Step-Father Daughter Dance

Re: Step-Father Daughter Dance

• flantastic member

  

  November 2020

  knottie4d932ac959c3ff72 said:

  My parents were divorced when I was 2, and my mother remarried when I was 3.  I didn't really care for my step-dad until I graduated highschool (16 years ago).  Now, my step-dad is all I have left. My dad (great relationship) passed away 10 years ago, and my mom (even closer) 5 years ago.  So, my step-dad is the only parent figure I have left.  I want to do a father/daughter dance with him in honor of my biological parents, but don't know what song to pick. I also worry constantly about my dad's side of the family feeling like that was my "real" dad's job, not my step-dads.  Thoughts?! Songs that would be perfect?
  

  Do not do a dance with him "in honor of" your two parents who aren't doing it. (I am very sorry for your losses, by the way.) It just makes him feel like a place filler, which is essentially what you'd be having him do.
  
  If you love your step-dad and want to have a special dance with him, do that, and ignore what nonsense your dad's family might say.
  
  If you don't want to honor him with a dance because you're not that close, just don't have a parent dance.

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• short+sassy member

  

  November 2020

  I'm so sorry about the loss of your parents, especially during such a special time in your life.  My own father passed away years before I got married, so I do have some understanding of what that is like.
  
  But have a father/daughter dance with your stepfather because you want to have a father/daughter dance with your stepfather.  Calling it "in honor of your bio parents" doesn't really make sense for the context of a spotlight dance and to me makes it sound like "I guess I have to dance with my stepfather just to put someone in the role of the father/daughter dance".  I assume that is not how you feel or what you mean.  But that is how it could come across to your stepfather, the way you worded the purpose of this dance.
  
  There are a lot of ways you can honor your parents at the wedding.  Have a symbolic token(s) woven into your bouquet that represents them.  Incorporate your mom's favorite flower with the floral arrangements.  Have your dad's favorite appetizer served.  Have a small table with photographs of them and any other loved ones you and your FI want to honor.  Those are just a few examples, but the main thing is to keep it light and subtle.  This is a happy occasion!
  
  You are already going to have moments when you will miss them and wish more than anything they could be there, if only just for that one day.  Don't exacerbate that with "heavy handedness" on lots of things that will trigger the grief more or be so overt it brings grief to your guests also.  Your parents would want you happy as possible on your wedding day.  Not mourning them. 

  

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