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Issues with Sex...TMI Alert
Hi Everyone. So, this issue has been stewing since around Thanksgiving, but since I'm having such a glorious week already *sarcasm*, I figure I'll just get it off my chest and see what you all think.
FI and I have been in a real sexual slump since about Thanksgiving. Basically, one of FI's testicles is extremely enlarged due to a hydrocele (basically a huge sac of fluid that continues to enlarge right next to his testicle). It's been there the entire time I've known him, but in the last year or so, it's only gotten worse. His testicle is now swollen to about the size of a tennis ball.
So, right before Thanksgiving, we were having sex and I was on top. Just as I'm about to climax, FI starts roaring in pain. He was nearly in tears. Apparently, the physical pressure from my being on top was really hurting him and he didn't want to say anything.
Ever since then, I've been REALLY freaked out to have sex with him. I don't want to hurt him. I love him. When we have sex now, 99% of the time I flat out refuse to be on top. Also, I always think about hurting him, especially if I feel his testicles rub my skin. I haven't been able to climax from sex for months now because I'm so freaked out. As a matter of fact, I can't climax from ANYTHING FI does since this all happened.
FI and I went to see the urologist, who said the removal of the hydrocele was doable, but would be a completely cosmetic surgery. (Although apparently this type of cosmetic surgery is covered by the insurance, go figure.) FI was thinking of getting it removed because of the pain during sex, the pain he experiences when ANY pressure is put on that area (like when we snuggle), and the fact that he can't even run because of the pain. The surgery is obviously on a very sensitive part of the body, so FI would be out of work for 3 weeks. The operation could happen no sooner than March, even if he chose to do it. FI is still weighing his options on the surgery.
So, I'm just sad and frustrated to see my FI in this type of pain. It's also gotten to the point that I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I know I won't be able to get off and I don't want to upset him (it always does).
Any thoughts on this? (Sorry, I know this is a very TMI subject.)
FI and I have been in a real sexual slump since about Thanksgiving. Basically, one of FI's testicles is extremely enlarged due to a hydrocele (basically a huge sac of fluid that continues to enlarge right next to his testicle). It's been there the entire time I've known him, but in the last year or so, it's only gotten worse. His testicle is now swollen to about the size of a tennis ball.
So, right before Thanksgiving, we were having sex and I was on top. Just as I'm about to climax, FI starts roaring in pain. He was nearly in tears. Apparently, the physical pressure from my being on top was really hurting him and he didn't want to say anything.
Ever since then, I've been REALLY freaked out to have sex with him. I don't want to hurt him. I love him. When we have sex now, 99% of the time I flat out refuse to be on top. Also, I always think about hurting him, especially if I feel his testicles rub my skin. I haven't been able to climax from sex for months now because I'm so freaked out. As a matter of fact, I can't climax from ANYTHING FI does since this all happened.
FI and I went to see the urologist, who said the removal of the hydrocele was doable, but would be a completely cosmetic surgery. (Although apparently this type of cosmetic surgery is covered by the insurance, go figure.) FI was thinking of getting it removed because of the pain during sex, the pain he experiences when ANY pressure is put on that area (like when we snuggle), and the fact that he can't even run because of the pain. The surgery is obviously on a very sensitive part of the body, so FI would be out of work for 3 weeks. The operation could happen no sooner than March, even if he chose to do it. FI is still weighing his options on the surgery.
So, I'm just sad and frustrated to see my FI in this type of pain. It's also gotten to the point that I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I know I won't be able to get off and I don't want to upset him (it always does).
Any thoughts on this? (Sorry, I know this is a very TMI subject.)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Issues with Sex...TMI Alert
I'm sorry your FI is going through this.
While I can understand your frustrations, realize this may be a truly scary idea for him. Men do not like to be limited in their ability to please the woman in their lives, so be gentle with him when discussing his options and just let him know that you're there for him whatever he decides. The easier you make things for him emotionally, the quicker the physical relationship will bounce back after everything is figured out!
That being said, if he has the surgery, that won't totally alleviate your concerns. Once again i think communication will be the key, you'll have to work together to ensure that you know he is okay before you can get back to normal.
