Wedding Invitations & Paper

How do I ask guests to keep the wedding a secret?

My fiancé and I are deciding to have a very intimate wedding due to the current virus climate. We are about to send Save The Dates and want to include a little note explaining that very few people are invited and we do not want them sharing with others. We plan on getting married in secret and then sending out announcements after. What wording should we use to basically ask our guests to keep our wedding a secret so that other people do not get upset that they are not invited? 

Re: How do I ask guests to keep the wedding a secret?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiancé and I are deciding to have a very intimate wedding due to the current virus climate. We are about to send Save The Dates and want to include a little note explaining that very few people are invited and we do not want them sharing with others. We plan on getting married in secret and then sending out announcements after. What wording should we use to basically ask our guests to keep our wedding a secret so that other people do not get upset that they are not invited? 
    There's no way to keep it a secret once you start inviting guests. Even if there were a polite way to ask (there's no polite way to tell people what they can talk about), there's no way to expect people to "obey". If you want to wed in secret, elope.

    People should understand that you can't invite everyone, especially in the middle of a pandemic. If someone is upset about not being invited, it's because they are irrational. That's not your fault or responsibility.
    short+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The only way to wed in secret is simply to invite no one else and not reveal that you are married until after the wedding. There's no polite way to ask anyone not to talk about the wedding, and no realistic way to ask them to keep the wedding a secret.
    short+sassy
  • I think most well-brought-up people know not to talk about an event to which they are invited unless they know for a fact the people to whom they are talking were also invited. Don't most parents tell their kids not to talk about so-and-so's party at school? And the same goes for social media. Do you post about how thrilled you are to be invited to your friend's wedding so that everyone else can see it? I hope not.

    But just in case your friends didn't have mothers who drilled this into their heads, then you can word your save the dates something like "Shhhh! Save the date for Becca and Joe's secret wedding," but I wouldn't. That might confuse people. If I were in your shoes, I'd not bother with the STDs at all, and just send the invites 8 weeks before.

    As others have said, people get that weddings have to be small these days. And yes, some folks will be hurt they didn't count as intimate friends, but they will understand that people don't have 75 intimate friends.

    The kindest thing you can do is to avoid wedding talk around people you aren't inviting. If they ask about your plans, (which people do, because wedding plans are exciting), you can just say, "oh, we're planning a small wedding" or something vague.
    short+sassy
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you want to wed in secret, elope. That means no guests. You can't ask or expect your guest to lie for you. 

    MesmrEwe
  • You stop the lie and be up front!  This year of all years, people WILL understand that guest lists need to be incredibly small.  

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