Dear Prudence,
My sweet husband (together about 15 years, both in our 40s, no kids by choice) has been struggling with anxiety for a while now, mainly due to a toxic and difficult work environment, from what he says, though it’s bleeding into his daily life and even at home lately. He started seeing a psychiatrist about six months ago, on his own initiative. This doctor has only really offered antidepressants so far and a mild anti-anxiety drug that he’s still taking but doesn’t really seem to help much. He’s tried a few different SSRIs and SNRIs now, with various side effects (some quite scary), so the doctor just keeps having him try different ones. None of the antidepressants have helped at all, and only make him feel worse, which seems to be just making him feel more and more helpless and like he’ll never feel better.
I’m trying my best to be supportive but have my own history of mental health issues in the past, so it’s sometimes difficult for me to sincerely encourage him to keep trying them. I’ve mostly tried to keep my opinions to myself and to try to be supportive, in case they did help him.
From what I’ve been reading, it sounds like cognitive behavioral therapy can be as, or sometimes even more, effective than medication, and I have also had very good results from it, so much that I am no longer medicated and doing well (which he is aware of). I would really like for him to give therapy a chance, but he doesn’t believe that “just talking” would help and brushes me off whenever I bring it up. One time a few months ago, he agreed to go if I helped him make an appointment, but when I found someone I thought would be a good fit, he backed out and said he’d changed his mind, because he thought it wouldn’t work and would be a waste of time and money. Is there any way to talk him into giving therapy a shot that I’m missing? I’m at my wits’ end and just want my sweet, happy, carefree husband back.
—How to Help