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Might as well post last week's Prudie too.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I recently went out with someone I met via dating app who seemed amazing, but some cursory internet research—a simple Google search—yielded nothing. This person claimed to have professional affiliations that should have shown up if the name they gave was, in fact, their name. I gingerly asked what was up, and the person immediately reacted poorly, saying that my research made them uncomfortable, was a huge red flag, and ended things. For context, this conversation happened after the third date and getting intimate. This person made me feel unreasonable, but I think that it’s because they had something to hide. What say you?

—Googling or Gaslighting
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Re: Might as well post last week's Prudie too.

  • banana468banana468 member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    Person is, at best, married, and at worst a serial killer. 
    Or is a recovering serial killer and is now in the Witness Protection Program.   
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    @mrsconn23, thanks for working double duty for us this week, lol!

    I actually would be a little annoyed/offended if someone had a conversation like this with me.  Not so much because they Google'd me.  But because I don't think it's necessarily unusual for nothing or not much to come up, even with "professional affiliations", and now they're doubting me.

    Last time I Google'd my name, there wasn't much that came up.  My response wouldn't have been as extreme as that guy's, but I probably would have said something snarky, though more joking than mean tone, like, "Okay, that's nice.  How TF should I know?  If I were an expert on SEO and Google's secret algorithms, I would have been a multi-millionaire a long time ago.  Maybe you suck at online research."

    Though, depending on how they said things, I'd be open to discussing whatever their concerns are/reassurances they needed.  But it would put my antenna up to watch out for this guy potentially being distrustful and the "third-degree", jealous type.
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    banana468 said:
    STARMOON44 said:
    Person is, at best, married, and at worst a serial killer. 
    Or is a recovering serial killer and is now in the Witness Protection Program.   
    Former Mob boss/affiliate, now snitch and Witness Protection.
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    short+sassy said:
    @mrsconn23, thanks for working double duty for us this week, lol!

    I actually would be a little annoyed/offended if someone had a conversation like this with me.  Not so much because they Google'd me.  But because I don't think it's necessarily unusual for nothing or not much to come up, even with "professional affiliations", and now they're doubting me.

    Last time I Google'd my name, there wasn't much that came up.  My response wouldn't have been as extreme as that guy's, but I probably would have said something snarky, though more joking than mean tone, like, "Okay, that's nice.  How TF should I know?  If I were an expert on SEO and Google's secret algorithms, I would have been a multi-millionaire a long time ago.  Maybe you suck at online research."

    Though, depending on how they said things, I'd be open to discussing whatever their concerns are/reassurances they needed.  But it would put my antenna up to watch out for this guy potentially being distrustful and the "third-degree", jealous type.

    I never come up when I google myself either.  Did it just now for fun and a VP of something for a lady in her 50s living in Florida came up via LinkedIn, as well as an obituary of a lady in NJ.  And I'm professionally affiliated on the local and state level.  I'd really have to hear LW's tone when they gingerly asked what was up.  If I was told in an accusing way that what I said on a date didn't match up with what's online, I'd be turned off.  Best case scenario, if it was mentioned gingerly, or jokingly, I'd still feel a little defensive.  Just an alternative to LW's former date is crazy/hiding something/not who they say they are and LW dodged a bullet.  (Maybe they did!  But I can't weigh in without hearing the tone.)
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    ei34 said:
    short+sassy said:
    @mrsconn23, thanks for working double duty for us this week, lol!

    I actually would be a little annoyed/offended if someone had a conversation like this with me.  Not so much because they Google'd me.  But because I don't think it's necessarily unusual for nothing or not much to come up, even with "professional affiliations", and now they're doubting me.

    Last time I Google'd my name, there wasn't much that came up.  My response wouldn't have been as extreme as that guy's, but I probably would have said something snarky, though more joking than mean tone, like, "Okay, that's nice.  How TF should I know?  If I were an expert on SEO and Google's secret algorithms, I would have been a multi-millionaire a long time ago.  Maybe you suck at online research."

    Though, depending on how they said things, I'd be open to discussing whatever their concerns are/reassurances they needed.  But it would put my antenna up to watch out for this guy potentially being distrustful and the "third-degree", jealous type.

    I never come up when I google myself either.  Did it just now for fun and a VP of something for a lady in her 50s living in Florida came up via LinkedIn, as well as an obituary of a lady in NJ.  And I'm professionally affiliated on the local and state level.  I'd really have to hear LW's tone when they gingerly asked what was up.  If I was told in an accusing way that what I said on a date didn't match up with what's online, I'd be turned off.  Best case scenario, if it was mentioned gingerly, or jokingly, I'd still feel a little defensive.  Just an alternative to LW's former date is crazy/hiding something/not who they say they are and LW dodged a bullet.  (Maybe they did!  But I can't weigh in without hearing the tone.)
    I Google'd myself years ago and it was hilarious.  My first name is Jennifer (ordinary enough), but my last name is unique and the only people I know with it are family members.  My dad's side (his last name) immigrated from Germany to the U.S. in the early 1900's.

