Bride Family Drama

knottie119693e40a02d8c4 · June 2021

Hey all!

To give you the down and dirty, some recent events have added a ton of stress to my wedding that is coming up in a October. My sister (who is my maid of honor) recently was insulting and trying to instigate a fight with my fiancé. When he reacted to what she was saying, my parents jumped on her side, despite the things she was saying being completely out of line. The argument then blew up to bring in issues from the past and has grown into something else entirely.

A couple weeks have now past. My sister has stepped down as my maid of honor. My parents will attend “If I even want them there”. My parents think I kicked my sister out of the wedding even though all I said was “I think that the maid of honor should be supportive”, which I don’t think is unreasonable. In the last conversation I had with my mom, she was trying to convince me that my fiancé is a liar, regarding things that wouldn’t even make sense to lie about (like education, work history, etc.).

So now I don’t know what do. I feel like if I still have the wedding as planned, it’s going to be incredibly uncomfortable and tense, which is definitely not the kind of day that I had hoped for. I almost wonder if I would be better off eloping instead, but I don’t want to disappoint the other guests who are planning to attend, like my fiancé’s family.

Have any of you dealt with parental disapproval like this? What did you do? How did the way you handled it work out for you?

Thanks for the input!

mrsconn23 · June 2021

knottie119693e40a02d8c4 said:

Hey all!

To give you the down and dirty, some recent events have added a ton of stress to my wedding that is coming up in a October. My sister (who is my maid of honor) recently was insulting and trying to instigate a fight with my fiancé. When he reacted to what she was saying, my parents jumped on her side, despite the things she was saying being completely out of line. The argument then blew up to bring in issues from the past and has grown into something else entirely.

A couple weeks have now past. My sister has stepped down as my maid of honor. My parents will attend “If I even want them there”. My parents think I kicked my sister out of the wedding even though all I said was “I think that the maid of honor should be supportive”, which I don’t think is unreasonable. In the last conversation I had with my mom, she was trying to convince me that my fiancé is a liar, regarding things that wouldn’t even make sense to lie about (like education, work history, etc.).

So now I don’t know what do. I feel like if I still have the wedding as planned, it’s going to be incredibly uncomfortable and tense, which is definitely not the kind of day that I had hoped for. I almost wonder if I would be better off eloping instead, but I don’t want to disappoint the other guests who are planning to attend, like my fiancé’s family.

Have any of you dealt with parental disapproval like this? What did you do? How did the way you handled it work out for you?

Thanks for the input!

Without knowing the substance of the argument and other things said, I can't really give specific advice. If you think there's any way you could get through to your sister by having a sit down with her and your parents, then I'd recommend that. If she was insulting to your FI and you, then you definitely need to stand up for your relationship. I would leave FI out of the initial conversation since it sounds like he was collateral in a deeper disagreement and/or issues in your familial relationship.

Furthermore please take into account while it may seem that your parents are 'taking sides', they may actually be more neutral than it appears. This is a hard position to be in as parents. And it sounds like they're trying.

Also, you may wish to write down some points before talking to anyone. Plus, do some introspection on your actions and reactions and own where you could have done better before it getting to this point.

When you sit down to talk, the wedding needs to be put to the side. Because the wedding is one day and this is lifelong relationships and the rest of your life with your FI.

IDK what to tell you on cancellation and eloping vs. keeping the wedding as is even if there will be weirdness. That's a decision you and your FI need to make together.

banana468 · June 2021

mrsconn23 said:

knottie119693e40a02d8c4 said:

Hey all!

To give you the down and dirty, some recent events have added a ton of stress to my wedding that is coming up in a October. My sister (who is my maid of honor) recently was insulting and trying to instigate a fight with my fiancé. When he reacted to what she was saying, my parents jumped on her side, despite the things she was saying being completely out of line. The argument then blew up to bring in issues from the past and has grown into something else entirely.

A couple weeks have now past. My sister has stepped down as my maid of honor. My parents will attend “If I even want them there”. My parents think I kicked my sister out of the wedding even though all I said was “I think that the maid of honor should be supportive”, which I don’t think is unreasonable. In the last conversation I had with my mom, she was trying to convince me that my fiancé is a liar, regarding things that wouldn’t even make sense to lie about (like education, work history, etc.).

So now I don’t know what do. I feel like if I still have the wedding as planned, it’s going to be incredibly uncomfortable and tense, which is definitely not the kind of day that I had hoped for. I almost wonder if I would be better off eloping instead, but I don’t want to disappoint the other guests who are planning to attend, like my fiancé’s family.

Have any of you dealt with parental disapproval like this? What did you do? How did the way you handled it work out for you?

Thanks for the input!

Without knowing the substance of the argument and other things said, I can't really give specific advice. If you think there's any way you could get through to your sister by having a sit down with her and your parents, then I'd recommend that. If she was insulting to your FI and you, then you definitely need to stand up for your relationship. I would leave FI out of the initial conversation since it sounds like he was collateral in a deeper disagreement and/or issues in your familial relationship.

Furthermore please take into account while it may seem that your parents are 'taking sides', they may actually be more neutral than it appears. This is a hard position to be in as parents. And it sounds like they're trying.

Also, you may wish to write down some points before talking to anyone. Plus, do some introspection on your actions and reactions and own where you could have done better before it getting to this point.

When you sit down to talk, the wedding needs to be put to the side. Because the wedding is one day and this is lifelong relationships and the rest of your life with your FI.

IDK what to tell you on cancellation and eloping vs. keeping the wedding as is even if there will be weirdness. That's a decision you and your FI need to make together.

All of this.

Also, do some digging to see why it is that your parents have a concern about your FI's education and work history. Those ARE things that are often exaggerated or fibbed about and rarely caught unless investigated.

Only you know the history you also have with your parents. Most parents are not taking sides and do want what's best for their kids. I generally find that many parents have been there and done that and are a bit better at sniffing out issues of others. I'm fairly certain that my mom's "Spidey" senses were up with my ex bf but she never wanted to say that she felt he was smarmy (he was). If they haven't lead you astray before, consider why they would have the comments that they do.

Bride Family Drama

Re: Bride Family Drama

Choose Another Board

Search Boards