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Wedding Woes

Just use the name?

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Re: Just use the name?

  • Her overall question was good: When is it appropriate to ask a person's pronoun choices? The example she used was poor.  She would only be using the person's name and the universal second person pronoun, you. That was my point. As you stated, when talking to her child, she wouldn't need to say anything but "let Casey do her job" or "let Casey put the milk back in the cart." Not hard to understand at all.

    But asking a relative stranger their pronouns basically says, "you don't fit my idea of masculine or feminine. What are you, really?" and is hurtful and rude. LW doesn't get to use another person as a token to teach her toddler manners and kindness. And this is why her example was poor.


    VarunaTT
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    This seems like a good place to ask this, which I've wondered about after hearing it on the news a week or two ago. Mastercard is going to have a True Name card that would allow someone to use a preferred name on the credit card instead of the legal name (here's one article, I haven't read this specific one all the way: https://www.marketwatch.com/story/mastercard-will-now-allow-transgender-customers-to-use-their-preferred-names-on-debit-and-credit-cards-2019-06-17)

    My mind instantly went to the situations where you are asked to show your ID - if your card name doesn't ask match your ID I could see that being an issue.  Nowadays I know you don't have to show ID as much but I feel like it could be an issue if the names don't match since that could seem like a stolen card or stolen ID. I believe checking ID isn't actually required but I'm sure some places will continue to do so as a "best practice". Am I missing something? It seems like a great idea but I'd hate for someone to be accused of fraud if an ID check was required for the purchase. 
  • kvruns said:
    This seems like a good place to ask this, which I've wondered about after hearing it on the news a week or two ago. Mastercard is going to have a True Name card that would allow someone to use a preferred name on the credit card instead of the legal name (here's one article, I haven't read this specific one all the way: https://www.marketwatch.com/story/mastercard-will-now-allow-transgender-customers-to-use-their-preferred-names-on-debit-and-credit-cards-2019-06-17)

    My mind instantly went to the situations where you are asked to show your ID - if your card name doesn't ask match your ID I could see that being an issue.  Nowadays I know you don't have to show ID as much but I feel like it could be an issue if the names don't match since that could seem like a stolen card or stolen ID. I believe checking ID isn't actually required but I'm sure some places will continue to do so as a "best practice". Am I missing something? It seems like a great idea but I'd hate for someone to be accused of fraud if an ID check was required for the purchase. 
    I think this sounds like a great and sensitive idea on the part of MC.  But it would behoove someone choosing a preferred name that is different than on their ID, to keep the potential problems you mentioned in mind.

    A person could also choose to have their name legally changed to their preference.

    And, yes, sometimes they wouldn't be able to use their credit card for a store/purchase that requires ID with a credit card transaction.  However, I'd think it would be really unlikely a store would be rude or accuse them of fraud.

    I have a lot of experience on this subject, lol.  I've had previous jobs where I'd sometimes run errands for the boss/company with that person's expense credit card.  If I got asked for ID, I'd tell the clerk, "Oh, it's not my card. It's my boss's card.  I'm picking up XYZ for the company."  Cue the employee apologizing that I can't use the card if it isn't mine.  So I'd either pay cash or use my personal 'cc and keep the receipt for my own expense report.  This probably happened over a dozen times at a variety of stores.  No one ever acted rude or suspicious toward me.

    My H has sometimes experienced this also, if he's using a credit card with my name on it and I'm not there.  We don't have the same last name.  He'll tell them it's his wife's card.  They tell him he can't use it because it's not his name on the card.  But they're always nice about it and don't appear to have concerns.  And then he has to pay with an alternative method. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kvruns said:
    This seems like a good place to ask this, which I've wondered about after hearing it on the news a week or two ago. Mastercard is going to have a True Name card that would allow someone to use a preferred name on the credit card instead of the legal name (here's one article, I haven't read this specific one all the way: https://www.marketwatch.com/story/mastercard-will-now-allow-transgender-customers-to-use-their-preferred-names-on-debit-and-credit-cards-2019-06-17)

    My mind instantly went to the situations where you are asked to show your ID - if your card name doesn't ask match your ID I could see that being an issue.  Nowadays I know you don't have to show ID as much but I feel like it could be an issue if the names don't match since that could seem like a stolen card or stolen ID. I believe checking ID isn't actually required but I'm sure some places will continue to do so as a "best practice". Am I missing something? It seems like a great idea but I'd hate for someone to be accused of fraud if an ID check was required for the purchase. 
    FWIW, I use a preferred name, even though I'm cis-gender. (I use my middle name.) BoA allows me to put my middle name as the display name on my debit card. I've never had an issue with it when someone asks for ID, since my last name is the same and my middle initial is on my license. I've found that even people who check ID don't really look that closely; they rarely notice that the first names are different.

    I would assume that a trans person using a preferred name would still use the same last name and, when questioned, could just simply say it's a preferred name without having to go into detail about why it's preferred. (Not to suggest that bigots aren't going to bigot.) If it's a different last, I could see it being a bigger problem. 
    Casadenacharlotte989875kvruns
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    kvruns said:
    This seems like a good place to ask this, which I've wondered about after hearing it on the news a week or two ago. Mastercard is going to have a True Name card that would allow someone to use a preferred name on the credit card instead of the legal name (here's one article, I haven't read this specific one all the way: https://www.marketwatch.com/story/mastercard-will-now-allow-transgender-customers-to-use-their-preferred-names-on-debit-and-credit-cards-2019-06-17)

    My mind instantly went to the situations where you are asked to show your ID - if your card name doesn't ask match your ID I could see that being an issue.  Nowadays I know you don't have to show ID as much but I feel like it could be an issue if the names don't match since that could seem like a stolen card or stolen ID. I believe checking ID isn't actually required but I'm sure some places will continue to do so as a "best practice". Am I missing something? It seems like a great idea but I'd hate for someone to be accused of fraud if an ID check was required for the purchase. 
    FWIW, I use a preferred name, even though I'm cis-gender. (I use my middle name.) BoA allows me to put my middle name as the display name on my debit card. I've never had an issue with it when someone asks for ID, since my last name is the same and my middle initial is on my license. I've found that even people who check ID don't really look that closely; they rarely notice that the first names are different.

    I would assume that a trans person using a preferred name would still use the same last name and, when questioned, could just simply say it's a preferred name without having to go into detail about why it's preferred. (Not to suggest that bigots aren't going to bigot.) If it's a different last, I could see it being a bigger problem. 
    I know two trans women who both chose new last names in addition to their new first names (both chose to use their mothers’ maiden names). That’s the exception rather than the rule though.
    charlotte989875kvruns
  • Is this a thing? I’ve never not once been asked for ID when using a credit or debit card
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Is this a thing? I’ve never not once been asked for ID when using a credit or debit card
    Sometimes it is - I've noticed it isn't done as much anymore. Some people have it marked on their cards for the merchant to check ID. I have two friends that have that. Just another level of security.
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Is this a thing? I’ve never not once been asked for ID when using a credit or debit card
    It depends.   If I forget to sign the card I've been asked.   

    But now that more and more places including higher end retail now don't have you hand your card to the cashier it seems that this is turning into a non-issue.   

    When I worked retail 20 years ago we were told to check for a signature and get an ID if the card was not signed.

    Also: I had to refuse to allow a spouse in a heterosexual marriage to use the AmEx of their spouse because the card is not transferable by agreement with AmEx.   That went over SUPER well.
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