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Bachelorette party, eloping/small ceremony, reception the following year...

knottie0d3f10d61f80b743knottie0d3f10d61f80b743 newb
in Pre-wedding Parties
Hello,
I'm looking for some advice here... so me and my FH got engaged late March this year. We had always talked about getting married October 2020 but I didn't want it so soon after engagement. I got the idea to have a small ceremony with our closest family and then have the reception sometime next year (not sure when yet). I love the idea of it happening this way, but now I don't know how to break the news to some friends... but also they want to do a bachelorette party (which I'm completely down for) but with the small ceremony coming up in about 6 months, my friend just had a baby, a lot of my friends live far away (and not the mention the whole virus issue), I'm not sure if I should have my bachelorette party yet. Of course once me and my FH are married in October I will no longer be a bachelorette... but not sure how to go about it all? What are your thoughts?
Reminder... small ceremony in October this year. Big reception & party next year (and no it won't be a 1 year anniversary celebration).
Thanks in advance!!
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Re: Bachelorette party, eloping/small ceremony, reception the following year...

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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie0d3f10d61f80b743 said:
    Hello,
    I'm looking for some advice here... so me and my FH got engaged late March this year. We had always talked about getting married October 2020 but I didn't want it so soon after engagement. I got the idea to have a small ceremony with our closest family and then have the reception sometime next year (not sure when yet). I love the idea of it happening this way, but now I don't know how to break the news to some friends... but also they want to do a bachelorette party (which I'm completely down for) but with the small ceremony coming up in about 6 months, my friend just had a baby, a lot of my friends live far away (and not the mention the whole virus issue), I'm not sure if I should have my bachelorette party yet. Of course once me and my FH are married in October I will no longer be a bachelorette... but not sure how to go about it all? What are your thoughts?
    Reminder... small ceremony in October this year. Big reception & party next year (and no it won't be a 1 year anniversary celebration).
    Thanks in advance!!
    You need to choose the wedding you want and accept the consequences of your choices.  If you have a small wedding in October, then the only people that can receive an invitation for a wedding shower are those invited to your small and intimate wedding.  You will still need to host something on the day of your wedding for any guests that attend the ceremony.  
    You can’t have a “reception” a year after your wedding.  You can host an anniversary party, or an open house, or a summer BBQ.
     A woman can’t have a bachelorette party post marriage, but if your friends chose to, they could have a luncheon or girl’s night just for giggles.  You also should not accept an invitation to a bachelorette party from anyone not invited to the wedding.


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    levioosalevioosa member
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    Your ceremony in October is your wedding. When you have the party next year it shouldn’t be a re-enactment of the wedding, because that will have already taken place. You need to be upfront with people that you are married. Just have a girl’s night out with your friends. It won’t be a bachelorette party though, because you’ll already be married. 


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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    You don't choose to have a shower or bach party. If someone offers to throw one before your wedding (in October), your responsibility is to make sure that the guest list is limited to those invited to the actual wedding. Considering the global pandemic, short timeline and other things you've pointed out, it's entirely possible that no one will offer to throw either of these parties for you. That's disappointing, but that's life. I'm unclear about the wedding guest list. If your friends aren't invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to a bachelorette party. Part of choosing to have a small wedding, especially on a short timeline, typically means forgoing these things. 

    It's fine to have a party next year, it doesn't need to be on your anniversary. It won't be a reception and shouldn't be treated as a wedding or wedding do over. Likewise, it would be inappropriate to have a parties ahead of this celebration. 
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    knottied40be55ca91bb266knottied40be55ca91bb266 member
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    I’m surprised all the feedback on this post is so black and white. With this virus, we are living in a world of grey, where we don’t know what is going to happen and we are all just doing our best. I think whatever you decide works for you and your fiancé is fine, because you two are the only ones in this situation, and it’s also ok to still have a bridal shower or bachelorette. I’ve heard of plenty of people who had a wedding ceremony and reception completely separate of each other, and there wasn’t even a global pandemic forcing them into it! Family still came and enjoyed celebrating the couple’s special day with them.