    Anyway, the first time I Google'd my name, a German porn site came up because one of the actresses had my exact name.  With Jennifer as her first name and everything.  Looking back, I wish I'd...I don't know...tried to figure out how to e-mail her.  Or e-mail the site to pass along my message.  But I didn't and was never able to find her again.  With that said, my parents are longtime family friends with a German couple and they've said they've never heard our last name either.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    I discovered while in high school that there was essentially one other person with my name, and she was a beekeeper, as well as Renaissance reenactment cosplayer/musician. She referred to herself as a "bard." Plays the harp and lute. She also weaves tapestries, I think. Probably ten years older than me. We became friends on Facebook for a while (before I culled most everyone). It was amazing.
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  • Ro041Ro041 member
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    I am a member of a state bar association and that is where my mind immediately went with LW.  I imagined the professional affiliations were those that you would expect to show up if you google a person - a lawyer, doctor, CPA etc.  If the person claimed to be in any of those professions, it's a huge red flag if nothing comes up.  

    I also think it's totally normal to google people.  I check people out regularly on our state's criminal case tracking system.

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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    I've googled myself and although my name isn't unique, it's not typically a legal name. It's more common as a nickname.
    There is a singer with the exact same first and last name as me .... wtf!? Apparently hers is her legal name also.

    I pop up a lot because #socialmedia lol I changed my last name on fb because of that and I try not to use my last name on social media in general
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    I googled myself today, in response to this Prudie. My linkedin shows up, but also a couple of articles and the state bar. But I also just discovered that I have a name doppleganger!

    I always heard that you should google yourself if you're job hunting. They say employers will google you, and you may be able to hide something or make it unsearchable, like social media. Maybe I'm just a weirdo, but I've googled both job candidates and hiring managers before. I've been with DH since before social media existed, but I would 100% google a date before I went out with them. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    Ro041 said:
    I am a member of a state bar association and that is where my mind immediately went with LW.  I imagined the professional affiliations were those that you would expect to show up if you google a person - a lawyer, doctor, CPA etc.  If the person claimed to be in any of those professions, it's a huge red flag if nothing comes up.  

    I also think it's totally normal to google people.  I check people out regularly on our state's criminal case tracking system.
    SIB:  I agree - I think it's totally normal to google someone, especially someone you met online that you recently starting seeing.  I think it's super odd that the person got defensive about it, as I also assumed his professional certifications were something easily verifiable like a CPA or MD.  
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    flantastic said:
    I discovered while in high school that there was essentially one other person with my name, and she was a beekeeper, as well as Renaissance reenactment cosplayer/musician. She referred to herself as a "bard." Plays the harp and lute. She also weaves tapestries, I think. Probably ten years older than me. We became friends on Facebook for a while (before I culled most everyone). It was amazing.
    As I'm going through people I know that fit that profile LOL...

    WTF - LW needs to increase their standards from time to just meeting someone on the internet to hopping in the sack with them..  Three dates from first meeting is not remotely enough time to vet the person in general let alone enough to be intimate with them..  And yes, appropriate thing to do in looking them up!

    Given my profession, my name is pretty easily found, but also, it's highly Catholic so I had to take that into account for my public/private factors such that with some launch work I'm seriously thinking about a "show name"...  
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  • Ro041Ro041 member
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    @MesmrEwe - I am going to respectfully disagree.  LW doesn't have to wait longer or vet partners better before deciding if s/he wants to engage in intimate acts with them.  To suggest otherwise is just slut shaming.  If you are in a  good emotional state and want a fun romp, who cares?  *shrug*

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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    MesmrEwe said:
    flantastic said:
    I discovered while in high school that there was essentially one other person with my name, and she was a beekeeper, as well as Renaissance reenactment cosplayer/musician. She referred to herself as a "bard." Plays the harp and lute. She also weaves tapestries, I think. Probably ten years older than me. We became friends on Facebook for a while (before I culled most everyone). It was amazing.
    As I'm going through people I know that fit that profile LOL...

    WTF - LW needs to increase their standards from time to just meeting someone on the internet to hopping in the sack with them..  Three dates from first meeting is not remotely enough time to vet the person in general let alone enough to be intimate with them..  And yes, appropriate thing to do in looking them up!

    Given my profession, my name is pretty easily found, but also, it's highly Catholic so I had to take that into account for my public/private factors such that with some launch work I'm seriously thinking about a "show name"...  
    That’s a big nope from me; if you want to have sex with someone, have sex. But don’t judge someone’s timeline for doing that! It may not be yours but that’s okay, there isn’t anything right or wrong about different timelines!
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