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Scheduling Etiquette - Closeness to Friend Wedding

knottiec30a13495b11cf99knottiec30a13495b11cf99 member
in Wedding Woes
I would like to start by saying that I wouldn't even be asking this question if it weren't super important - I know the colloquial etiquette, and I know what I would do if I weren't in my current circumstance. My best friend's wedding (in which I am a BM) is September 18, 2021. My fiancé and I just received some news about my father's health that has us rushing our wedding so he is able to be there. Our venue offered to move up our date (at least something COVID is good for!) for a smaller fee than rebooking in full as we were currently scheduled to get married in February of 2022. We spoke with the venue and the only day they have available is September 4, 2021. How awful is it to take that date knowing that it is two weeks prior to my best friend's wedding? I don't want to upstage her or cause her any stress but I am desperate to have my father there and this is our only feasible/affordable option. HELP!
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Re: Scheduling Etiquette - Closeness to Friend Wedding

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottiec30a13495b11cf99 said:
    I would like to start by saying that I wouldn't even be asking this question if it weren't super important - I know the colloquial etiquette, and I know what I would do if I weren't in my current circumstance. My best friend's wedding (in which I am a BM) is September 18, 2021. My fiancé and I just received some news about my father's health that has us rushing our wedding so he is able to be there. Our venue offered to move up our date (at least something COVID is good for!) for a smaller fee than rebooking in full as we were currently scheduled to get married in February of 2022. We spoke with the venue and the only day they have available is September 4, 2021. How awful is it to take that date knowing that it is two weeks prior to my best friend's wedding? I don't want to upstage her or cause her any stress but I am desperate to have my father there and this is our only feasible/affordable option. HELP!
    I think it’s totally fine! I would be hesitant if you were scheduling it the night before her wedding but 2 weeks? That’s not a problem IMO. You get one wedding day, so does she. If you’re really close I might explain what happened but I think it’s totally fair to schedule your wedding then. 

    I’m sorry to hear about your Dad but glad that you could move your date up enough for him to be there. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Completely fine!   
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Totally fine. My cousin got married 3 weeks before we and we had no issues. 
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2020
    The only etiquette is that you shouldn't plan it to fall during her event, although I wouldn't do the same weekend. 

    Two weeks is fine. You'll probably have some friends overlap, but it's not like a sibling where you have almost the same guest lists.
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    Etiquette-wise, that's fine.  Everybody gets one day.  Two weeks is a good amount of time.  Though I would let her know the situation and why you had to pick a date that was in the same month as her wedding.  Hopefully she won't have any problem with this.  If she is a rational and reasonable person, she won't.  But, if she does, she is in the wrong.

    A potential outcome would be that, if she is in your WP, she might want to step down and be a guest instead because she has so much going on for her wedding.  Assure her all she needs to do is stand up with you on the day in the appropriate attire.  But if she still wants to step down, be understanding about it.
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Nah I’m not buying it. It’s so urgent you’re rushing your wedding for a full year away? Come on you know this is absurd. Pick a different date. Pick a different venue if you need to get it. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited September 2020
    It's okay. 2 weeks isn't so terrible. Etiquette-wise, you're fine.
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    redwoodoriginalredwoodoriginal member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    Nah I’m not buying it. It’s so urgent you’re rushing your wedding for a full year away? Come on you know this is absurd. Pick a different date. Pick a different venue if you need to get it. 
    I’m sort of here. Info about health that you have to rush to push your wedding up by .... 5 months but still a year away? Doesn’t add up. If you were moving it a year early or to this September, I’d understand but this is weird. 
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