Wedding Woes

Taking my own advice re: Therapy

So I’m taking the advice I always give on Prudie Day to start talking with a therapist. I’m struggling a bit with anxiety postpartum and want to get things under control before they get too bad. I’ve never done any therapy before, does anyone have advice? What to expect? I have an initial phone call with someone next week (I’m surprised how quickly I could get in) to see if it’s a good fit. 

Also, why is it so expensive?? The doctor is out of network so my plan doesn’t cover it and her hourly is $200?! 
VarunaTTMyNameIsNotMesmrEweSTARMOON44MissKittyDangerOliveOilsMomei34Jen4948

Re: Taking my own advice re: Therapy

  • I have never seen a therapist (though I've thought about it) so I can't really answer your questions.

    But want to wish you luck with it.  I'm sorry to hear you're suffering from PPD and I hope therapy helps with that.  I'm glad you are recognizing it and taking steps to take care of yourself.
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    VarunaTTCasadena
  • Ouch! 

    When I went the first time, I did some research on my in-network on insurance and then had my PCP refer me to the in-network.  This time, I had that info already and was able to stay in-network, so it falls under my co-pay.  You might also have an EAP? plan (sometimes the acronym is different) under your employer that might cover a beginning number to help out with cost.

    I suspect everyone's experience with therapy is different.  I cry every single appointment, but I think it's more of just a release of emotions rather than upset.  I tend to control myself pretty rigidly, so just talking about emotions/thoughts honestly at all is hard for me and results in tears, period.  The first time is usually the "getting to know you and why you're here" discussion.  I do always seem to feel better though.  I described it one time as having my own personal cheerleader.  It's nice to have someone I can talk to about something that is just listening, then will offer me methods on how to deal with things that isn't tied to judgment per se, and sometimes tell me I'm not crazy, this is just how things work for me and here's how to make it work better.  My therapist uses "productive vs. nonproductive" choices rather than good/bad.

    Also it's expensive b/c physical healthcare in the US is already stupid and then when you add the fact that we're fighting the fight to recognize the need for mental healthcare being just as important...well, it sucks.
    charlotte989875Casadena
  • Do you have an EAP with your work or DH? If so you can likely get 3 free sessions that way. That's how I started doing mine. They can also help find someone in network because that can make a big difference in cost. Is there a reason you're using this person who is out of network? 

    Ahead of time you can think of the things that you want to go over - write them down if necessary. Maybe the things that make you think it is PPA and what your concerns are and what you want to be able to accomplish. 

    Don't be afraid to be open and upfront. I normally struggle with that but when I started therapy I realized that there wasn't anything "bad" or "wrong" I could say, I was just honest. In my case it was really all focused on DH stuff so that might be different, but it was still hard to be open about what he was saying/doing that had lead me there. 
    VarunaTTcharlotte989875OliveOilsMomei34
  • Thanks @VarunaTT & @kvruns, I do have an EAP & I think there are in network options I can explore. This doctor works specifically with postpartum moms and mother-child bonding which is why I reached out to her. I’m looking into in network options too but wanted to meet with someone sooner if possible. 
    levioosaOliveOilsMomkerbohl
  • Makes sense then as this sounds like a good fit for what you're looking for. In hindsight I kind of wish we'd found something like that when B was born. We went to a therapist DH had used bc the issue was his and I wanted it to be someone he was comfortable with but in hindsight I think he had PPD/PPA (or a male equivalent?) and that specialized insight/focus would have been helpful.

    Contact the EAP - even though you have a session scheduled if they are in the EAP network you might be able to get coverage for that visit or subsequent ones.
    VarunaTT
  • You might also be able to check with your OB, who might have specific and in-network recommendations too.  I think having someone who meets your specific needs is really important.  While I had depression and that's a general thing, in my area of the country a lot of therapists are religiously trained/based.  I was matched with my therapist in 2012 b/c I specifically requested someone who did not have their degrees from a religious institution and who did not practice, at all, religious based counseling as part of their practice.  That was really important to me.
    MyNameIsNot
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't have any advice, just want to be your cheerleader. Good for you!

    We saw a couple's counselor a few times a few years ago who was in network. Our out of pocket was like $40 once we met deductible, but it was more before that. We normally never meet the deductible, so insurance would have been useless if it hadn't happened to be the same year H had some expenses. 
    charlotte989875VarunaTT
  • VarunaTT said:
    Also it's expensive b/c physical healthcare in the US is already stupid and then when you add the fact that we're fighting the fight to recognize the need for mental healthcare being just as important...well, it sucks.

