Marriage Celebration Party

knottie74e5f9a30e03773b · February 2020

Hello all!

My fiancé and I are getting married in an intimate ceremony abroad with parents, siblings and a couple close friends (18 people total) in July.

Then in September we are planning to have a Marriage Celebration Party (that our parents want to throw for us). I am trying to be super careful to maintain proper etiquette after reading many discussions on here.

I would love to make sure I am covering all my bases in how to approach this party. Would love your advise!

Here is what I am doing:

- Being careful NOT to call this a reception, but rather a party to celebrate our marriage and have our families get to know each other

- Not having any sort of “wedding things” like cake cutting, first dance, wearing my dress, etc.

- We are not registering for gifts or asking for cash. Thinking about saying something like “if you really wish to give us something, we would love a card with a special message to read back on through our marriage.”

- No bridal shower

- The party is being held at a beautiful park pavilion, and we are catering a BBQ and providing wine/beer/non-alcoholic drinks. My question here is - would it be appropriate to have people RSVP even if it’s a party, not a reception? Since we are catering, we will need a final number.

- After reading up on the etiquette, general consensus seems to be that we shouldn’t provide save the dates because this isn’t a wedding. But I also want to give people a good heads up as a courtesy, so I was thinking of then at least sending the invite further in advance than typical if there is no STD. Thoughts?

Please let me know if I am covering my bases or missing anything else?

Thank you all!

charlotte989875 · February 2020

knottie74e5f9a30e03773b said:

Hello all!

My fiancé and I are getting married in an intimate ceremony abroad with parents, siblings and a couple close friends (18 people total) in July.

Then in September we are planning to have a Marriage Celebration Party (that our parents want to throw for us). I am trying to be super careful to maintain proper etiquette after reading many discussions on here.

I would love to make sure I am covering all my bases in how to approach this party. Would love your advise!

Here is what I am doing:

- Being careful NOT to call this a reception, but rather a party to celebrate our marriage and have our families get to know each other

- Not having any sort of “wedding things” like cake cutting, first dance, wearing my dress, etc.

- We are not registering for gifts or asking for cash. Thinking about saying something like “if you really wish to give us something, we would love a card with a special message to read back on through our marriage.”

- No bridal shower

- The party is being held at a beautiful park pavilion, and we are catering a BBQ and providing wine/beer/non-alcoholic drinks. My question here is - would it be appropriate to have people RSVP even if it’s a party, not a reception? Since we are catering, we will need a final number.

- After reading up on the etiquette, general consensus seems to be that we shouldn’t provide save the dates because this isn’t a wedding. But I also want to give people a good heads up as a courtesy, so I was thinking of then at least sending the invite further in advance than typical if there is no STD. Thoughts?

Please let me know if I am covering my bases or missing anything else?

Thank you all!

It sounds like you’ve got a good handle on the etiquette here! I think it’s definitely fine to have people RSVP- think about it like this; you’d have people RSVP for a birthday party or a dinner, same thing here, you need to know how many people will attend so that you have enough food.

I would still send invites at the proper time (6-8 weeks) but no earlier. I would just text/email/call close friends and family and tell them the date a head of time so they can plan.

knottie74e5f9a30e03773b · February 2020

Thank you so much!

MobKaz · February 2020

I agree with everything that @charlotte989875 said. A "Meet the Newlyweds" party is appropriate. Will this be the first indication of your marriage or will there be announcements sent immediately following your wedding? Make your invitations as casual as necessary to reflect the atmosphere of this event.

"- We are not registering for gifts or asking for cash. Thinking about saying something like “if you really wish to give us something, we would love a card with a special message to read back on through our marriage."

Nothing should be said at all regarding gifts. If guests want to gift you anything, or bring a card, they will do so without any prompts.

knottie74e5f9a30e03773b · February 2020

Thank you! And thank you for the advice on the gifts, I was wondering if I should even say anything so that is helpful.

So we are getting married on July 11 and the party is September 5, so I was going to send the invite out as soon as we are back to give people the 8 week notice - if that is appropriate.

I appreciate your help! Just want to make sure I approach this fairly and correctly to everyone.

MobKaz · February 2020

knottie74e5f9a30e03773b said:

Thank you! And thank you for the advice on the gifts, I was wondering if I should even say anything so that is helpful.

So we are getting married on July 11 and the party is September 5, so I was going to send the invite out as soon as we are back to give people the 8 week notice - if that is appropriate.

I appreciate your help! Just want to make sure I approach this fairly and correctly to everyone.

You may need to tread a little carefully. Without knowing any details (and not inferring you need to share any), there may be some hurt feelings. Having an intimate wedding is absolutely appropriate. However, by extending a few invitations beyond family to include friends, others may be hurt. You cannot control how others feel and respond to the news of your marriage, but it is something to consider.

Were you planning on putting any pictures on display at this event? I think I might be OK with seeing pictures of you and your husband, or perhaps the bride and groom with their parents. Again, you know your friends best. I just want to remind you that human nature is unpredictable, and I am trying to think of situations or plans that may inadvertently blindside you or your guests.

knottie74e5f9a30e03773b · February 2020

Thank you! I appreciate your advice and helping me see other sides. I have been worried myself that it may hurt people to know we also invited our 4 friends. We’ve been trying our best to talk this through with family in person. So far all have been understanding, but if I were in their shoes I wouldn’t tell the person I was hurt even if i was - so I know that could be the case.

The intimate ceremony is due to the fact that he and I entering a mixed religion and mixed culture marriage. Muslim/Catholic - VASTY different traditions and ceremonies. We had started off planning a wedding in the United States, but in the end trying to make it work between our two religions, and without upsetting many family members, was very difficult. So we decided on the ceremony abroad (in my home country).

As for the photos - I had read somewhere that putting up photos could be bad taste, so I wasn’t going to.

I am trying to tread very carefully in not hurting or upsetting people, but i also understand that’s not always possible.

ILoveBeachMusic · May 2021

I think you have the bases covered. I also agree that you shouldn't mention gifts at all. If people want to give you something they will. Your timing for the invitations sound right.

Jen4948 · June 2021

Congratulations! You've got a handle on things.

With the exception of the wording "Thinking about saying something like “if you really wish to give us something, we would love a card with a special message to read back on through our marriage,” I like your plans. I agree with PPs that you should make no mention of gifts.

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