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a destination wedding with a " wedding party" 2 weeks after in our local town.

megantheresa018megantheresa018 newb
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello everyone I am new to this,  :)

So my fiancé & I are in the beginning stages of planning our wedding. I want a destination wedding , but he would like something also local for family & friends that can not travel .So we have played with the Idea of having a "small" destination wedding with just close friends & family ( we have huge families so trying to keep the invite maximum to 150 people, also knowing a handful will probably decline)

and THEN about 2 weeks AFTER having a " local reception" ( not sure what to call it , is it still considered a reception? or a wedding party?) in our home town. This would probably be around 250 people easy.  

my original plan :
-was to have Save the Dates for the "Local Reception" with an insert of a Save the Date for the destination wedding for those invited. 
- for the invitation to the "local Reception "(some how wording that we will be already married at a small destination ceremony) do the same with an insert, but for those invited to the destination wedding, the option to attend the local reception ( as some are already traveling and may not be able to travel a second time, or do i just invite those members to just one?( this is where its getting confusing )

So I guess my question is 
AM I CRAZY?
IS THIS POSSIBLE?
 or is this a horrible idea  :D

any tips if you've done something similar, or planning to, would be super helpful .

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Re: a destination wedding with a " wedding party" 2 weeks after in our local town.

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It's not crazy.

    The correct term for your local party is "celebration." A "reception" follows your actual wedding ceremony. It is mandatory for all attendees of the ceremony.  But the "celebration" can take place at a later time or date and can include other persons.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    These used to be pretty common about 10-15 years ago. Back then, people termed them "At home reception". If you do it that way, the thing is that the party at home is a celebration for people who were invited to the wedding, but didn't make the trip for whatever reason. When you start changing the guest list, it turns into a consolation prize event for people who weren't good enough to be invited to the wedding. When you're already inviting 150, that turns from simple etiquette breach to hurtful really fast. 

    Rather, since you want to have such a large guest list at both events, I would not have the second event be wedding related at all. Instead, just call it a party. 
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    megantheresa018megantheresa018 newb
    First Comment
    thank you for the input. with all this being said. who would i invite to the engagement party ?(home location) . is it okay to only invite local guests that will be attending both destination & local parties?
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    megantheresa018 said:
    thank you for the input. with all this being said. who would i invite to the engagement party ?(home location) . is it okay to only invite local guests that will be attending both destination & local parties?
    Wedding related events (an engagement party is one of these) are only for those that are invited to the wedding itself. That doesn't mean everyone who is invited to the wedding is invited to the event but no one who isn't invited to the wedding should be invited to the event.
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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2021
    megantheresa018 said:
    thank you for the input. with all this being said. who would i invite to the engagement party ?(home location) . is it okay to only invite local guests that will be attending both destination & local parties?
    Only the people invited to your wedding should be invited to any wedding-related event. But it doesn't have to be everyone. Bridal party, immediate families, whoever - invite as small or as large a group as you want, as long as they are invited to the wedding.

    But, as people have said, the celebration after is also a wedding related event. People may be excited to come to the local celebration if they were not able to take the time and money to go to the destination, but they will generally be hurt to be asked to come to a second-tier party as those who were never even considered for the actual wedding.
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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    megantheresa018 said:
    Hello everyone I am new to this,  :)

    So my fiancé & I are in the beginning stages of planning our wedding. I want a destination wedding , but he would like something also local for family & friends that can not travel .So we have played with the Idea of having a "small" destination wedding with just close friends & family ( we have huge families so trying to keep the invite maximum to 150 people, also knowing a handful will probably decline)

    and THEN about 2 weeks AFTER having a " local reception" ( not sure what to call it , is it still considered a reception? or a wedding party?) in our home town. This would probably be around 250 people easy.  

    my original plan :
    -was to have Save the Dates for the "Local Reception" with an insert of a Save the Date for the destination wedding for those invited. 
    - for the invitation to the "local Reception "(some how wording that we will be already married at a small destination ceremony) do the same with an insert, but for those invited to the destination wedding, the option to attend the local reception ( as some are already traveling and may not be able to travel a second time, or do i just invite those members to just one?( this is where its getting confusing )

    So I guess my question is 
    AM I CRAZY?
    IS THIS POSSIBLE?
     or is this a horrible idea  :D

    any tips if you've done something similar, or planning to, would be super helpful .

    also JIC
    Report Reply
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    The challenge you're going to run into first is what the covid restrictions will be at the time of your reception (Some places are already talking 2022 or 2023 before they'll be allowed to have 100% capacity again..)

    Instead of putting the cart before the horse, write out the list of family with names of EVERYone, Signifcant others, and plus-one's for the over 18's at the time of your wedding.  Family friends, personal friends, mutual friends, etc.  Get an actual number if everyone were to RSVP YES...  Also, make a list of those who are your VIP's if things were shut down again.  Next is your budget!  Your budget may put a damper on your idea in a hurry to do both.  What can you realistically afford without going into debt nor your family chipping in to pay for it.  Only the two of you are responsible for paying for your wedding.  If others offer assistance - remember with money comes strings.  The reason for doing this is many knotties before you have been caught the hard way because they didn't do these two steps, and others have been invited/guests to said poop-shows.  You THINK the number is 250 but it could actually be 400 once the names are written out, or some have been pleasantly surprised to find it was closer to 150, unless you have those hard numbers, you are setting yourself up for disaster! (Imagine booking a reception hall with a minimum of 250 guests to find out you only have 150 and are stuck paying for an extra 100 people for example.. or booking a venue with a capacity of 150 to find out you sent invites to 400 and 350 RSVP'd yes! You're avoiding a lot of problems by thinking about these aspects first!)..  

    The other reason to do that stuff first - A DW can cost far more than just doing everything at once since you're essentially having the cost of the DW, plus the reception for your DW guests that night, hotel, add-on travel costs (getting your dress there then possibly pressed out), flowers, cake, local marriage license/officiant, etc.  Then the repeat with the celebration of marriage when you return.  NEVER lie that it's your "Wedding" or call it a "Reception" if it's not the official legal ceremony and they weren't invited.  
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