HUGE GROOMSMAN PROBLEM

kaherbster · July 2010

I am getting married on August 14th, and we just found out that one of our groomsmen backed out. How is the best way to try to find someone to fill this persons spot, or do i just not replace him at all???

ZRex · July 2010

I wouldn't replace him. Just have uneven sides...no one will notice, and it'll save you some stress.

danieliza1127 · July 2010

Don't replace him. Anyone you asked at this point would feel like a stand in and that's not a nice feeling. Just be short one groomsman, it's not that big of a deal. We were short one bridesmaid and all worked out perfectly fine.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

Don't replace him at all. This is what it will look like:

"Hi friend! Because you couldn't act as a place-filler for our wedding, we went with someone else to stand in your place."

"Hi replacement GM. You weren't important enough to us to ask the first time around, but in the interest of even sides/being able to fit into the tux we already rented, you'll have to do."

If you have programs made up, just leave him in the program. If you want, you can put something like "(not standing)" next to his name.

PharmacyBride · July 2010

I wouldn't replace. I would simply have uneven sides.

Some people believe asking an usher to step up is okay.. but this completely depends on who your friends are. One person might love the chance to step up and "help out" .. other people would be offended and feel like they are just a prop in your wedding.

It is such a case-by-case basis that you really have to analyze how your friend may feel when stepping in.. you would never want to cause hurt feelings on someone you care about.

If you do replace and he has to wear a tux.. you should pay!!!)

Figure out what is best for your situation.... but please don't hurt anyone's feelings or cause stress just to have even sides!

FutureMrsTR · July 2010

DON'T REPLACE HIM.

lharri12 · July 2010

Agree with PPs. He's irreplaceable.

CTGirl30 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-groomsman-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33160bf9-55a6-4dbd-9e0b-e289984599f9Post:92ce2d08-d4a4-41e6-9a63-54c64eadfcd6">HUGE GROOMSMAN PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a huge problem!!!! I am getting married on August 14th, and we just found out that one of our groomsmen backed out. How is the best way to try to find someone to fill this persons spot, or do i just not replace him at all???
Posted by kaherbster[/QUOTE]

How and why is this a huge problem? A huge problem would be if someone lost their job and couldn't afford to pay their rent and ended up homeless. A huge problem would be if someone were hit and injured by a drunk driver. A huge problem would be if someone contracted a terrible illness with no cure or broke a bone, etc.
A groomsman backing out of your wedding with almost 3 weeks notice is not a huge problem, so deep breaths and a little perspective here.

You will be just as married at the end of the ceremony with 1 less GM up there, I promise. Yes, you will have uneven sides. End of the world? Not by any means. If you're worried about the recessional, just have 2 ladies walk with 1 lucky GM.
Everything will be fine. By all means do NOT let your FI go looking for someone - anyone! - to stand in on the wedding day as a spot filler. Insulting both to the original GM and the person asked at the last minute. If he wasn't good enough to be asked originally, why ask now? You can get over the even sides thing - everything will be fine with 1 less GM. Your wedding isn't a play and you don't need understudies in case someone can't make it - the show will go on.

eastunder1 · July 2010

I think you should replace him. The sides will be uneven without him. One of the bridesmaids will have to walk alone! And the pictures, god the pictures will be lopsided!! Besides, I bet any number of your friends would jump at the chance to participate in your wedding. So what if its the last second? They'll be happy. Now they get to be IN the wedding instead of just a guest. Thats more special. I say go for it.

squirrly · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-groomsman-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33160bf9-55a6-4dbd-9e0b-e289984599f9Post:4bce9827-a35d-4998-95d1-c5f146bda265">Re: HUGE GROOMSMAN PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]DON'T REPLACE HIM.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

TR, that's one of the two responses I was contemplating. The other?

SHIFT KEY PROBLEM.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

You know, this would have been a more interesting post if the problem was that the groomsman was fat.

kaherbster · July 2010

thank you guys very much for your iput and You are all right, why stress over it having one extra maid is not a big deal. Her boyfriend may be able to come we are not sure so she would have a dance partner for the mandontory dances. I know its n ot a huge problem I am just freaking out! Thanks again for the advice!

danieliza1127 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-groomsman-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33160bf9-55a6-4dbd-9e0b-e289984599f9Post:c2105d60-bb67-48ab-82d3-951f6752c96e">Re: HUGE GROOMSMAN PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you guys very much for your iput and You are all right, why stress over it having one extra maid is not a big deal. Her boyfriend may be able to come we are not sure so she would have a dance partner for the mandontory dances. I know its n ot a huge problem I am just freaking out! Thanks again for the advice!
Posted by kaherbster[/QUOTE]

Are you having them do a bridal party dance? Most people skip those nowadays because the wedding party hates them and the guests don't really care to sit through them. So keep that in mind too. There really shouldn't be any "mandatory" dances for the wedding party.

mandysmear · July 2010

THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM!

FutureMrsTR · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-groomsman-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33160bf9-55a6-4dbd-9e0b-e289984599f9Post:5079aca7-2045-4ba6-868a-466053799497">Re: HUGE GROOMSMAN PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, this would have been a more interesting post if the problem was that the groomsman was fat.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing.

zitiqueen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-groomsman-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33160bf9-55a6-4dbd-9e0b-e289984599f9Post:c2105d60-bb67-48ab-82d3-951f6752c96e">Re: HUGE GROOMSMAN PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you guys very much for your iput and You are all right, why stress over it having one extra maid is not a big deal. Her boyfriend may be able to come we are not sure so she would have a dance partner for <strong>the mandontory dances</strong>. I know its n ot a huge problem I am just freaking out! Thanks again for the advice!
Posted by kaherbster[/QUOTE]

There are <em>mandatory dances</em>? Oh crap, my marriage isn't legal!

jayjoe · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-groomsman-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33160bf9-55a6-4dbd-9e0b-e289984599f9Post:5079aca7-2045-4ba6-868a-466053799497">Re: HUGE GROOMSMAN PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, this would have been a more interesting post if the problem was that the groomsman was fat.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Or a Vampire. How would pics look if there was a glare off of his sparkly skin???!! OMG!!!

CTGirl30 · July 2010

I'm sorry - did you indeed say "mandatory dances"?

Please, please don't force your friends to do the Wedding Party dance b.c I have a feeling that's what you mean. (I'm a little scurred, in fact, that you have that as dances - plural. As in, there's more...). WP dances are just awkward and not really much fun for anyone...I know, I've done them before myself. And I much ratehr would have been dancing with my bf at the time rather than with the GM I had been matched up with whom I barely knew...

Please spare your friends the agony and don't force them to do any dances.

squirrly · July 2010

Nope, the problem is the mandatory dances. (And the head table, too, by the way.) If you just cancel the mandatory dance, it'll be MUCH BETTER.

Seriously - I haven't seen a wedding since puffy sleeves were fashionable that had mandatory dances. Just first dance, father/daughter, and mother/son. Anything more than that is overkill.

srkropf · July 2010

Yeah, it doesn't have to be even-- asking someone this late may make him feel like a second class groomsman

carrieoz_76 · July 2010

This would have been more interesting if it was a problem about a huge groomsman.

kaherbster · July 2010

I did say mandantory dances but I jsut mean the wedding party dances. My party does not have a problem with dancing. I am not forcing them to dance they all asked if we are doing it. I think my fiance and I are the only ones that doesnt want to do alot of dancing! I am just nervous. My wording isnt as good as it should be but we are having a lot of fun planning. Besides this was about the missing groomsmen not the dances.

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