Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

Classic Prudie: If you really like him, let it go.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes
Ten years ago I was in my early 20s, living in a large city and having fun. I went on a date with an attractive man but he told me things about himself that seemed too good to be true, so I ruled him out as a potential boyfriend. But we did go to a hotel and had a tawdry one-night stand. Today I have an amazing career that has taken me to a rural location. A year ago a new friend invited me to supper and presto, her husband is the hookup from my past. He did not give any indication of knowing who I was. I have since determined that they didn’t know each other when he and I had our date. (And it turns out he was telling me the truth about his life.) I see my friend frequently, and see them as a couple occasionally. Because I live in a small town, finding romance has been difficult. Until now. I recently met an attractive man and we both feel a sincere connection to each other. It turns out he is the brother of my friend’s husband. Do I have any responsibility to disclose to this new man that I had a tawdry night with his brother 10 years ago?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Classic Prudie: If you really like him, let it go.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If there's no potential overlap let it go. 

    That said, DH knows I made out with his brother before we started dating.  
    Report Reply
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have a feeling this will eventually come up.  I’d casially tell new partner.  It’s nbd but get it out of the way.  So partner knows it’s nbd. 

    Report Reply
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It was a one night stand, you were both single, consenting adults. No one needs to know. I'm a huge fan of not sharing all the details of your past with your current partner. 

    Tangentially, I'm always so amazed by these people with these memories. There is no way I'd recognize some guy that I spent one night with 10 years ago, especially during my party years. I can barely remember the ones I dated for a few weeks at a time. 
    Report Reply
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I wouldn't say anything.  H and I knows approximately how many ppl and the identities of more serious partners, but no details re: one night stands or more casual dating.  I woudln't want to know.   
    Report Reply
  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I just want to point out that "tawdry" was used twice here
    Report Reply
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    banana468 said:
    flantastic said:
    I just want to point out that "tawdry" was used twice here
    Just wait.  In the extended version the words engorged, turgid and loins are used. 
    to describe what was probably the most boring one night stand ever.  
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Casadena said:
    banana468 said:
    flantastic said:
    I just want to point out that "tawdry" was used twice here
    Just wait.  In the extended version the words engorged, turgid and loins are used. 
    to describe what was probably the most boring one night stand ever.  
    Maybe her name is Sally? 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zuRe3QwPG8 
    Report Reply
  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    If there's no potential overlap let it go. 

    That said, DH knows I made out with his brother before we started dating.  
    Wait what! Lol Please tell story :)
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    If there's no potential overlap let it go. 

    That said, DH knows I made out with his brother before we started dating.  
    Wait what! Lol Please tell story :)
    There's not much to tell.   I was friends and kind of flirty with DH but nothing happened.  He brought his brother to a bar where we got together one night and the two of us were super flirty and made out.  We exchanged #s and talked a bit on the phone but it was also about a week or so after it happened that I realized DH had a thing for me and told his brother about it.  

    Brother doesn't live in state, DH and I continued to talk and about a month after I made out with his brother, DH and I hooked up.  I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious and that I just wanted to see how it goes.  15 years, 13.5 years of marriage, 2 condos, 3 cars and 2 kids later and I think I'm ready to commit. 

    A mutual friend told me I should have gone for FIL (who is still married to MIL!) for the hat trick.  
    Report Reply
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CharmedPam said:
    I have a feeling this will eventually come up.  I’d casially tell new partner.  It’s nbd but get it out of the way.  So partner knows it’s nbd. 
    I'm on Pam's side for this.  To me, it's one of those things that isn't a big deal.  But could become a big deal if it comes out later and the new b/f thinks the LW hid it from him.

    The LW talking about they thought the friend's H was lying, when they first met reminds me of a guy I met when I was in college.

    Background:  My friend and I had both just been dumped from LTRs and were feeling sad and sorry for ourselves.  She had an offer from one of the casinos on the southern stateline of CA/NV for a free room for a few nights.  We impromptu decided to treat ourselves to a long weekend. As an aside, that area is literally about 4 casinos and a few gas stations that are right over the border and in the middle of the desert, lol.  Las Vegas is about another 60-90 minutes east down the same highway.

    I'm sitting at a blackjack table next to a guy a few years older than me.  We start chit-chatting and he asks where I'm from.  I tell him, "San Marcos in San Diego county.  I'm going to Cal State San Marcos."  He brightens up and excitedly tells me, "You're kidding!  I'm going to medical school at UCSD."  My bs telescope pops up and is on alert.  1) Because he "coincidentally" claims to only live about 45 minutes away from me and 2) claims to be going to medical school.

    I ask one of the next, logical questions, "Cool.  Where did you get your undergrad and what did you major in?"  I don't remember what he majored in, one of the sciences.  But he told me he went to Harvard for his undergrad.  I'm thinking, "Dude, please.  Now I know you're a liar."  But I gave him my number anyway when he asked for it.

    For about a year, we talked on the phone a few times a month and went on a couple dates (no sex or even close).  But he was way too busy for a real relationship to form.  Because he really was in medical school at UCSD.  He also really did go to Harvard, lmao.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    If there's no potential overlap let it go. 

    That said, DH knows I made out with his brother before we started dating.  
    Wait what! Lol Please tell story :)
    There's not much to tell.   I was friends and kind of flirty with DH but nothing happened.  He brought his brother to a bar where we got together one night and the two of us were super flirty and made out.  We exchanged #s and talked a bit on the phone but it was also about a week or so after it happened that I realized DH had a thing for me and told his brother about it.  

    Brother doesn't live in state, DH and I continued to talk and about a month after I made out with his brother, DH and I hooked up.  I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious and that I just wanted to see how it goes.  15 years, 13.5 years of marriage, 2 condos, 3 cars and 2 kids later and I think I'm ready to commit. 

    A mutual friend told me I should have gone for FIL (who is still married to MIL!) for the hat trick.  
    LOLOLOLOLOL
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    If there's no potential overlap let it go. 

    That said, DH knows I made out with his brother before we started dating.  
    Wait what! Lol Please tell story :)
    There's not much to tell.   I was friends and kind of flirty with DH but nothing happened.  He brought his brother to a bar where we got together one night and the two of us were super flirty and made out.  We exchanged #s and talked a bit on the phone but it was also about a week or so after it happened that I realized DH had a thing for me and told his brother about it.  

    Brother doesn't live in state, DH and I continued to talk and about a month after I made out with his brother, DH and I hooked up.  I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious and that I just wanted to see how it goes.  15 years, 13.5 years of marriage, 2 condos, 3 cars and 2 kids later and I think I'm ready to commit. 

    A mutual friend told me I should have gone for FIL (who is still married to MIL!) for the hat trick.  
    LOLOLOLOLOL
    Also, he said that in front of DH.  So DH is fully aware of what happened and it's been snort-worthy.  

    That said, I haven't mentioned this to SIL.  If BIL has then great but I don't see that there's much to be gained by saying, "Yeah you're right he is a good kisser." 
    Report Reply
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would def tell now. “Omg lol thought your brother looked familiar and I think I figured it out- we may have hooked up ten years ago.”  Like. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. Find out now if new guy is gonna be weird about it instead of after you’ve invested2 years into this relationship 
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards