Offer to do the maintenance?

mrsconn23 · July 2020

Dear Prudence,

My partner normally gets their bikini line professionally waxed and, due to the pandemic, has been unable to go to those appointments. They do not want to shave because of the potential for razor burn and infection. I hate myself for saying this, but—I really, really don’t like the grown-out hair. For a variety of reasons, it’s turning me off during key moments, and I find myself dreading sex. I know this is 100 percent the patriarchy speaking, but I can’t help this preference! What should I do or say to help remedy this?

—Helpless

CharmedPam · July 2020

LW needs to watch some youtube vids.

listen, during the pandemic I learned how to do my own no chips. LW can learn how to maneuver the strip.

banana468 · July 2020

This is going to be walking a fine line and the LW at least owns his preference and where it lies.

Be nice. Offer to do it. Look up the videos, pour the wine for the before or after and show her how appreciative you are that this is something she trusts you to do.

And should she turn you down, understand that it does not have anything to do with you and it's her body, her preference. Keep the lights off or dim them if that's the alternative.

mrsconn23 · July 2020

DH has done my maintenance since pregnancy. It's guaranteed sex for him.

If LW's partner had never done anything, then I'd say it may not work out. Since their partner was doing it professionally pre-pandemic, then I think offering to assist is a win-win solution. There's so many cheap, quality options out there. I'm considering ordering from Flamingo soon. Their kits come with instruction books.

VarunaTT · July 2020

Preferences are real. K and I both trim and neither one of us likes it when things get too hairy in the ladygarden and will tell each other, "It's time" and make it a fun activity. I feel like LW should just try and be involved in it, that seems like a better answer and not that hard an idea to get to?

Casadena · July 2020

Offer to help her wax, ask her to trim - just talk about it. It's likely she doesn't like the jungle either if she's usually meticulous about waxing.

CharmedPam · July 2020

ladygarden. Thanks for my word ‘o the day!

banana468 · July 2020

CharmedPam said:

ladygarden. Thanks for my word ‘o the day!

Reminds me of this commercial that Schick ran that was not aired in the US but WAS for one of their products.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9JZWpZS6-g

VarunaTT · July 2020

CharmedPam said:

ladygarden. Thanks for my word ‘o the day!

This is an old school WW term. I think HMonkey might've started it up? I can't remember, but I still use it often.

STARMOON44 · July 2020

Start waxing your own balls bare yourself and once you’ve done that monthly for a year begin the conversation you pig.

charlotte989875 · July 2020

There’s a reason you hate yourself for saying it, LW, it’s because you know it’s not cool.

Preferences are fine and people do what they want. But there’s so much socialization that goes into why cis straight men prefer women with zero hair and it’s all kinds of weird.

And really it’s hair. And unless LW is smoothly waxed his partner is dealing with it just fine and so should he.

banana468 · July 2020

charlotte989875 said:

There’s a reason you hate yourself for saying it, LW, it’s because you know it’s not cool.

Preferences are fine and people do what they want. But there’s so much socialization that goes into why cis straight men prefer women with zero hair and it’s all kinds of weird.

And really it’s hair. And unless LW is smoothly waxed his partner is dealing with it just fine and so should he.

I read this as a bikini line and not a Brazilian. There is a difference IMO between removing the hair that sticks out of underwear and bathing suits and removing all of it.

That choice should be completely on the partner however IMO because she did it before it can be a very delicate conversation.

DH is also completely in charge of his own hair both on his face and anywhere else. However when he goes days without tending to his neck or many weeks without man-scaping it is something I'd consider discussing NICELY with him.

MissKittyDanger · July 2020

I get what LW is trying to say - after time it's hard to go back to things.
LW's spouse is right to not shave if you're use to waxing, it can cause a damn mess $:\$

But agreed, maybe LW could offer to help. There's a lot of over the counter waxes and youtube vids how to make sugar waxes also

STARMOON44 · July 2020

I am honestly stunned anyone thinks the solution is this dude teaching himself to wax his partner. Who wants some dude with no training who watched some you tube waxing them when they haven’t asked their partner “hey could you help me with this?”

charlotte989875 · July 2020

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

There’s a reason you hate yourself for saying it, LW, it’s because you know it’s not cool.

Preferences are fine and people do what they want. But there’s so much socialization that goes into why cis straight men prefer women with zero hair and it’s all kinds of weird.

And really it’s hair. And unless LW is smoothly waxed his partner is dealing with it just fine and so should he.

I read this as a bikini line and not a Brazilian. There is a difference IMO between removing the hair that sticks out of underwear and bathing suits and removing all of it.

That choice should be completely on the partner however IMO because she did it before it can be a very delicate conversation.

DH is also completely in charge of his own hair both on his face and anywhere else. However when he goes days without tending to his neck or many weeks without man-scaping it is something I'd consider discussing NICELY with him.

I get that, but it’s not like she doesn’t know at home kits exist. If she wanted a DIY she’d probably do it.

I’m not saying he shouldn’t have a preference but he should be prepared for this to go awry.

I like to keep things minimal there so I get that if I suddenly changed H might have preferences, but I don’t know any woman who doesn’t know options for hair removal, even in a pandemic. If she wanted to do it at home she’d figure it out.

