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Etiquette

Co-workers

Hi all. My fiance and I are in the finishing stages of our list for save the dates to go out Sept/Oct. I was wondering if there are any "rules" with regards to inviting co-workers. I am inviting my manager because I would genuinely love for her to be there as well as my other manager who runs the company's office. There is a co worker I am quite close with and would love to invite but I don't want to "start" anything. I also know that one of my co workers will probably have a lot to say as she is not on the invite list. I keep my wedding planning and talking to a minimum in the office but she has asked numerous times if she is invited, to which I say, "We are still planning some things." She is on the immature/sensitive/dramatic side so I try to keep it as brief as possible. Anyways, curious if anyone has input or has dealt with something similar. Thank you! 

Re: Co-workers

  • IMO, be very careful when you mix business and pleasure.   

    Once you start to dip a toe into inviting coworkers I would keep this at tiers only.   If you are hesitant at inviting this coworker then don't invite anyone that's at the same level as she is.   Invite the managers at the same level and their spouses and then don't invite anyone else and don't talk about the wedding at work. 

    Remember, once you mix your wedding with the office it starts to open the door for that to be a topic leading up to and after the event and how your managers and coworkers were treated at that event can be things that impact your work experience.
    charlotte989875ei34
  • edited July 29
    That's a great point though I am not sure I quite understand the "how your managers and co workers were treated at that event." That said, I am comfortable inviting just my managers and their spouses to keep it civil. The co-worker I am close with relayed there are other events (shower, bach party, etc) for close work friends to be invited to. Many thanks! 
  • That's a great point though I am not sure I quite understand the "how your managers and co workers were treated at that event." That said, I am comfortable inviting just my managers and their spouses to keep it civil. There are always other events (shower, bach party, etc) for close work friends to be invited to. Many thanks! 
    It's in reference that sometimes we see brides comment that they made choices against etiquette at their reception and they invited coworkers.   So if a couple have a cash bar and invite their coworkers to their wedding then they will walk into work on Monday and know that their coworker asked them to pay for their drinks on Saturday.   Or if they opted for an outdoor wedding on the hottest day of the year and put an outdoor backdrop over the comfort of guests the guests will remember all the negatives and like it or not - those are going to impact the work relationship.
    charlotte989875
  • banana468 said:
    That's a great point though I am not sure I quite understand the "how your managers and co workers were treated at that event." That said, I am comfortable inviting just my managers and their spouses to keep it civil. There are always other events (shower, bach party, etc) for close work friends to be invited to. Many thanks! 
    It's in reference that sometimes we see brides comment that they made choices against etiquette at their reception and they invited coworkers.   So if a couple have a cash bar and invite their coworkers to their wedding then they will walk into work on Monday and know that their coworker asked them to pay for their drinks on Saturday.   Or if they opted for an outdoor wedding on the hottest day of the year and put an outdoor backdrop over the comfort of guests the guests will remember all the negatives and like it or not - those are going to impact the work relationship.
    Similarly - I had a coworker who had a very extravagant wedding and invited a number of us, and it opened up a lot of gossip about her financial/family situation. Not condoning this kind of gossip, but it obviously happens, so just something to consider
  • That's a great point though I am not sure I quite understand the "how your managers and co workers were treated at that event." That said, I am comfortable inviting just my managers and their spouses to keep it civil. There are always other events (shower, bach party, etc) for close work friends to be invited to. Many thanks! 
    A good rule of thumb for co-workers is whether you otherwise spend time with these people. Would you call this person on a Saturday and meet up for lunch? Would you have them to your house? If not, it's best not to invite them. 

    Secondly, you are just talking about STDs, not invitations. Remember, not every guest needs an STD. It's fine to send them only to VIPs and must-invites, but still send invitations to other people once you're closer to the actual wedding. I would do that with all co-workers, including the manager. (What if this manager leaves the company 3 months from now? If you sent a STD, you still have to invite her, but if you hold off, you can make a decision based on your relationship right before the wedding.) 

    Third, responding to the bold. The cardinal rule of pre-wedding parties is that only people invited to the actual wedding can be invited. At-work showers are generally an exception, but it would be very rude to invite your co-workers to your shower or bach party while excluding them from the wedding. 
    All of this too and TY @MyNameIsNot for addressing the last part.  @knottie00fe2f54982b4d5d please definitely NEVER invite someone to a pre-wedding event who is not invited to your wedding.  That would be a surefire recipe for professional or personal disaster.

    The only exception is if coworkers throw you a shower as a workplace event.   I didn't have that but some offices do this and when the guests are all coworkers that's a general exception to the rule. 


    charlotte989875ILoveBeachMusic
  • Thanks for this. I am speaking about one only one co worker to be included as she understands the wedding invite conundrum but see your point. Will most likely keep it to the two managers + spouses to keep things civil. Thanks! 
    charlotte989875
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That's a great point though I am not sure I quite understand the "how your managers and co workers were treated at that event." That said, I am comfortable inviting just my managers and their spouses to keep it civil. There are always other events (shower, bach party, etc) for close work friends to be invited to. Many thanks! 
    You should not be inviting anyone to your shower or bachelorette party unless they are invited to the wedding. 

    Knottie1445978370
  • Thanks, definitely understood. Like I mentioned, was actually brought up by my co-worker and not me so simply relaying her suggestion but that makes sense. Happy planning, everyone! 
    charlotte989875
  • A general rule of thumb - DO NOT send out STD cards except to your VIP's!!!  Life happens, plans change, venues change, all in the span of planning.  As far as coworkers go, your employment status may change! (mine did in the course of sending out invites!)..  
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