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I doubt he's going to like the idea of not having sex because of this problem, for any extended period of time at least, and it's affecting his health, too. I'm sorry you are having this issue honey. Apparently, sex slumps are pretty popular in these parts.
[QUOTE]Wow he still didn't get that taken care of? I am glad he is at least CONSIDERING checking into it now. That is a scary thing for him I am sure but like GPB I would pretty much demand he got it done. It's not a good way for him or you to live. I doubt he's going to like the idea of not having sex because of this problem, for any extended period of time at least, and it's affecting his health, too. I'm sorry you are having this issue honey. <strong>Apparently, sex slumps are pretty popular in these parts.
</strong>Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]
You took the words right out of my mouth. Shoes, I would encourage him to get the surgery. Instead of focusing on the sex you can't have for a while, think about how amazing the sex will be once he gets it taken care of!
[QUOTE]Oh and get batteries.
Posted by coastiegrl25[/QUOTE]
I heard that Coastie is sending them out to people when you run out, so you can always get some from her.
Teehee.
Anyways, I think he should definitely get the surgery. It's one thing to have your sex life be impacted for a few months, but if he doesn't get it taken care of now, it will continue to affect your sex life and in turn, your relationship. Just be open with him and talk through the risks and benefits of having the surgery.
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Seriously. I gave one to the kids for their Christmas toys, and kept two for myself. That's dirt cheap! Wiimotes, remotes, cameras, other stuff... You can never have too many AAs.
Communication is so incredibly important, especially with sex. And yes, it can be really difficult to talk about. But you have to. He should have warned you about the pain sooner, instead of "roaring" and freaking you out like that. You need to talk about it while NOT in bed, and NOT trying to get in the mood. In fact, you shouldn't talk about his surgery while in bed or trying to get in the mood- a lot of guys are very sensitive about their manhood.
Andplusalso, it's okay not to have sex for a while. There will be times throughout your life where you'll hit a rut, or you won't be able to have sex due to medical reasons or other circumstances. Focus on something else that will make you two feel connected. Go for a walk, play a game together, feed some ducks. I dunno. Replace this awkward, unenjoyable sex with something that brings you both closer to each other in a different way. I'm sure there are tons of creative, trust-related activities involving blindfolds outside the bedroom. Talk about his medical options and try something new in your relationship- the sex will fall into place. Bad sex happens to everyone at some point.
My BF had a mole on his arm that my mother insisted he get checked because it could be melanoma... When he went to the doctor, he showed the doctor another on his hip... They removed both... We haven't has sex since Thanksgiving because he was in pain after both surgeries but especially after the hip surgery... it was near impossible to get into any kind of comfortable position... but it was worth it to know that they removed both moles and after a biopsy, he knows for sure that he doesn't have cancer...
To me sex is not important enough to jeopardize his health... so, I think you need to convince him of that fact... There are other things you can do in the meantime... but like CDE said think of how amazing the sex will be after the surgery is done and behind him...
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Good luck!
I haz a planning bio
I cannot stress enough that he get it removed.
[QUOTE]Also, yeah, it's totally weird about it being a labeled a cosmetic surgery, but the urologist told me that despite it being labeled cosmetic, the insurance covers it. So at least that's good.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
My mom had cosmetic surgery to remove calcium deposits from underneath her eyes. It was considered a cosmetic surgery because it was not life-threatening but insurance covered it because it was actually affecting her vision. I think the term "cosmetic" is used loosely to mean it's not gonna kill you, but you want it done anyway, and insurance will cover it because it's causing you pain or discomfort. Just my two cents.
Can your FI go on disabilty while he's out of work? That might make him feel better about sitting out for 3 weeks.
[QUOTE]Bside: That's a good question. I didn't think of that. Hmmm...disability?
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
My mom was on disability for 6 weeks after she tore her rotator cuff. Your FI might want to look into it, or see if he gets <span style="font-style:italic;">any</span> sort of paid medical leave.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Issues with Sex...TMI Alert : Can your FI go on disabilty while he's out of work? That might make him feel better about sitting out for 3 weeks.
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]
Bella beat me to it but I was gonna say this... He can take a short-term disability leave... Tell him to contact his HR department...