    I’m in the same boat in that my wedding is August 14th, and we are discussing getting legally married on our date and then Celebrating with a reception later, so we don’t lose our deposits by cancelling and we get the day we wanted with our family and friends. 
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    knottied40be55ca91bb266 said:
    I’m surprised all the feedback on this post is so black and white. With this virus, we are living in a world of grey, where we don’t know what is going to happen and we are all just doing our best. I think whatever you decide works for you and your fiancé is fine, because you two are the only ones in this situation, and it’s also ok to still have a bridal shower or bachelorette. I’ve heard of plenty of people who had a wedding ceremony and reception completely separate of each other, and there wasn’t even a global pandemic forcing them into it! Family still came and enjoyed celebrating the couple’s special day with them.

    I’m in the same boat in that my wedding is August 14th, and we are discussing getting legally married on our date and then Celebrating with a reception later, so we don’t lose our deposits by cancelling and we get the day we wanted with our family and friends. 
    The OP already realizes her plan.....which is absolutely her choice.....will upset friends.  “I don’t know how to BREAK THE NEWS to some friends”.  All we are pointing out is that AS AN ADULT, make your choice and then live by them.  There is nothing OK with trying to have the best of both worlds, especially when one of “those worlds” will knowingly hurt/upset friends.  The OP also admitted that her idea has NOTHING to do with the current health issue.  The OP asked for thoughts, and the consensus is that as an adult you make choices and live with the consequences of them.  Married women cannot have bachelorette parties because they are not single.  It is rude to invite people NOT invited to a wedding to a specifically gift giving event attached to a wedding.
    Do people have separate events?  Yes.  Is it necessarily appropriate or polite? No.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2020
    The coronavirus doesn't justify inviting anyone to a "bachelorette party" or other event that is specifically wedding-related who is not actually invited to the actual wedding ceremony (I.e., the ceremony that joins them in legal matrimony, even if that ceremony takes place in private or people otherwise cannot attend it).

    It also doesn't justify later reenactments of the ceremony in a big white dress and with wedding-specific trimmings like attendants and gift registries while concealing the fact that the actual wedding ceremony has already taken place outside the presence of those in attendance at this reenactment.

    You can, however, invite anyone you like to a subsequent "wedding celebration" that is understood by all to be a separate event from the actual wedding. That does mean owning and making clear that the actual wedding will already have taken place and forgoing elements associated with an actual wedding, such as a ceremony reenactment, attendants, and gift registries. Pretending that the actual wedding isn't happening or didn't happen, for whatever reason, while inviting non-actual-wedding guests to this subsequent event and passing it off as your "wedding" would be a very serious etiquette breach. The coronavirus doesn't change that, and no "compassion" justifies it.

    Anyone could find out from public records about legal wedding ceremonies, and learning of being excluded from that while being invited to a subsequent event labeled a wedding can generate justifiably hurt feelings on the guests' part. So be honest with the people you want to invite about the true nature of what you are inviting them to. If you are inviting them to a subsequent wedding celebration, be up front with them about it and be prepared for hurt feelings that you are not inviting them to the actual wedding ceremony.
     
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    knottie61b552bbb4ba2a85knottie61b552bbb4ba2a85 member
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    yeah, I'm surprised by the negative feedback. I think everyone will want to celebrate weddings when we get to the other side of this corona time, and you should have whatever wedding celebration/vow renewal/wedding redo you want to post corona. bachelorette or no bachelorette. cheers. For anyone who thinks engaged couples just need to wait to get married until corona passes is crazy. It might be years! You do you an if that's a one year anniversary vow renewal I think that sounds perfect.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    knottie61b552bbb4ba2a85 said:
    yeah, I'm surprised by the negative feedback. I think everyone will want to celebrate weddings when we get to the other side of this corona time, and you should have whatever wedding celebration/vow renewal/wedding redo you want to post corona. bachelorette or no bachelorette. cheers. For anyone who thinks engaged couples just need to wait to get married until corona passes is crazy. It might be years! You do you an if that's a one year anniversary vow renewal I think that sounds perfect.
    She said this had nothing to do with corona. No one said wait to get married until after corona.

    But go on and keep making things up. 
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