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The solution is to say nothing and enjoy the fact that she loves your group.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I recently joined an amateur singing group. We perform at nursing homes around the city, and I generally enjoy the group. However, there is one woman in our section who is tone-deaf. Seriously! She sings loudly but never on pitch. She may sometimes sing the melody when we are singing harmony. Mostly she just sings the same low monotone. I have tried to sing with her and help her out, but it does her no good and only drives me crazy! Our choir director is aware and has tried to work with her, but it has not been effective. This woman loves our group. I know it would break her heart if I or anyone told her point-blank that she can’t carry a tune, so I know that would not be the right thing to do. But nobody wants to sit next to her because she makes it difficult to learn new pieces and sing the ones we know. Is there a solution? I have friends who know they are tone-deaf and accept it with good humor and have developed other talents instead.

—Tone-Deaf Choir Member
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Re: The solution is to say nothing and enjoy the fact that she loves your group.

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    downtondivadowntondiva member
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    Having sung in choirs myself, I understand it can be tricky not to be thrown off by those singing around you (even when they are singing correctly, just a different part from your own). That said, this is an amateur group, so there really isn't anything you can do, as annoying as it may be. If the choir director believes it's a problem worth addressing, let them be the one to address it. 
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    kerbohlkerbohl member
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    I'm part of a choir, and we had someone like this, but what he lacked in singing he made up for in being such a positive person to be around, so we loved having him as part of the group.  Yeah, it is tricky to not get thrown off, but this is what often happens in amateur choirs.  If someone loves singing I think they should be allowed to sing in an amateur choir.  If it throws LW off that much, she should maybe asked to be moved further away from the person.  As long as she asks in a smart way - I was asked to move to a different side of the sopranos because I am high soporano and hitting the high notes threw off people who were singing middle soprano.  

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    banana468banana468 member
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    This is going to be something that is often encountered with a group like this.   So maybe the conductor can see if putting the tone deaf member in with other people who will sing the melody only or in the middle with some stronger singers who may help to just keep her on tone better.

    If that doesn't work you're going to have to get over it.   
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    banana468 said:
    This is going to be something that is often encountered with a group like this.   So maybe the conductor can see if putting the tone deaf member in with other people who will sing the melody only or in the middle with some stronger singers who may help to just keep her on tone better.

    If that doesn't work you're going to have to get over it.   
    I think this is a great suggestion.  And, ultimately, this issue is up to the conductor to do their best to manage.

    While, of course, singing is important an amateur group.  But another important part of it is being a place for people to sing, who like to sing.  No matter their talent or experience level.

    This "problem" could even be looked at as an opportunity for the other members to hone their own craft more.  So they can become even stronger singers, no matter who they are sitting next to.
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Omg you recently joined an amateur group and now want to kick out a long standing member because she doesn’t meet you standards? Be a better person than this. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    Omg you recently joined an amateur group and now want to kick out a long standing member because she doesn’t meet you standards? Be a better person than this. 
    LMAO!  I forgot the part where she said she had recently joined this group.

    So, yeah.  Definitely doubling down on "get over it".
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