STARMOON44 · July 2020

My favorite line on this subject from a friend who doesn’t wax (neither do I!), on a guy she was hooking up with gesturing at her bush asking what is that was: “it’s pussy. Do you want it or not.” This isn’t a neutral “preference” any more than men just “preferring” to have their wives change their names or “just not seeing mess” is- it’s 100% a result of our bullshit patriarchal society and decades of porn. As With many things this surfaces different in non- cis hetero partnerships but even there, the greater societal influences are clear.

drunkenwitch · July 2020

Casadena said:

Offer to help her wax, ask her to trim - just talk about it. It's likely she doesn't like the jungle either if she's usually meticulous about waxing.

Never wax always sugar! I have a pathological need to steer as many people away from waxing as possible, it so bad for your skin and can be very damaging in the long term. Sugaring is the only way to go (I miss my Brazilians like mad).

For the LW, just do what my man did, get the trimmers he uses for his manscaping and give her a trim. Oh sorry LW, what was that? You don't manscape? Oh I see.

MyNameIsNot · July 2020

STARMOON44 said:

I am honestly stunned anyone thinks the solution is this dude teaching himself to wax his partner. Who wants some dude with no training who watched some you tube waxing them when they haven’t asked their partner “hey could you help me with this?”

I'm with you. I personally prefer to groom and like to do so regularly when we're not in a pandemic, but there is no way in hell I would allow my untrained husband to rip hair out of some of my most sensitive skin with hot wax. There's a reason I go to a professional for that shit.

If this partner has been regularly waxing for any amount of time, they know full well that there are at-home versions available. Maybe they've looked into or tried one, maybe they just not into DIYing this. If they want LW's help, they'll ask for it.

CharmedPam · July 2020

Can you sugar at home?

drunkenwitch · July 2020

CharmedPam said:

Can you sugar at home?

My friend swears she can with application of small mirrors and stretching. I'm not that talented.

banana468 · July 2020

STARMOON44 said:

I am honestly stunned anyone thinks the solution is this dude teaching himself to wax his partner. Who wants some dude with no training who watched some you tube waxing them when they haven’t asked their partner “hey could you help me with this?”

My point is that they are partners. She has every right to tell him where to go. He can offer. Sure it's wrapped up in patriarchal BS and at the same time I think I'm deluding myself if I jumped in the boat for a day with DH and the kids and I let everything go free so there was a shadow of dark hair in my armpits and then poking out my bathing suit and down the legs when he's known me for years and it previously was NOT my style.

ei34 · July 2020

With you @STARMOON44 ...anyone other than a professional isn't attempting a wax.
I've waxed a dozen or so times (including as my pregnancies progressed and I couldn't really reach). I prefer shaving though.

Funny waxing/pandemic/H -related story- I do get my eyebrows waxed every 5-6 weeks. Pre-pandemic. I was bemoaning tweezing last month for the millionth time of the pandemic and H offered to wax them for me. Not that he thought I needed it, just trying to be helpful. I didn't take him up on it though...even that...I want a professional.

CharmedPam · July 2020

Well, I just ordered some sugar paste. I want to try this out. I don’t have an SO so I’m doing this on my own.

Casadena · July 2020

Unless it's a full Brazilian, waxing yourself is not that hard -I've done it for years. Untrained men can surely do it as well. In my mind it's more of a discussion and an offer of "if you'd rather not do it yourself is there something I can help with?" I agree with @banana468 and dont' really see what the issue is with having a conversation.

WinstonsGirl · July 2020

CharmedPam said:

Can you sugar at home?

Yup, just grab an at home kit. It's harder to get the exact same areas as a pro, based on arm length, flexibility, lack of sight, etc., but you can get the majority. (I use wax Away Sugar formula and get it at my grocery store). And if the wife doesn't want to shave or at home wax, she could also do those depilatory creams. They stink to high hell and aren't the greatest, but it's another option if she wanted it with no razor burn. He could bring it up nicely, but it's her choice. And maybe a little compassion for being in a pandemic and things aren't quite normal at the moment?

CharmedPam · July 2020

WinstonsGirl said:

CharmedPam said:

Can you sugar at home?

Yup, just grab an at home kit. It's harder to get the exact same areas as a pro, based on arm length, flexibility, lack of sight, etc., but you can get the majority. (I use wax Away Sugar formula and get it at my grocery store). And if the wife doesn't want to shave or at home wax, she could also do those depilatory creams. They stink to high hell and aren't the greatest, but it's another option if she wanted it with no razor burn. He could bring it up nicely, but it's her choice. And maybe a little compassion for being in a pandemic and things aren't quite normal at the moment?

A legit picture of my arms. I think I got this. (Honestly I think it was the angle from the camera man, because they look thinner than they should have too but I DO have super long arms)

MesmrEwe · July 2020

All I'm thinking is "Words are hard" - LW can write Prudie but not have a conversation with their partner... If bare is their preference, have the talk about options... Maybe a weekend trip someplace that's open and would allow it! (Person who has never done that job in that region NOPE!!!!)

Offer to do the maintenance?

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