To elope or not...

Re: To elope or not...

• charlotte989875 member

  

  April 2021

  knottie17882f2b1631762b said:

  My FI is very close to her parents and her brother - with many close friends as well. I, myself, am not. I lost my dad in 2008, the grandmother i was closest to in 2018, and my mother and I don't have the best relationship. While her and I get along and talk daily she is not completely onboard with a lesbian wedding. The rest of my family simply doesn't discuss it.  I also recently moved across the country and don't have a ton of friends.
  
  My FI had always dreamt of the standard wedding, while I have always imagined an intimate wedding/elopement with just my children. She is understanding about this since the idea of a traditional wedding without my dad devastates me. But she cannot imagine the wedding without her parents.... is it okay to invite her parents and brother, while on my side it would only be my children? or is asking one set of parents and not the other a breach of etiquette of some sort?

  This is totally fine! You don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want there just because it’s what other people do! There’s no etiquette that says you have to invite parents or family on one side if you do on the other. 

  
  

  It sounds like this is the best of both worlds- she gets to have her parents and brother there, and you have your child but not people who don’t support your marriage. I’d say keep talking with your FI and make sure you both continue to feel good about this decision, but I’d say keep focus on what’s most important to the both of you. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  April 2021

  I agree with @charlotte989875.  It's not a breach of etiquette for your FI's parents to be invited, but then not invite your mother.
  
  Though, with that said, it doesn't mean there might not be hurt feelings for your mother that could negatively affect the relationship you have with her.  But I assume you have already considered that.
  
  I had a similar dilemma when my H and I got married in my home town, which was 1500 miles away from where we were living.  With the exception of his BM and the BM's g/f, all the other guests would be my friends and family.  Still small, about 35 guests total.  He would have been happy getting married at our local city hall and going out for a nice dinner afterwards.  But it was important that at least my immediate family was there.  He understood and was fine with that plan also.  As we started talking about and the people I wanted to invite, in addition to my immediate family, I checked in with him on a couple separate occasions that he was okay with it.  Including always being transparent that, if he wanted to keep it my immediate family, I was totally fine with that also.  But he's a pretty outgoing person and didn't mind.

  

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