Wedding Woes

Classic Prudie: Your H should be shutting his family down.

I was raised by an abusive, alcoholic mother who told me that the only reason she chose not to abort me was so my brother would have someone to use as a punching bag, which he did. She was a psychopathic woman who became violent when she drank. She even stabbed me once. Then my father was killed, directly as a result of her abuse, and she committed suicide a few months later. As an adult I’ve come to accept my past and use it to firm my resolve to be a better parent when the time comes. I recently married and have explained everything to my husband. But his family has started to ask about my parents and how they passed away. I don’t regret my mother’s suicide. She was an evil, callous, heartless woman. But I don’t want to share this, or how my father died. My husband’s family is my family, too, now, and the in-laws feel they have a right to some answers. While a part of me agrees, I feel that we would all regret it if I did share. How can I put an end to the questions about my past and specifically my parents’ deaths?


Re: Classic Prudie: Your H should be shutting his family down.

  • “My parents deaths were tragic and traumatic and part of a deeply painful part of my life. I do not discuss them.”
    This.  H needs to shut them down if they bring it up again.  "Mom, I thought I was clear that this isn't up for discussion."  


    short+sassycharlotte989875MNNEBrideMissKittyDanger
  • Curiosity only supposedly kills cats, not people.  So they can f**k right off, if they keep pressing for answers.

    Totally agree with other PPs.  This needs to be a united front with H.  They should both adopt a "phrase" for the in-laws on this subject and just keep rinsing and repeating it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • "I'm sorry, I don't discuss my family."  Hubby:  "We're not discussing her family, respect our privacy on this issue."

    People just need to learn to respect boundaries.  They don't have a right to know anything, really, unless it directly negatively affects them.  This does not affect LW's inlaws in any way.
    charlotte989875MNNEBride
  • Just because they want to know does not mean they have a right to know. 

    Her H should be shutting this down and making it clear it will never be up for discussion. 
    short+sassyMNNEBride
  • “My parents deaths were tragic and traumatic and part of a deeply painful part of my life. I do not discuss them.”
    And the H could say "I had said we don't discuss them before. Please keep it that way"
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My husband’s family is my family, too, now, and the in-laws feel they have a right to some answers.

    No.  No they don’t.

    mrsconn23VarunaTT
  • Forcing anyone to talk about a painful or tragic situation is not okay. This is your story to tell, and only you should get to decide when and if to tell it. It's natural for your in-laws to be curious about your parents, but that doesn't mean they are entitled to answers. Your husband needs to tell them to back off, and if they won't, maybe it's time to start seeing less of them.
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