese and make a nice few hours of it? 
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