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Classic: Your H is being 100% obtuse

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes
I’m the mother of young children and was recently diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, it was caught early and is treatable. Nonetheless, I have been very tired and going through many treatments and doctors’ visits. My husband has informed me that a few days prior to surgery to have my tumor removed at the end of the month, his entire family has planned a party at my in-laws house a few hours away, in order to wish me well. While I very much appreciate the gesture, the party is ill-timed. On top of this, my husband’s family is very loud and boisterous and I just don’t have the energy to deal with this. My husband can’t understand why I’m less than enthusiastic about the party and is asking for me to be grateful. Am I being ungrateful or is it acceptable for me to express my appreciation for the gesture but explain that I simply won’t be able to attend?
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Re: Classic: Your H is being 100% obtuse

  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Fuck that party.  Tell him the gesture is nice but there's no way you can handle going.  I can't imagine how on earth he thought this was a good idea.  
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is multi faceted.

    1) The hubby does not get that he and the wife are of two personalities.  I'm guessing that the wife is someone who tolerates the noise when she's feeling good and when she's not it's taking energy she just doesn't have.  

    2) The husband has about zero understanding of the stress of his wife.  She's not leaving a job for a new one.  This is a surgery! 

    In both of the above situations the H isn't getting it but WTF is going on with his family where THEY don't get it??   I'd be pissed and wondering who is going to be making the extra casseroles, cleaning the toilets and doing the laundry while I'm recovering.  
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The husband is an ass. He wants LW to be grateful for something he wants, not that she does. I’d say skip the party and rest and let the husband handle the fallout. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    The part that's actually getting me most is that the party is a few hours away. LW would have to be in the car for several hours in one day or stay overnight during a time when her energy is already low. It's not like it's a 15 minute drive away and she can just stay for a little while and go home. 

    If husband wasn't so clueless, he'd know to tell his family that while the party is a nice gesture, it really isn't a good time and that maybe they can all celebrate together after LW's treatment and surgery are completed and she's doing better. 
    image
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    downtondiva said:
    The part that's actually getting me most is that the party is a few hours away. LW would have to be in the car for several hours in one day or stay overnight during a time when her energy is already low. It's not like it's a 15 minute drive away and she can just stay for a little while and go home. 

    If husband wasn't so clueless, he'd know to tell his family that while the party is a nice gesture, it really isn't a good time and that maybe they can all celebrate together after LW's treatment and surgery are completed and she's doing better. 
    Right?!

    This is just a bad idea.  And the fact that her H isn't getting it makes me think that he's likely not the most functioning member of the household and is in for a big awakening when it comes to getting crap done while she's having and recovering from surgery.
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