Cancellation Sadness

knottie04fe9baa263e48a4 · April 2020

I’m sad. I know I shouldn’t be. I know that being sad is just being selfish – which in all honesty just makes me feel worse for feeling sad. I’ve made this huge thing about me, and that’s not fair. There is far worse going on in the world right now, and I am far from unaware. I could be much worse off. I could be sick or dying – sad and alone in the hospital. Or even worse, my family members and friends could be sick or dying – with the inability for any of us to be by their sides. I see healthcare workers working in crazy conditions - I know how bad it has become and that it will probably get much worse. I can’t guarantee that everyone will make it out alive, that I’ll be able to keep my job, or that there will be no other financial, emotional or physical repercussions from this terrible time. I know all of this. I am a logical, intelligent (at least somewhat) adult that gets it. But right now, I am sad. And it’s hard for me to snap out of.

My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years. We got engaged on a vacation in 2017 and took our time planning a wedding… our perfect wedding. We sent the save the dates out for our Mexican destination wedding 18 months in advance. We planned it all. From finding a travel agent to the after party bonfire to the excursions we would go on. We fought over welcome bags and a bridal party, agonized over a seating chart and flowers. Felt joy with each of our 72 “yes” RSVPs and the heartbreaking sadness as family members and lifelong friends said they couldn’t make it. Bachelor and bachelorette parties were planned, registries and showers set. And then it hit. It was all for nothing.

As the country started getting scared, so did we. But, it was still months away, we would be fine, right? And then it hit closer to home. Our county was increasing and shut downs started. Then the calls started.. and the texts.. messages from the travel agent. It was time to cancel. Do you know what is not fun about having to cancel all your plans? Not only does it feel like you’ve wasted countless hours of your life for the past few years (I’m talking about you, push-ups and invitation labeling), but now you have to do even more work – just to be sad. You have to actually cancel everything, and talk to everyone to let them know, and what about the gifts? Do I return them? What a mess.

Over the last 8 years, my fiancé and I have celebrated 16 couples on their special day. We’ve traveled for weddings, showers, bachelor & bachelorette celebrations, and we’ve done so happily. I get so excited for everyone and their special day. I know I’m being selfish when I say – I wanted that for me. It’s not fair that I can’t have it. I’ve heard it all – it’s just postponing, things will be great when they happen, we’ll celebrate no matter what. I know those things are true. I know that I will marry my fiancé. I know that I will spend the rest of my life with him, the good moments and these sad ones. I know all of that. But sometimes my logical side doesn’t overcome that emotional one, and I’m just sad. I know that no one did anything wrong here and this cancellation had to be done – everyone needs to stay safe and there are far more important things than my wedding day. But it was supposed to be my wedding day. 46 days from today was supposed to be my wedding day. And I’m sad about that.

I suppose I don't know why I wrote this. I guess writing it here made it a little easier than having to say the words aloud. Just in case any of you are feeling like me, know that you're not alone.

missJeanLouise · April 2020

knottie04fe9baa263e48a4 said:

I’m sad. I know I shouldn’t be. I know that being sad is just being selfish – which in all honesty just makes me feel worse for feeling sad. I’ve made this huge thing about me, and that’s not fair. There is far worse going on in the world right now, and I am far from unaware. I could be much worse off. I could be sick or dying – sad and alone in the hospital. Or even worse, my family members and friends could be sick or dying – with the inability for any of us to be by their sides. I see healthcare workers working in crazy conditions - I know how bad it has become and that it will probably get much worse. I can’t guarantee that everyone will make it out alive, that I’ll be able to keep my job, or that there will be no other financial, emotional or physical repercussions from this terrible time. I know all of this. I am a logical, intelligent (at least somewhat) adult that gets it. But right now, I am sad. And it’s hard for me to snap out of.

My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years. We got engaged on a vacation in 2017 and took our time planning a wedding… our perfect wedding. We sent the save the dates out for our Mexican destination wedding 18 months in advance. We planned it all. From finding a travel agent to the after party bonfire to the excursions we would go on. We fought over welcome bags and a bridal party, agonized over a seating chart and flowers. Felt joy with each of our 72 “yes” RSVPs and the heartbreaking sadness as family members and lifelong friends said they couldn’t make it. Bachelor and bachelorette parties were planned, registries and showers set. And then it hit. It was all for nothing.

As the country started getting scared, so did we. But, it was still months away, we would be fine, right? And then it hit closer to home. Our county was increasing and shut downs started. Then the calls started.. and the texts.. messages from the travel agent. It was time to cancel. Do you know what is not fun about having to cancel all your plans? Not only does it feel like you’ve wasted countless hours of your life for the past few years (I’m talking about you, push-ups and invitation labeling), but now you have to do even more work – just to be sad. You have to actually cancel everything, and talk to everyone to let them know, and what about the gifts? Do I return them? What a mess.

Over the last 8 years, my fiancé and I have celebrated 16 couples on their special day. We’ve traveled for weddings, showers, bachelor & bachelorette celebrations, and we’ve done so happily. I get so excited for everyone and their special day. I know I’m being selfish when I say – I wanted that for me. It’s not fair that I can’t have it. I’ve heard it all – it’s just postponing, things will be great when they happen, we’ll celebrate no matter what. I know those things are true. I know that I will marry my fiancé. I know that I will spend the rest of my life with him, the good moments and these sad ones. I know all of that. But sometimes my logical side doesn’t overcome that emotional one, and I’m just sad. I know that no one did anything wrong here and this cancellation had to be done – everyone needs to stay safe and there are far more important things than my wedding day. But it was supposed to be my wedding day. 46 days from today was supposed to be my wedding day. And I’m sad about that.
I suppose I don't know why I wrote this. I guess writing it here made it a little easier than having to say the words aloud. Just in case any of you are feeling like me, know that you're not alone.

(((Hugs))) it's okay to be sad. You seem to have a good perspective and it will get better eventually, but that doesn't help now.

Maybe you and your fiance can plan a special night on your original wedding date. You can get a bottle of champagne, order in from a fancy restaurant, or whatever suits you.

ILoveBeachMusic · April 2020

I agree with @missJeanLouise. You have a right to be sad and feel your feelings. It isn't being selfish when you are dealing with it in such a mature way. Shed some tears. You are going through a grief process as are most of us. We may be grieving for different things. You are grieving the loss of your dream wedding on the day it was planned. That is OK. For your emotional health you need to feel these emotions. I'm glad it felt you could write it here. Hang in there and I'm sure you and your FI will have a wonderful wedding and life together.

banana468 · April 2020

I think you're being really understanding actually.

It's OK to grieve and be disappointed that something you planned for isn't happening and it's out of your control. That's human nature and the disappointment is real.

The difference is in how you act in that sadness. You're moving in what I'll call (IMO) the "right" direction and prioritizing. That means that sometimes things happen and it's not what we want or what we even deserve.

FWIW, I don't think you're alone feeling disappointment that things you planned aren't happening or that you don't get what others did. I have my own feelings regarding what is affecting me and I am sad and reminding myself of the big picture.

My kids liked to watch Daniel Tiger a lot. If you're not familiar with him, he's an animated cartoon series based on Mr. Rogers. And one song is, "Sometimes you feel two feelings at the same time...and that's OK."

You get two feelings too. And that's OK.