Dear Prudence,
I live in a house with several close friends, all in our early 30s. I’ve mentioned how great my housemate “Alex” is to my relatives a few times. Last year, my mother told me she wanted to knit a blanket for Alex. She’s an avid knitter and often gives similar gifts to her friends. I told her Alex is sometimes reserved about accepting gifts, so it was possible that Alex might regift or donate it to one of the other roommates, or even me (they do that sometimes). She said that was fine and started on the blanket. What I didn’t tell her (because it didn’t seem like my story to share) is that Alex is mostly estranged from their own family and has made sure they don’t have our address. Once or twice I’ve helped Alex get rid of unwanted gifts from their relatives because they felt too guilty to get rid of them alone.
Last December, my mother sent the finished blanket home with me, along with a very sweet, not overly personal note. She asked me about Alex’s favorite colors and found a type of yarn that wouldn’t trigger Alex’s allergies. I think working on this blanket was very helpful to my mother while she was processing the death of her own mother earlier that year. I panicked and told my mother that I’d given Alex the blanket—but I actually still haven’t. It’s been on my bed for the last eight months because I couldn’t decide what to do. Now Alex is moving out soon, and it feels like time is running out to say something. I’m not even sure they’ve noticed the blanket in my room, but I worry it will feel weird if they have and I reveal that it was a gift meant for them. I don’t want to make them uncomfortable, but I do want to give them the chance to take it. How can I resolve this gracefully? Is there a path that both lets my mother feel appreciated rather than her handmade gift vanishing into a black hole, and also gives Alex a chance to decide without imposing obligation? And if not— what should I do with the blanket?
—Knot My Knitwear