Getting Ready Day Of - Am I wrong or FMIL wrong?

Re: Getting Ready Day Of - Am I wrong or FMIL wrong?

• flantastic The Midwest member

  

  May 2019

  knottiecb89f3aae5e7cf5e said:

  Hey everyone - my FSIL is my MOH and she and FMIL are insisting that for getting ready before the wedding that we need to invite my FH’s grandmother, godmother, and a friend of FMIL along as well. I’ve nevet met any of them and they don’t speak English. I only wanted my mom/sisters and the bridal party and FMIL there. I don’t want people I don’t know and my family can’t communicate with. Am I being unfair? Thanks everyone.
  

  Nope. That's a personal time and it's not required that you get ready with anyone at all.
  

  
  

  (That goes both ways - if anyone you invite, bridal party or not, would rather be somewhere else instead of the "getting ready party," that should also be fine.)

  

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• banana468 member

  

  May 2019

  Nope.  It is up to you!
  
  
  
  Is this cultural?  Could you throw a compromise out and meet them after for photos or a pre wedding toast?

  

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• Jen4948 Houston member

  

  May 2019 edited May 2019

  Nope. It is not up to anyone other than yourself who gets ready with you.
  
  I'd probably not openly disagree with your FSIL or FMIL on this, but not invite them to join you for the actual getting ready if you feel that their presence would be intrusive and/or overly demanding. The "bean dip" technique, in which you respond by changing the subject, would be appropriate here:
  
  ILs: We have to be with you when you get ready.
  
  You: This bean dip is really good. Would you like some?
  
  ILs: Let us know when and where you're getting ready so we can tell everyone.
  
  You: Have some more chips, they go really well with this bean dip.
  
  Etc.,etc., until they give up. If they're so dense that they keep at it even then, you may have to say, "No. I do not "owe" anyone the "right" to see me when I an in a state of undress and a nervous, tense mood. It is not a party or bonding time with family and friends. Please consider this a closed subject." If it gets to that point, I'd have someone on hand who can act as a gatekeeper at your actual "getting ready" to keep them away from you.
  
  
  

  

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• climbingwife NYC 'burbs member

  

  May 2019

  Nope, totally up to you. I wouldn't want to get ready with people who are mostly strangers either. 

  
  

  

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• MobKaz Chicago suburbs member

  

  May 2019

  Whether your MOH or not, your FSIL is in the wrong for trying to pressure you into doing something you choose not to do.  If that is a custom or tradition in their family, then suggest they surround your FH during his “getting ready” time as they are HIS relatives.  I would tell FSIL that this is a special time for you, your mom, and that you will be emotional and possibly nervous/frazzled.  You can add that you don’t want to appear aloof or rude by not having time to spend with them, and that there will be a better, calmer time for them all to gather with you.

  

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• MairePoppy Connecticut mod

  

  May 2019

  Getting dressed is so personal. It's up to you who you include. IMO, that is way too many people to share a dressing room/mirror/hairstylists/MU artists. Yikes! 
  
  Could you all just get mani/pedis together the day before? Bring some wine and cheese and make a nice few hours of it? 

                     

  

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