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Eloping then having big wedding, do we need to tell anyone???

knottieb5203c8db994bd33knottieb5203c8db994bd33 newb
in Military Brides
My soon to be fiancé is deployed and we plan on getting engaged then married right after. We have been together six years already. We plan doing a very simple elopement just the two of us. We are going to have a more formal wedding in Fall 2022 depending on everything with Covid. My mom is resistant to any kind of elopement whether she is involved or not. My soon to be fiancé have decide to elope and not tell anyone. Do we really need to since we will have a more formal wedding a year later ? Thoughts and ideas. My mom is very stubborn and will be so angry and idk how if break it to her even though it's a decision I am very confident in.
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Re: Eloping then having big wedding, do we need to tell anyone???

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    knottieb5203c8db994bd33 said:
    My soon to be fiancé is deployed and we plan on getting engaged then married right after. We have been together six years already. We plan doing a very simple elopement just the two of us. We are going to have a more formal wedding in Fall 2022 depending on everything with Covid. My mom is resistant to any kind of elopement whether she is involved or not. My soon to be fiancé have decide to elope and not tell anyone. Do we really need to since we will have a more formal wedding a year later ? Thoughts and ideas. My mom is very stubborn and will be so angry and idk how if break it to her even though it's a decision I am very confident in.
    Yes you need to be clear if you are married.

    One, your guests wouldn't be attending a wedding.  Lying to them is wrong so please be truthful that they would NOT be invited to attend a wedding. 

    Are you really OK keeping something as big as your marital status a secret from hit parents?  I can't imagine doing that to mine. 
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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    IMHO, if you are mature enough to get married then you should be mature enough to tell your parents the truth. You and your husband will be a team at that point and you will need to be able to stand up to your mom.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yes, you need to reveal that you are having a private wedding and that the big event everyone is invited to is not a "wedding." (By the way, the event in which you are actually getting married is not technically an "elopement," since it is not a secret.) Your mother will have to accept it with the maturity of an adult.

    And if you are to attain and manifest that same maturity, please do not try to keep the actual marriage ceremony secret while passing off the big event as the "wedding." It isn't. And it will be hurtful to everyone to attend the big event only to learn that you are already married. Yes, that information is public, even if you don't broadcast it over your social media or word of mouth. I would word your invitations as to a "wedding celebration" and not a "wedding."
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Elope first, then announce to your parents that you are married. If they want to throw a big party next year, they can call it a celebration of your marriage. It will be so much easier in the long run if you just suck up their anger and tell the truth now. You don't have to tell them before you elope (it's none of their business, after all) but once the deed is done, you absolutely must be honest.
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  • juliefrom1991juliefrom1991 member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    It's up to you, I ended up eloping earlier as well. In my case, I did let my parents know, but I let them know at the same time I had planned the actual wedding date.

    So for them, it was announcing that I was doing a wedding with everyone on one date, but doing the formal ceremony a bit earlier for other reasons. No one raised a fuss!
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    juliefrom1991 said:
    It's up to you, I ended up eloping earlier as well. In my case, I did let my parents know, but I let them know at the same time I had planned the actual wedding date.

    So for them, it was announcing that I was doing a wedding with everyone on one date, but doing the formal ceremony a bit earlier for other reasons. No one raised a fuss!

    You do understand that you only marry once, correct?   You cannot get married and then "have a wedding".  When you say "no one raised a fuss" was that because the guests invited to your renewal were already aware of your marriage?  If I knew before hand I was accepting an invitation to a renewal, I would probably not raise a fuss either, because I would have all the information needed to make a choice about my attendance. 

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  • knottie9f77bfa3cbda64c6knottie9f77bfa3cbda64c6 member
    First Comment
    Elopement by definition is "to run away & get married without parental consent" - so if you're eloping, there's no need to tell anyone.
    You could send out a wedding announcement afterwards to inform family & friends. Unless you are planning a vow renewal in Fall 2022, you wouldn't have a "wedding" because you're already married. If it were me, I'd send out a wedding announcement then plan a fun celebration party in Fall 2022. It wouldn't be a reception, because that's done as a hospitality for your wedding guests directly after the wedding but a "Celebration of Marriage" party would be super fun!
    If you want to do all the formal stuff, then make it a Vow Renewal Ceremony and then you can have a Reception afterwards.
    Hope this helps and wishing you a very happy wedding!
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