    SIB:
    It's outrageous that PPA/PPD doesn't necessarily fall under the same medical umbrella, insurance-wise, that all the other medical costs related to a pregnancy does.  Though I'm certainly not surprised.
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    VarunaTTcharlotte989875cupcait927Jen4948
  • Thanks everyone this is all really helpful!!
  • FWIW - make sure you're working with someone who specializes in PPA.  For $200/session, demand and expect results!  (and yes, this is close to "going rate" for some areas)..  

    Also, like everything else new parenting (and even if it's your fourth kid, it's a new to parenting!) - your instincts will tell you what you need, sometimes, that need, is a break, and a break is not "going to the store without baby" or the like, a break is you go on a Mom-cation for the weekend someplace that you can get a full night's rest and someone to do the cooking for you!  You are not selfish for taking care of Mommy!  You are not selfish for bottle feeding instead of breast, disposable diapers instead of reusable, blah blah blah, they're all eating chicken nuggets off the floor of the car before you know it and no one asks on a college application at what age a person potty trained.  Check out Kristina Kuzmic and MyLifesuckers on FB if you've got the chance because sometimes hearing it from others helps relieve the anxieties because some things are more normal than one realizes but we often tend to think that we're suppose to be these Pinterest Perfect People and the reality is... "and then we have kids..."  Obviously, there's a line and glad you're getting help, know that you aren't alone and it's o.k.!


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    charlotte989875Casadena
  • MesmrEwe said:
    FWIW - make sure you're working with someone who specializes in PPA.  For $200/session, demand and expect results!  (and yes, this is close to "going rate" for some areas)..  

    Also, like everything else new parenting (and even if it's your fourth kid, it's a new to parenting!) - your instincts will tell you what you need, sometimes, that need, is a break, and a break is not "going to the store without baby" or the like, a break is you go on a Mom-cation for the weekend someplace that you can get a full night's rest and someone to do the cooking for you!  You are not selfish for taking care of Mommy!  You are not selfish for bottle feeding instead of breast, disposable diapers instead of reusable, blah blah blah, they're all eating chicken nuggets off the floor of the car before you know it and no one asks on a college application at what age a person potty trained.  Check out Kristina Kuzmic and MyLifesuckers on FB if you've got the chance because sometimes hearing it from others helps relieve the anxieties because some things are more normal than one realizes but we often tend to think that we're suppose to be these Pinterest Perfect People and the reality is... "and then we have kids..."  Obviously, there's a line and glad you're getting help, know that you aren't alone and it's o.k.!


    Thank you so much for this!!
    MesmrEweJen4948
  • Casadena said:
    I'm proud of you (is that weird to say about internet friends?) for taking steps to figure things out.  Wishing you the best and hope you get some things figured out with therapy!
    Definitely not weird at all!
    Jen4948
  • So this is different than your therapy but I also dealt with PPD and did not seek help {lol I could do an entire post about this but won't}

    I sought therapy for grief but they touched into other issues because there can be other things that creep up with grief - which in mine was anxiety and depression.

    We spoke about the actual situation, and a little more about PTSD {stigma, cause, reason, different reactions, etc}
    We spoke about past histories when counselor realized I was also dealing with more than just my dad passing.

    It didn't work for me, and I accepted that therapy isn't for everyone but I kept the information that I was given {coping mechanisms}
    I haven't completely ruled out future therapy, just timing for myself was likely the problem.


    If it doesn't feel right, don't just give up. Maybe look for a different therapist if you can. You want someone you can feel comfortable with to "word vomit" and cry around.
    charlotte989875short+sassyVarunaTTMesmrEwe
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Just wanted to offer my support and hugs. Recognizing that you aren’t in a good place is a huge first step and getting help is another huge step. You’re doing all of the right things. 


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    charlotte989875
  • Thanks @VarunaTT & @kvruns, I do have an EAP & I think there are in network options I can explore. This doctor works specifically with postpartum moms and mother-child bonding which is why I reached out to her. I’m looking into in network options too but wanted to meet with someone sooner if possible. 
    This is what I did as well - I looked for a therapist that specialized in the issues I needed help with.  It makes a world of difference.  I was fortunate that it was also someone that my insurance had on their list (different in Canada, probably, but I suspect it saved me a lot of money).  And the price tag was pretty high as well, but I was lucky and got it covered.  I hope that you do too!

    Best of luck with this - what you are going through is hard, and I hope you get the tools you need from the therapist to help you!  

    charlotte989875
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