First off, I just want to start by saying that I've had a rocky history with my sister who I've also asked to be my Maid of Honor. I am 26 and newly engaged and she is 20. We are at completely different stages in our lives but I'm regretting asking her to be my MoH based on her personality. Some instances are as follows:
1.) She was the first person I called after I got engaged to tell her the good news and she responded to me by saying "Okay shut up, I need to talk to you about my boyfriend". This was said to me right after I let her know I was engaged. She didn't congratulate me and she didn't ask how it happened or even said she was happy for me. I barely got the words out of my mouth "I'm engaged" before she told me to shut up.
2.) I will be attending my cousins wedding in July and my family decided it would be fun to have a short 3 day family reunion since we will already we together. My mom asked me if we could throw me a bridal shower while we were up there. I politely declined because I'm in a unique situation and not really in a position to receive gifts, unless it's money. (My fiance lives in Switzerland and we decided to live there once we are married. I can really only afford to bring what I need like clothes, keepsakes, etc. So having to pay to move gifts from America to Switzerland is completely out of the budget, not to mention any appliance gifted to me wouldn't work on a Swiss outlet anyways). I suggested that we have a little bachelorette party instead since it's easier for everyone to do something activity based. My family agreed and they plan on us just doing Horseback Riding/White Water rafting and then dinner afterwards. The issue here is that my sister(MoH) seems to be dealing with boyfriend issues and can't sit down long enough for us to let her know that the family will be planning a bachelorette party and if she plans on going. Mind you, I didn't ask her to plan the event. My mom agreed to pay her way for the activity and the dinner so all she has to do is show up, but she screams at us and tells us 'no' every time it gets brought up. I personally believe she doesn't want to go because she has trust issues with her boyfriend, but it hurts me that she can't set aside her feelings with her boyfriend for one evening and enjoy the time we are spending together since we only get together with my family once a year.
3.) Another instance was that I had set up a few appointments at some bridal boutiques to try on dresses. My mom had agreed to come along and I would've liked for my sister to come along as well however when I asked her if she could come dress shopping with me she said that she is busy and will be taking a long weekend away with her boyfriend that weekend. I looked at her and asked if she could please reschedule for her event for another weekend (Spring Break for instance since she has a week off for school) and she got mad at me and abruptly told me that no other weekend works.
4.) I've asked her once to sit down with me to give me an opinion on some venues and wedding dresses and she would get mad at me and tell me she doesn't have the time.
I'm very aware that she is a selfish person but she is notorious for ruining people's important events (Birthdays, Graduations, Vacations) if something doesn't go her way or if the attention is not on her. I THOUGHT that since I'm getting married, she would set aside her selfish tendencies just to show me a little support but she can't seem to do that. I'm not asking her to plan anything for me, all I've asked her was for an opinion or to be supportive and she can't seem to find the time to even give me that. I also would've thought that since I will be moving out of the country and will probably only see my family once every few years, that she would want to spend some time with me, but she is showing zero interest in wanting to even spend anytime with me.
I'm not sure if you all think this is worth 'demoting' her to bridesmaid, but ultimately I want this day to be about me and my fiance and I don't want any stress from her period. Is it better to demote her? Would it be easier if I just didn't have any bridesmaids/maid of honor? If I choose not to have any bridesmaids/maid of honor, how can we incorporate my fiance's groomsmen and best man into the wedding?