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How to say no kids

knottie660429913c35d09aknottie660429913c35d09a member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi everyone, I am trying to figure out how to word that we are asking for no children under the age of 16 to come to the wedding, however the kids that are coming are in the wedding party
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Re: How to say no kids

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You don't word invitations to show who isn't invited. They was you let people know their children aren't invited is to not invite them. That  means when you address the invitation, you only have the adults listed on the invitation. For example: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith or John and Jane Smith. IF people rsvp including their children, then and only then do you call them to let them know that you are sorry but their children aren't invited. Do not give a reason - they don't need one. If you give a reason, they could start saying how they can get around that reason. It is perfectly fine to not invite children to the wedding but have children in the wedding (who of course are invited to the reception and rehearsal activities).
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie660429913c35d09a said:
    Hi everyone, I am trying to figure out how to word that we are asking for no children under the age of 16 to come to the wedding, however the kids that are coming are in the wedding party
    This is not something you put on the invitations, or any other wedding info (website, STD, etc). When addressing the invites, simply just name the guests that are invited. 

    Also, I'd like to point out that if you're having younger guests in your wedding party/ceremony, they need to be invited to to the reception too. 

    It's ok to invite children in circles. For instance, I invited my cousin's daughters (no other young kids in my family), and my H's step-sister's kids (again, no other young kids on that side). I did not invite the children of any of our friends. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    climbingwife said:
    knottie660429913c35d09a said:
    Hi everyone, I am trying to figure out how to word that we are asking for no children under the age of 16 to come to the wedding, however the kids that are coming are in the wedding party
    This is not something you put on the invitations, or any other wedding info (website, STD, etc). When addressing the invites, simply just name the guests that are invited. 

    Also, I'd like to point out that if you're having younger guests in your wedding party/ceremony, they need to be invited to to the reception too. 

    It's ok to invite children in circles. For instance, I invited my cousin's daughters (no other young kids in my family), and my H's step-sister's kids (again, no other young kids on that side). I did not invite the children of any of our friends. 
    All of this.

    Also, in addition to inviting the WP to the reception, please don't split a family up where one child is in the WP and the other isn't IF that means that you're splitting up who attends the ceremony and reception.

    I agree that inviting in circles is best and is often easier than WP only unless the WP can be an easy circle in itself like children of siblings.  
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    banana468 said:
    climbingwife said:
    knottie660429913c35d09a said:
    Hi everyone, I am trying to figure out how to word that we are asking for no children under the age of 16 to come to the wedding, however the kids that are coming are in the wedding party
    This is not something you put on the invitations, or any other wedding info (website, STD, etc). When addressing the invites, simply just name the guests that are invited. 

    Also, I'd like to point out that if you're having younger guests in your wedding party/ceremony, they need to be invited to to the reception too. 

    It's ok to invite children in circles. For instance, I invited my cousin's daughters (no other young kids in my family), and my H's step-sister's kids (again, no other young kids on that side). I did not invite the children of any of our friends. 
    All of this.

    Also, in addition to inviting the WP to the reception, please don't split a family up where one child is in the WP and the other isn't IF that means that you're splitting up who attends the ceremony and reception.

    I agree that inviting in circles is best and is often easier than WP only unless the WP can be an easy circle in itself like children of siblings.  
    Additionally, the family of the children in the wedding party all need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner as well.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    As others have mentioned, DO NOT split families up!  That would be rude AF.  For example, if there is a 16yo and a 7yo, invite both or neither.  Also, there is not a huge difference between a 14yo and a 16yo, for arbitrary age sake if someone is near the line at the time of your wedding.  

    Your RSVP and enclosure card needs to be specific to help avoid problems.  Also, let the family "Chatty Cathy" know what's going on so people aren't surprised.  You will get blow-back if 16yo cousin is invited but not your sister's 3yo and you will have some who don't have a babysitter option say they can't come.  That is your choice to have this line when it comes to kids being invited, OWN IT!  Your line is your line.  
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ditto PPs. You are free to have a child-free wedding, but you can’t have an arbitrary rule that splits up families, and you don’t specify who isn’t invited. You address invitations exactly to who is invited. If you get people rsvp-ing for extra people you politely call and let them know the invitation was only for the individuals listed. 

    Also, everyone who considers themselves to be in a relationship needs to be invited with their significant other, regardless of length of relationship. 


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  • slatercook2020slatercook2020 member
    First Comment
    For our wedding, my fiance was very adamant about not having kids at the wedding, but, I have 2 sons (15 & 20 yo) from a previous marriage and some very special young adults (all 12 y/o or older) that were important to me to invite. Most of my fiance's friends are just beginning their families and have very young kids (under 4) who still require constant adult supervision. 
    After much research and discussion, when we addressed the invitations, they were specific to each couple or family. When including our younger guests, we wrote their names on the invitation. And for both couples and families we indicated the number of seats reserved for them. Thankfully, with the exception of my twos, my younger guests are only-children; though I would not have excluded any siblings.
    We haven't had any negative feedback, and so far all of our couples with younger kids are excited to have a kid free event that they really get to enjoy. 
    I think most people these days understand the desire for a more mature setting and are happy (or relieved to oblige). And those who don't may reach out, but I would rely on my personal relationship with the kids before relenting or sticking to my invitation list. 
    Good luck! 
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